Just the Beginning(1)

DKW65

I am new to this forum. My mom was officially diagnosed with ALZ  February, 2022. She had COVID double pneumonia in December 2020 and was never the same after that.  There are studies being done about the mental effect COVID may have on people outside of the quarantines and masks.  My mom will be 80 in July (has a family history of ALZ on her father's side of the family) and my dad will be 76 in June. Dad is partially disabled and is already struggling with "life as we know it" being gone forever.  My sister and I work full time and live 30 minutes from our parents.  There are no friends or family members that live any closer.  I have encouraged my dad to make an appointment with an attorney to get necessary legal documents in place but he has not taken that step yet.  We have begun looking for MC places.

Although mom is starting in the "middle"stage of ALZ, she is already withdrawn and basically does nothing each day but sit in her chair, watch tv and sleep.  She has always cared greatly about her appearance and hygiene but that is not totally true anymore.  She is still "in there" but we seem to see less of her each day.  She definitely is depressed and needs socialization but refuses to "let" my dad get someone to come in to be with her each day.  She has been agitated and scared and no longer cooks, rarely cleans and rarely talks to anyone on the phone.

I feel like I lost my mom December 2020 but I know that we will take care of her for as along as we can.  There is no long-term insurance, no bag of money and no huge pool of local caregivers.  I feel so overwhelmed.  It definitely is effecting our whole family.

I don't have a question that probably hasn't already been asked but....it is good to be able to read the various posts and get encouragement and advice.

SusanB-dil

Hi DKW - welcome to 'here'.  as often said - so glad it is here, but wish we didn't need to be in the predicament.  yes, this is a very good place for support and advice.  You are not alone.

Yes, you do need to get that DPOA in place for both your folks, and HIPAA accessibility.  Do you have any vacation time, perhaps, and can go with dad one afternoon for DPOA?  If you could make the appointment, would he go with you - if you told him you are 'coming to pick him up, so let's go'?

Does mom's PrimCare doc know of the depression, and does she have a neurologist?

I have seen posts where they have brought in some help under the guise that the PWD is helping the help.  Even if it might just be a few hours one day a week, might help your dad.

yes - it is hard to see a LO in this situation.  

sandwichone123

DKW,

Welcome! It may be possible to contact an attorney and arrange for a Zoom meeting with your parents to discuss legal paperwork. Probably you or your sister would have to go to their house to get them on to the Zoom meeting, but it may be easier on everyone than waiting on them to set up an in-person attorney meeting. I did this with my spouse and then we went to the office just to sign the papers with witnesses. It was pretty low-stress, because we were discussing things in our own kitchen instead of having to go to an office to do so.

Leslie R.

Hi DKW - 

Yes - the situation with your Mom does sound a lot like mine.  She seems to have lost interest in all activities that used to bring her joy and just sits and watches TV with her husband all day.  She also seems to sleep a lot more but that could be due to the anti-depressant she's on.  She used to love to cook - so I knew something was terribly wrong when she said she couldn't remember any of her recipes.  Then came the day she called me to ask if I knew how to make a meatloaf because she couldn't remember.  : (  

At least we have other family members nearby who are willing to help by spending time with Mom and taking her out.  We're looking forward to warmer days when she might be more likely to want to go outside.  Spring was always her favorite season with everything in bloom.

I'm sorry to hear that your Mom also had to deal with COVID at the same time ... very scary.  

Good luck to you and your sister.

Leslie R.