Shock of my life (x2)

ButterflyWings

Part 1: I wrote a long post earlier, chronicling our latest adventure. It reported a happy ending but really a mystery and when I went to post, it disappeared. Didn't have much more time to leave DH to his own devices so I elected not to retype it at the time. All's well that ends well, though! The short version is, he somehow accomplished a feat I thought well beyond him (got out and back into a recliner + locking tray that was comfortably latched with a full tray of food in front of him, intended to keep him occupied while I ran a quick errand). I returned to find him exactly as I had left him, but with a bowl of his favorite cereal and fresh blueberries halfway finished (what? How?!) That wasn't part of the feast I had laid out before strapping him in and it was my only clue that he had budged from my carefully planned safe space while unsupervised. Hmmm. That shocking sight taught me that even 19 minutes alone is too long to leave him again. Ever. I was counting my blessings that he didn't get into trouble, or fall, or wander, while I made a super-rare trip a few blocks away to retrieve an urgent med refill. Wish we had cameras to monitor as I really still can't figure out how he did that.

Part 2: Within a few minutes of 'note to self' marveling at how DH accomplished something quite complex, meaning he might attempt just about anything independently -- and not be so successful next time -- and I do mean within minutes of this private thought process, DH went from content, to feisty, to testy, to unsteady and on the ground in a slow motion fall that scared me more than I can say. Its the second time in 4 months that I've watched him fall away from me, land hard on his side (and this time roll to his stomach) but be unable (or unwilling?) to get up. 

Each time I hold my breath as he's going down, beat myself up that I couldn't stop the fall, and pray to the heavens he doesn't break something. We are lucky. He did not. But I could only get him to his knees holding onto a chair seat where he stopped and decided to take a nap. What went through my head was everything from did he have a stroke/TIA?, is he in pain, is there an invisible injury that we can't see? Is this the beginning of the end...?

Feeling shocked in a different way right now. Post-firefighters' lift assist, we are both propped up in bed, just chilling. But I am worried and also feeling like a terrible caregiver. All I really have to do is keep his meds filled, feed him and try to keep him safe and happy. I know its not that simple, but boy do I feel like a failure right now. Hoping things will at least be back to baseline tomorrow. 

Tfreedz

Please, please, please don’t beat yourself up BW! You are already getting beat up by the circumstances, you don’t need to pile on more. I’m so glad he is ok after that fall and you can see how unpredictable each moment can be. Noone can be everywhere at all times, not even Wonder Woman. Thank goodness for the first responders who gave your DH a hand in getting up. Sending hugs and positive thoughts!

Battlebuddy

   I don’t think you are a failure at all. These falls happen at a certain stage, and they seem to come out of nowhere. It’s hard to anticipate .  It’s a part of late stage 6 . Be prepared to become buddies with the Lift Assist folks. They love thanks that come with baked goods. 

   As far as the camera goes, we installed a Yi . I also have had an Arlo. You can move it around if you  have him in a spot that you don’t think he can move out of. You would have been able to see him move on your phone. It’s given me so much peace of mind when I have had to run out for quick errands. 

   Don’t beat yourself up about the fall. You a wonderful caregiver and these things happen.  

Quilting brings calm

Do not beat yourself up.  People fall.  I fell a couple weeks ago and I’m not cognitively challenged, just klutzy,  you can’t prevent it even if you are holding them up

Joydean

Butterfly wings, I have read many of your post and you are a very wonderful caregiver. Please don’t beat yourself up. I thank God your DH was not hurt, and no one, can do everything. Goodness you could have just been in the bathroom when that happened! Take care. By the way, I love reading some of your post with your friends on front porch. I truly love that thread.

M1

Amen BW, nothing to berate yourself for. Glad all is okay.

abc123

Omg! I can’t even begin to imagine what you went thru emotionally!!!! I absolutely HATE this disease! Please don’t be so hard on yourself, let it go! You are only human, you don’t have a crystal ball or a magic wand! My momma, stage 7, would randomly get out of a hospital bed and walk across the house to sit in her favorite spot! It freaked me out completely!!! 

I’m sorry this disease is so darn unpredictable! 

ButterflyWings

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. It helps keep the blues at bay. 

I expect DH to have some soreness for the next day or so, he hit the tile floor really hard. I had forgotten that he fell last month too, (just to his all fours) but it was on a thick carpet so no harm at all. It did seem to shake him up for a few minutes afterward though. Like today, after I showed him how to get up that time, he made it to his knees and stayed there a while. It made me smile then, as he folded his hands and waited at the foot of the bed. Made me think he must have been flashing back to his childhood "now I lay me down to sleep" tradition. He didn't realize we were getting up from the floor. And didn't seem to question us being in that position. 

Today, he landed, then stretched out prone and would not move for the longest until I was able to pull him up partially, and there he stayed hugging the seat of the kitchen chair until our lift assist arrived. I'm noticing he is wincing a bit when shifting positions in bed. I hope it truly is nothing worse than a bruised hip. Scary. 

Your kind words help me remember that we all are doing A LOT, that it is the very best we can do at the moment, and that things like this happen with dratted dementia. Wishing everyone well, and thank you again for your kindness, care and wisdom. Our community really is the best.

dayn2nite2

You are doing fine as a caregiver.  And I probably would have passed out to come back and see a totally different meal in front of him.

I've said to myself if this disease wasn't happening to my LO it would be endlessly fascinating, as skills and language from long ago pop up like a Jack-in-the-box and disappear just as quickly.

Please be careful as far as breaking his falls or lifting (good thing you called the firefighters) because as you know, we've had caregivers who injured themselves trying to help our LOs.

Please try to allow yourself some grace here - we can't predict what they'll do at any moment and it's really difficult to find yourself a prisoner in the house because you can't leave them for even a minute.

MN Chickadee

I think we've all been there, where something is happened and we feel badly after and like we should have prevented it. It's normal and to be expected, given how much our LOs depend on us. Falls, questionable judgement in a quick moment, accidents are bound to happen. Glad you are all ok. Does he have a walker? My mother was able to learn to use one in later stage as long as someone prompted her and walked alongside her. A gait belt might also help to just steady him a bit. But you can't expect to break his fall if he goes down, you're likely to get injured too unless you are a very big strong frame.