Distance to Memory Care

Bluestone

Hi All,

I am closing in on a few MC facilities for my DH and have received contradictory advice as to how close or far away the facility should be. Some say the facility should be close by so you can visit frequently, deliver odds and ends, etc. However, another person told me don't worry too much about the distance--it's the quality of care that counts. Plus, the expert said most MC residents, once they've been there a while, will develop a new "family" and won't need to see you so often. 

In my situation, I'm looking at a place 8 minutes away I'd rate a B (AL + MC) and a couple places 30-35 minutes away I'd rate as A's (MC only).  Naturally the MC-only facilities cost more.  Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

 

Ed1937

Hi Bluestone. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you have a need to be here.

We had an excellent thread concerning facilities that you might want to take a look at. Here's a link. Hope it helps. https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx?g=posts&t=2147552810  

jfkoc

I think care quality (TRAINING NOT LOOKS OR FOOD) trumps close but then I grew up where everyone commuted 1+ hour both to and from work every day.

Rescue mom

For me, quality of care is/was tops. 30 minutes does not seem bad at all, although that can be different for different people.

My mom’s MC, which was best anyway, was 15 minutes away. If there had been no good place close, I would have gone farther, but thankfully did not have to.

At first I took her supplies (toiletries, snacks, etc)  but later had delivery services and aides do that. 

I went, but very soon my visits didn’t matter. She didn’t know who was what or where.  She always had nice people around, and I was just one of those people. Whether I personally was there or not, she did not know or remember. Nor could many or most residents.

I think (not convinced, it’s been suggested) there is some benefit to having staff know there is someone nearby who drops by at any time. But I’m sure they did a good job regardless. If you don’t have a certain level of confidence in a place, you need another place.

Now that DH will likely need placement, I’ve looked as far as an hour, but the closer one is fine. That’s TBA.

As jfroc said, looks do not matter. “Decor” , bright shiny new, does not matter apart from safety and comfort (residents generally don’t know or care). Families often get sucked in on what *they* think looks good. Things are different for the PWD.

A caring skilled staff trumps pretty much everything IMO.

Marie58

Welcome to the forum. You have found a good place to learn, share, vent, ask questions, and more.

My DH's MC is only 5 mins away and I love that. Especially right now as he's bedbound and has to be hand fed. I go twice per day most days. I had two places tied for first when I was looking. His current MC was one of the two so it was a no-brainer. The other one is only 25 mins away, which would have been fine. But given the current situation, I'm glad DH is as close as he is. We also get a lot of snow and there are some days driving to the further one could have been an issue. I know there are others here who have placed their LOs further away and it seems to work for them. Care trumps distance...I was fortunate to have a good one close by.

 Plus, the expert said most MC residents, once they've been there a while, will develop a new "family" and won't need to see you so often.    

This may be true, but think of how often YOU want to see your DH.

Ed1937

Rescue mom wrote:

A caring skilled staff trumps pretty much everything IMO.

Absolutely! Some of these places spend a ton of money on "eye candy". That sells. I'd rather have a place that is able to keep their staff. That means they're happy working there, and more than likely provide good care for the residents. 

Bluestone

Thank you, all. It's great to get some clarity in the midst of all the MC information I'm wading through. And it's horrifying (after reading Ed's link) that those that sell for a MC facility may lie to customers regarding whether or not they will keep the resident to the end of life. I would think that would be illegal.

Ernie123

My DW has been in a MC facility for just over two years. I vote for quality of facility over distance. Even if you visit daily the well being of your LO is determined by  the staff and the way the place is run. Low staff ratio, activities mornings and afternoons, same routines and familiar faces all matter. I still visit daily but already my wife is not interested in visiting with me, she wants to be in the common area with the other familiar faces (she doesn’t do names). She lives in the moment, no recall and my appearance sometimes agitates her. So I am learning to accept that and shorten my stays and occasionally miss days. I know it is a good thing she is well looked after and mostly content without me. It is a wonderful place, just 14 residents, 7 per adjoining living units or “cottages”.  2-3 staff 24/7. All trained in dementia care and so gentle and compassionate. They want to work there and it shows. And I know as she progresses my role will continue to diminish as her care needs grow. So definitely choose a place where you know the care is excellent. Staff training and attitude is everything. I realize I am blessed with having access to a brand new facility designed for dementia residents, nearby, and staffed by angels. The PSWS are like family to me and know my DW as well as I do which is a great comfort to me.

