Looking for Non-Virtual Support Group

rfh1957

I've been living a very different, hellish life for the past year, and I'm sure that DW's has been even worse as she went from a healthy, happy, 75 year old who embraced life, loved to cook, travel, read, exercise, and get together with friends, to a very different now 76 year old who sits in our condo all day, won't drive, is unable to pay bills or keep a check register, won't communicate with old friends, and basically just sits all day and reads the same books over and over claiming she hasn't read them before. She started suffering with a very severe and prolonged episode of depression which required three hospitalizations, and finally lifted with ECT, but her psychiatrist thinks that she is still depressed and just increased her anti-depressant, which DW was reluctant to take. The psychiatrist also told me that she thinks DW is in the early stages of dementia (she was unable to complete a battery of neuropsych tests, walking out before she was finished). There are other signs that something's wrong, including evasiveness about memory problems, changing the subject, sleeping for almost 11 hours per night, and more. There's no affection displayed towards me, although I keep trying, and she barely talks when I initiate a conversation. She can stay by herself at least for a morning or afternoon, and possibly longer, but I would be afraid to leave her alone for more than a few hours. I would like to meet and talk to people in similar circumstances for support, and don't want to use Zoom, because DW hasn't been told about her cognitive impairment and doesn't think she's depressed any longer, and I couldn't discuss her case in privacy online.

M1

Welcome rfh, you may want to post your location to see if there are other participants physically near you. It also occurs to me that maybe you could ask her psychiatrist, as well as your local Alzheimer's Association chapter. Hope that helps.

dayn2nite2

I think you may have some time to wait yet before non-virtual groups start up again.  

Water under the bridge, but don't allow any more ECT on her.  No wonder she's not the same.

harshedbuzz

My mom's  monthly IRL group is meeting live this month; they did do Zoom January and February but were in person over the fall when COVID numbers were lower. The same facilitator also hosts a Zoom group. 

I found her group through the local Alzheimer's Assn, but I have seen similar groups hosted by hospitals which offer memory care service (sometimes called memory cafes- sometimes PWDs are included but not needed for participation), as an outreach service of memory care facilities and some senior centers. 

This place is great for venting and asking questions, too.  I also got my mom her own psychiatrist and a talk therapist. The psychiatrist is also trained as a neurologist and has been really helpful for mom. The therapist was not a great fit, but she wouldn't try a new one. 

HB

rfh1957

I live in Springfield, IL.

rfh1957

I think the ECT is the primary treatment method that enabled her to feel compliant enough to take her medications and begin eating and taking care of herself again. She also stopped expressing deluded thoughts and began socializing with people in the hospital. I agree that there is a limit to how many treatments she should have, and she's probably nearly at that point.

Iris L.

rfh1957 wrote:

I've been living a very different, hellish life for the past year, and I'm sure that DW's has been even worse as she went from a healthy, happy, 75 year old who embraced life, loved to cook, travel, read, exercise, and get together with friends, to a very different now 76 year old who sits in our condo all day, won't drive, is unable to pay bills or keep a check register, won't communicate with old friends, and basically just sits all day and reads the same books over and over claiming she hasn't read them before. 

Is it that she won't or can't perform?  Has she been evaluated by an internist and a neurologist?  Please read about anosognosia.  If she has dementia, she won't talk about it.

Iris L.

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rfh1957

Iris, I don't want to suggest to her in so many words that she has dementia. She denies feeling depression, although her psychiatrist thinks she is still very depressed and has MCI. She doesn't care for her physical appearance the way she used to, and I had to really ride her case to get her to make a dental appointment. Her breath is toxic, and I have told her this in as gentle a way as I can. I think she has a cracked tooth with an abscess. We'll find out fairly soon. She realizes that she forgets to do things, and is apologetic, but makes no effort to change. I find it hard to believe that she wants her life to be like it is now, but she doesn't complain about anything much. She's been evaluated by a neurologist and an internist (same one I see), and he thinks her depression is much less severe than when he first saw her, which is correct, but only knows of the dementia or for lack of a better term, vegetative state, from what I tell him. She underwent some Neuropsychiatric testing, but I think walked out before it was completed because she thought she performed poorly.