Dirty laundry

udpt82

Hi,

My M-I-L lives in MC and my F-I-L lives with us (with his own medical issues).  We have found out that she is not letting the staff clean her room or do her laundry.  That said, we believe the staff must get in at times because she and her room appear clean.  It seems she washes her underwear by hand (with hand soap) every couple of days, but puts her clothes back in her drawers and closets after she wears them.  She never puts laundry in her laundry bag and insists she does her own laundry (and everything else but meals) for herself.

Today, while Mom was distracted and out of her room, a couple of staff members and I went in to her room, stripped her bed, took her towels and took a lot of her clothes to their laundry to be washed.  If she was there, we know she would not have let us do any of this, because she has already gotten argumentative when we brought this up in the past.  When she noticed her clothes were taken to be washed (she first thought they were taken to be sold at a flea market), she went BALLISTIC.

We are going to meet with the unit director to figure out how we go forward from here.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Mom's memory is poor, but she is very mobile, still sends emails (with some issues) and has always been controlling, distrusting and anxious.  

Please, I hope someone can give me advice.

Thank you!

BassetHoundAnn

I had this very same problem with my mom when she was in a quasi-assisted living apartment. She was refusing to permit staff in to clean her apartment. It was a continuing battle for about a year with their staff trying repeatedly to get in to clean her apartment. Often they would lure her out for some reason, for activities or a meal, and sneak in to clean while she was gone. 

I would gather up dirty clothes, towels, sheets and sneak them home to launder them. She would see me gathering things, protest, but then forget a minute later that I was removing things to launder. Because of memory problems it was easy to distract her as I was taking out laundry. 

She's now in memory care and the problem has largely vanished. She now permits staff in her room to clean. But she doesn't want her clothing laundered. I think she has lost the executive function to put dirty clothes in the laundry hamper or even understand at times that they're soiled. I find dirty clothes tucked all over the room, even in her purse. 

She doesn't want to change clothes or bath either. But staff has worked on her and they seem to be getting her bathed and changed regularly. And they do get some of the clothing laundered. 

I visit her nearly every day and do a sweep of her room, finding and gathering up dirty clothes. I put them in the hamper for aids to wash, but if there's a lot I take it down to the MC's main laundry room and wash it myself. I also check out her clothes and make sure she's tidy and wearing undergarments.

So I suggest distracting her, but be aware that the problem will eventually vanish. 

Battlebuddy

Is there any way to get duplicates for clothes and while she is distracted, switch out the clothes to clean ones?  Then take the dirty ones home and wash . Then repeat the process?

toolbeltexpert

Someone on here made the suggestion of buying multiple sets when they bought clothes. Thats what I thought of udpt82. I find myself sneaking around trying to do things without getting caught. Like trying to take a baby's fav blanky.

King Boo

Been there.

Moving forward, buy duplicates of all new clothes.  That takes care of a lot of the problem.

In the interim - have her go to a longer activity, or if she goes on MC field trips (i.e. ours had a weekly bus ridge in the country with a Dunkin Donuts stop where they went and parked the bus and had their snack)   this gives you a longer interval to wash the clothes.

MC staff were great about not returning laundry when my LO was in the room, or taking it when he was there.

It's a dance, but an extremely common problem.

QUOTE   "has always been controlling, distrusting and anxious."

If she hasn't seen a Geriatric Psychiatrist for evaluation I highly recommend this.  Most likely, her anxiety has been untreated for decades and this is an opportunity to improve her anxiety (and care).    Once anxiety medication was started for my LO, workarounds like this situation became a whole lot easier.

udpt82

I appreciate everyone's input.  We met with the MC unit staff to see what systems will be in place for Mom.  Unfortunately, there is a new twist.  Even though the aide took her dirty clothes this morning, Mom washed a few pieces of CLEAN clothes.

The director of the unit is concerned that this is a fall risk if she gets the floor wet, which has already happened once and she needed stitches.  The director suggested taking away Mom's key when she leaves her room in the morning and giving it back to her later in the day.  We don't think this is the way to go.  We don't want her kept out of her room and she will just do the laundry when she is allowed in her room.  The director is going to try posting signs in the room, but we think Mom will eventually remove the signs, but believe it is worth a try.  Unfortunately, there are no washing machines on the unit where Mom can help do her own laundry.  I have suggested that they take away her liquid hand soap and replace it with a bar of soap.  Hopefully, she will not want to deal with a bar soap to wash clothes.

If anyone has suggestions, I would appreciate it.  Thanks

BassetHoundAnn

My mom was washing (trying to wash?) her clothes in the sink but this didn't last long. Maybe only a month or two at most. Because she lost the executive function to do that. At the time she was in Stage 5 in a quasi-assisted-living apartment. There was a room with washers and dryers just across the hall from her apartment. But she didn't have enough ability to use them. Once or twice she put her clothes in a wash machine, then forgot about them. Another time she carried someone else's clothing into her apartment. And that was it for her use of the laundry room. 

You say there are no washing machines in memory care. That's by design and a good thing. Once someone's in memory care they lack the ability to wash clothes anymore. 

Your mom will probably try to stop washing clothes in the sink pretty soon. Do keep any liquid soap including shampoo away. 

BassetHoundAnn

Could you put large rubber bath mats on the floor around the bathroom sink where she is apt to try to hand-wash clothing? It would only be temporary until she gets past this phase.