I’m new too and overwhelmed for now

texaspeppers

Both my parents have dementia and I quit work to live with them 8 years ago.  I am divorced with no children and an only child who moved from my town to theirs.  My mom was hospitalized a month ago and when she came home she brought Covid.  We are all vaccinated and recovered well.  My mom started physical therapy this week and caught a stomach virus that she gave to my dad.  This weekend both my parents are incontinent, my dad couldn’t remember how to shave, and my mom will not stop saying to my dad I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.  I’m not sure what I’m asking for here.  I guess I need a plan, but I feel guilty because before this we were just slowly going down the hill and now all of a sudden everything is changed.  And even now, I hear them having a normal conversation as I type this…

M1

Welcome. Sure sounds like you could use some help, short and long-term. Do you have power of attorney? Is assisted living or memory care feasible, financially or otherwise? What would you do if your parents no longer lived at home? Those are the questions that come to mind. Good luck, I'm sure others will chime in.

SusanB-dil

I agree with M1 to see if you can get some assistance asap.  Can you get a hospice evaluation?  for some assistance, even?

it is hard caring for one, God bless you working with two...

texaspeppers

I do have power of attorney and will try to find someone with the alzheimer's group here to help me see a plan forward.  Good news, they both woke up like everything is normal today.  But, this weekend has shown me how fragile the balance is.  It did not take much to push me over.

Steebu

Hang in there - just know there are a bunch of us who have gone through similar situations and we’re all in this together.

Depending on where you live, there could be a bunch of local government resources available to you.  You could start by googling “senior services” in your area to start.  For example, if meal prep is too difficult there might be a Meals-on-Wheels service you could take advantage of.

It’s at least something to get you started - if there are senior services in your area they could also point you in the right direction for other services (respite care, Medicaid-related facilities, etc.).

Most importantly: close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and do what you can for yourself.  If eating Doritos at 2AM while watching Youtube clips relaxes you, then by all means do it.   It’s like they say on airplanes about the oxygen masks: put yours on first, THEN help someone else.  Same principle: you can’t help your parents effectively if you’re stressed, pulling your hair out, and screaming.

Cool Ranch for Life - that really was my coping mechanism, but I wouldn’t recommend doing it nightly.