Tips/Advice for long trip moving Dad into Memory Care in another state

kfinn4

My Dad has mid-stage dementia (Lewy Body, Vascular, Parkinsonisms) and lives in South Carolina. He wife of 15 years just passed away a few weeks ago, and my brother and I are getting ready to decide whether he will live in Texas near my brother (18-hour drive) or in Alabama near me (8-hour drive). We expect to make the final decision today or tomorrow. Would appreciate any advice/tips for travel. We have already come up with pros and cons for flying vs driving, but it's still difficult to know which is best for him. We've also come up with lists of things to take and possible ways to go by car. My Dad does have brief outbursts of "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know" when frustrated. He walks with a gate belt and walker when in the house and he's in a wheel chair when he leaves the house. He has difficulty communicating (prefers to answer with "I don't know" and "no" rather than yes or expanding on a topic). He has great difficulty with steps (getting into a truck or higher vehicle), etc.  Has anyone else faced the choice of car vs plane. We are a little concerned about what would happen if he had an outburst (brief though it may be) or if he has a bathroom-related accident or has to use the bathroom.

Rescue mom

I’m sure there are different pros/cons for everybody, depending on what things may especially bother/upset your dad. But in my experience, traveling with my DH withAlzheimer’s,  a plane/airport was worse. 

The hubbub, crowds, noise, people rushing, security etc.caused terrible agitation. TSA and many airports/airlines have a special service that provides special help for PWDs, that must be set up in advance. He still was upset with the crowds and general…hubbub, best as I could tell.

Cars were not easy either, and took longer, but fewer “outside factors” that caused upset. He could not go in a big restroom unattended anywhere. At least fast food toilets were usually always in a reasonable distance, maybe an hour, but ok.

If incontinence is an issue, you need to have a change of clothes and clean-up supplies on hand, and space etc. is easier in the car.

I’m not clear on whether you both sibs will be on this trip?? But a second person makes a world of difference either way.

Rescue mom

Just have to add…I was on a flight last fall (alone) where a woman had a major, screaming meltdown on the plane after boarding. Her husband kept saying she has Alzheimer’s, she’s never done this before. 

It was horrible. Airline workers called for help and medics, takeoff  delayed over 30 minutes.  And while people everywhere, IME, have always been supportive and helpful once they knew a person had Alzheimer’s, a lot of passengers here were getting mighty unhappy….Pretty sure that poor woman never had a clue, except she was in some kind of hell.

MN Chickadee

There have been many threads here on this topic if you can pull any up in the search. Key take aways are that most prefer the car ride to the plane especially in later stages of dementia. More flexibility with bathrooms and rules and timing and what you can pack. And airlines are especially strict on behavior and compliance right now due to bad behavior around covid protocols. With Lewy Body not sure if medications are possible but some people ask the doctor for something to slightly sedate or help anxiety for the road trip (must be tried ahead of time to make sure there are no adverse reactions.) Bring the things you would to keep a toddler happy for a long drive. Lots of incontinence supplies, snacks, things to fidget with. If you are doing the longer trip and staying the night somewhere you might want to get a door alarm if he is at all mobile so you know he can't try to wander off. Amazon sells door stop style alarms, but there are many. An extra or even third set of hands for the trip is nice so that there is always someone with him. A member here named abc123 recently hired a medical transport company to move her mother from Texas to Louisiana and was happy with the experience if it comes to that. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

abc123

The company was Ride N Safe. The driver was kind, professional and caring. She stopped anytime I asked her to. She also made sure mom was in the most comfortable and safe position possible. 

The only drawback I experienced was not enough extra space for luggage. We brought two SMALL carry bags and a SMALL ice chest. The most important thing was mom's safety and comfort, they got an A+! 

Give them a call just to ask questions. They might be able to give you some helpful ideas. I definitely suggest two people if you drive yourself, one to drive and one in the back seat to be hands on with the PWD. Too many things can go south quickly!

Sarah1269

I am going back n forth with moving my dad to Texas. It would be a 24 hour drive or 6 hour flight.. He currently lives in Massachusetts he cannot stay by himself anymore. I am looking forward to hearing how your trip goes.