Want to go home and why arent we married

ChrisVoorhis

My DW and i have been married for 50 years on Feb 19. We had a small party 10 people and it was hard for her. She has had Alzheimer’s for 10 years. Last night was a very bad night and am worried if this was a bad night or if this is a new road. Here is what happened.

“ Last night was so bad felt like i was going to have a stroke. On way home from chic filet carol started the when we going home. Just kept saying we are home, thats where we are going. She just kept it up and i said someone else lives there now they bought it. Them she went on and on, then got really mad at me, then upset, then crying, then went upstairs crying, then laid on bed and cried hard for like 30 min. Then i was really upset, got light headed, took a tranq. Finally got her to take one 30 min later. I laid down on bed for like 10-15 min and she said i should get someone to come take care of me if i am sick. I will be ok just need 10 min to relax. Finally i felt better, then she got up, i offered to turn tv on upstairs and she said well where are you going to be. I can stay with you or go downstairs. Ok lets just go downstairs, then she says when are we going to get married. I showed her the pics of us getting married with cake and her mom there. Then pics of party 50 years. Then she says yes but when did we get back together, weve always been married i said and showed he pics with her dad and me. Then she says well when did we break up. On and on, then we went to bed and she said maybe it would be better if i slept in the other room cause were not married and Jehovah wouldn’t like that. So i got up went in other bedroom and then called me saying your to far away from me, mayb it would be ok this time, just stay away from me. Now i am up next morning waiting to see what happens this morning.

Chris

M1

Chris, my partner expresses a lot of confusion about our relationship and the length of it.  She clearly no longer remembers our history and asks me all the time how long have we been together (27.5 years), did we break up and get back together (no), was I married before, do I have parents/children/siblings--things she's obviously known in the past but no longer does.  it's disconcerting to say the least, and when she asks I find myself uncomfortable about rehashing details, I just try to distract.  Sorry, I guess it just comes with the progression.  We don't do gatherings of more than 4 people any more because she just can't handle it, can't remember who people are or why they are there.

But happy anniversary to you, it's a big deal.  Half a century is an achievement in any book, I'm sorry she couldn't participate more.  But if I had to bet, I suspect if you stick to a quiet routine things will settle down.

ChrisVoorhis

Thanks for the info yes those same things you mentioned happen constantly are happening in our relationship also. I think you are right it was a lot for her even tho the people were her closest friends. No doubt it set something off in her. 

Thank you

toolbeltexpert

Chris I wants say Happy anniversary, 50 years, not many folks make that mark. We are at 44, my dw still knows me but she is beginning to lose some of the family connections. I dread the day that I know is coming. I to have been quite distressed.  Chris make sure to take care of you, you are the one who cares for your dw. I have learned to do breathing exercises it help take stress hormones out. Keep posting it is part of the care you need to talk and vent.

Paris20

My husband’s delusions have been increasing over the last several months. The first time he asked me when we were going home while sitting in our 40 year old house, I was really upset. Then it increased and expanded. Here are some examples: Why hasn’t my brother called me (died 1985)? I know my Dad died (1976) but why haven’t we called my Mom? Does this hotel have a garage and did we bring our car (we’re home). What’s our dog doing in our hotel room?

If we watch a program about a distant destination, he transports us there in his mind. We were watching that Feed Phil show on Netflix (great program) and after Phil feasted in a fine restaurant overseas, my husband told me to make reservations there for tomorrow. Whatever we’re watching on TV or discussing in casual conversation has become our location. He will often add that he has been to many places that he has never seen. He truly believes it.

So far, the delusions have not upset him although I learned not to dispute them. I just go along until I can change the subject. I know these are all common symptoms but they can be very disconcerting. The idea of hallucinations scares me more.

Joydean

Chris, happy anniversary! 50 is a special one, or I had thought so. We just had our 53rd in December. My husband didn’t even know nor could he understand how we could have been married that long. He can no longer recognize special occasions. We just go day by day. Alzheimer’s is a very big thief and steals so much from us all. 

So sorry you are going through this. 

Quilting brings calm

Here’s a suggestion.  Print a short wedding vow exchange off the internet.  Tell your spouse you are eloping and have a friend read you two the vows.   Maybe it will seem like a Justice of the Peace ceremony.  You know the ones in the old movies with the teenagers eloping before their parents  could  find them?