How long can I last

phylliscare

My DW has had Crohn's disease for 25 years and was diagnosed with Dementia 3 years ago.  I say Dementia but I'm not exactly sure what it is, only what it has done to my DW. It is difficult to see her trying to make a phone call on the TV remote, not able to hold an intelligent conversation as she can't remember most names, places or dates, trying to cut a steak with a fork and spoon, or wearing one shoe and one slipper.  These are just a few but, I'm sure you get the point.

I'm 73 yrs old and retired, so I have been my DW's primary caregiver. This has taken its toll as I suffer from deep depression (lost 30 lbs.) and recently was diagnosed with LGL T-cell Leukemia. I have a PT caregiver that spends about 10 hrs. per week with my DW.  I have no relatives in our area and local agencies have been little to no assistance.

I struggle to make it some days and I as my patience run thin, I say regretful things to my DW. With my DW being relatively young (63), I don't know how long I can last.

sandwichone123

phylliscare, you have a lot going on. I wonder if you could look into some sort of assisted living option that would provide relief for both of you. It sounds like you could use some support as well as her.

Do you have family that would be helpful if you lived close by? This might be a good time to consider moving somewhere that you could have more social support.

M1

Welcome PC, am always glad to see another baseball fan added to our group (is that you? Your boys?). I am so sorry for your own health issues as well as your wife's, neither Crohn's or T-cell leukemia are any picnic even without dementia in the picture. I think all of us dementia spouse caregivers worry about what could happen to our partners if something happened to us. This forum has helped me a lot to think about various contingencies and I hope it will do that for you too.

We all say regretful things at times. Not that it's an excuse, but sometimes I find myself finding mercy in her short (nonexistent) memory. She forgives me easier than I forgive myself.

Glad you posted. Hope we can help be part of your support system.

Stuck in the middle

My disabled son lives in an RCF.  I have no reason to think I will outlive him, and I wanted to do it while I could help him make the adjustment.  I don't like the way he lives, but it is the best I can do for him.

It sounds like you might be in a similar situation.  I suggest it might be in your wife's best interest to move to a memory care facility now, while you can carefully select the facility, rather in an emergency such as when you are in hospital.

phylliscare

My wife has an obsession with clothing.  Our caretaker and I went through our clothing so we could reduce rubble enough to have a cleaning crew come and do their work without having to move garments around.  We only took clothing that we no longer wear or doesn't fit. We donated these to local charities. My DW now has this obsession that we gave all here clothing away.  This comes up every few days and ends up with my wife crying and becoming combative.  My DW still has a wardrobe that will fill a large walkin closet, but I can't convince my DW of this no matter what I do.  I thought this would pass, but it seems to come up every few days with the same result.    I don't know what to do.

loveskitties

Perhaps if when she becomes convinced that all her clothes are gone you could take her to the closet and pull out a few of her favorites and reassure her that they are still there.

It might help if future "downsizing" of items were done without her being aware of it.  She probably would not know they are no longer there.