Gig Harbor

I don’t need one for my husband yet but I have started visiting memory care units so that I will have some ideas and will be able to get his name on a list. There is one I haven’t visited yet but it is highly rated by two friends who have had their spouses there. It will be the farthest away at 40 minutes but also the cheapest by $1500 a month. My time is free and $1500 pays for gas and a new car if that becomes necessary. I will likely not visit everyday so I think it would work.

jfkoc

Please check the state license...it will mandate what they do.

Beachfan

DH is in a MCF 38 miles away, 1 hour on a “good” day…..traffic, mountains, weather.  There is a facility within walking distance of our home, but it is a Memory Care wing associated with an AL complex.  DH’s MCF is a “stand alone” operation- - they do nothing  but Alz/dementia.  The cost (just under 6K/month) is all inclusive; the cost does not increase as care needs grow, he can age in place there, staff are long term employees trained to deal specifically with Alz/dementia and all that comes with it.  DH lives in a cottage with 15 other residents when full, private  rooms with bath, a dining area, three common areas all set up in a circle so patients are free to walk around, but are always within eyesight.  It is quiet, clean and cozy, with a secure area outside for access during nice weather.  

The closer facility “evaluates” potential residents for suitability, the cost increases as care needs grow; I know of 2 families whose LO was asked to leave as the facility could “no longer meet their needs”.  

DH no longer knows me or any family members; I visit him at least once a week, but there is no reaction or interaction.  He seems content there; he is well cared for and seems to be well loved by staff.  The distance is worth the peace of mind.

Vitruvius

This thread is of great interest to me as I am in the throes of picking a MCF. Like Beachfan, I have one within walking distance but it is attached to a ALF. It is physically very nice and relatively new. The care seems OK, but I don’t really know. The dedicated MCFs within an hours drive seem to have good care but the facilities are more spartan and frankly a bit worn, but clean.

I want it all, great care, and an uplifting environment. I hear all the good advice about focusing on the care, but that’s harder to discern and I guess I’m just mentally geared to judging the physical environment more easily than the actions of people.  Finding out the real skinny on these places is not as easy as just visiting and talking to staff, I’m inherently untrusting of such sources.

dordora

I think that it is necessary to choose according to these two criteria. Both in distance and in quality. I often order deliveries for my friend in the center, especially from Amazon or food delivery. It's great that there is amazon live chat and you can contact them about the order. This is really important when it comes to the delivery method. Our center is located in our city and is excellent in terms of quality of service, so we are satisfied

Joe C.

Bluestone, I placed DW 17 months ago and chose a MCF that is 40 minutes away even though there are many closer facilities to my home. I made my choose based on quality of care and the fact the my preferred facility would keep DW as long as possible under state regulations. When I was looking at facilities I realized that some MCs will push residents out as they decline and learned the specific questions to ask to determine when a specific facility would no long care for a resident as they decline. In my state there are certain medical procedures that an MC cannot do (dialysis, feeding tubes, IV treatments etc.), so none can guarantee care to end of life, but some will provide care much longer than others.

I am very happy with my choice as DW is thriving there. Yes she has sort of developed a new “family” there but I visit 4 to 5 days a week and I feel I’m part of that family. I am looking to sell my home and move closer to her but my house is to big and has to many ghost of the ALZ journey so I think I would have also been looking to move even if she was closer to my current home. Good luck in your search.

M1

This is an old thread, over a year old......

Ed1937

Yes, this is an old thread, and the link I posted no longer works. That's a shame because it was an excellent thread. Just another loss with the new system.