Guilt Trip(1)

Wilted Daughter

Mom increasingly uses guilt trip tactics to arm wrestle me into submission. She's wants to stay in the home until death even through she says "as long as I can". By saying "as long as I can" allows her to be in control of the timing. 

She is fixated on burial in her home town 1,266 miles away and repeatedly tells stories about how she arranged burial for her siblings to be buried in the home town at the instruction of her mother. She concludes with "I did what my mother said...honor your mother...". I've repeatedly informed that as a single child, I will do what I can on both fronts but mom and her siblings (they have always weirded me out) have controlling, manipulative, and backstabbing traits and mom the oldest is the leader of the tribe. I've said what I've said to them all and should just let my word stand, but when someone dies it just recycles it all. They (mom excluded, now) go to every funeral they can by car, train, or plane and then criticize every single detail...who does that. 

The guilt tripping over the money pit house, which is now in my name, that I don't want and a burial that will use all the insurance monies if mom had her way leaves me in despair. 

SusanB-dil

i can relate to 'guilt-tripping'...  sorry you have to deal with that, and from several fronts. 

I hope that you continue to do what you know is right for you.  Continue what you can "as long as possible", but you probably know better when that time will be! I also hope that you are able to maneuver around her siblings.  You do not need their approval, and hope you don't feel the need to take their calls.  

that said - how we handled my father's mother (she did not have dementia, as my mother's mother did) - she insisted to be buried next to grandfather after anything happened to her. The cemetery plots were already purchased together after his death.  now, forward a few years and 800 miles away later from our old home-grounds... She passed and we honored her wishes.  When it was convenient, my folks drove the cremation urn to the cemetery, where it was taken care of.  This was maybe year or two later, when they were going up to see other family/friends on their vacation. Meanwhile, said 'urn' just resided with them for a while.

Wilted Daughter

Thank you. The funeral home suggested that as an option. She says she doesn't believe in cremation, but was all in when my father died and was cremated and even pressed me to release his ashes before I was truly ready. She and I released his ashes at one of his favorite spots and she said "he would like this". 

I'm going to pray and do what makes sense when the time comes. We are not always able to fulfill wishes or have our wishes fulfilled, and I refuse to live under the curse of what is said if I don't comply. I didn't ask for any of this and wish I could pass the responsibility to someone else. 

Thanks again for your kind words and sharing your experience it was helpful. Have a great week!