Paranoia(10)

waywardson

I am a 24/7 caregiver for my mother with dementia. I'm overwhelmed and barely holding it together. Recently, past couple of months, Mom has developed an everyday obsession thinking that people are coming into the house and stealing things. It's either my brother, distant (some even long deceased) relatives or figures from her past that are stealing stuff. I realize there is nothing I can say to correct her. Literally, NO ONE has even entered our house in more than three months. 

The question I have is that she now is insisting on going to my brothers house to find what he is stealing. He does not live close. She doesn't know what she would be looking for and I am assured that even if she found nothing,... that would only convince her that she was correct. My brother was my only chance to get a day away. I have not had even two hours away from the drama in more than four months. She's hiding stuff. Two days later she notices the object she hid is missing ... hides more stuff ... rinse/repeat.

There's no way I can let her go to my brothers house. Should I even allow my brother to come visit. (it was not pretty last time he came to help) I'm reading about "fiblets", I understand, at least the idea of distraction, but at times that is impossible. I am afraid of inviting anyone in to help for fear of furthering the paranoia.

Any ideas?

Marta

Dear Son:  since your mother’s delusions are interfering with her care (i.e. are harmful to her), it is time to ask your mother’s primary care provider (PCP) for a referral to a geriatric psychiatric practitioner in order to get these delusions under control with psychotropic medications, such as Risperdal or Seroquel. Search the boards for these drugs to learn the pros and cons. For many, the use of these meds allows families to keep their PWD at home longer. 

Good luck. 

Neverends

Seroquel for my 87 year old mother with delusional thinking and a host of other behavioral  issues helped immensely, When she first started it she slept a lot more but that was only temporary. She cannot go without it  because the behaviors  come back ten fold. It's been my saving grace. Hang in there.sending strength your way.

Mcleve

Hello.  I am looking for help on what to do about trying to convince my mother to move to assisted living or at least get someone to come in to help her.  I live 4 hours away and go up every couple of weeks . My son lives closer and goes often but mom has a problem accepting help from anyone. She is 89. She lives in a world of paranoia. In her world everyone is against her.  She believes son in law breaks into her apt. The management company is against her. The one friend she had for 60 years accused her of stealing shoes so now they’re don’t speak. Her grandsons are miserable. It just goes on.  She still knows who everyone is and takes care of herself but she is starting with medical issues.  The doctor just got her license suspended and she is on a rampage about that.  She is antisocial.  She refuses to move. Refuses to take any resource available to her. Not Uber . Not Lyft metro access. County senior programs. Nothing.  Does anyone have any ideas on how to go about convincing someone in this state of mind to do anything that will help her. I am at a loss.

Neverends

Hi Mcleve,I feel for you and I understand.  You have come to the right place with so many people in your shoes. I just wanted to give you a little help on your posting so.it gets the maximum exposure. Go to the top of this page and look for " add topic" click on it and make your title  so the whole forum can see your question and give their responses. I can tell you I told lies or fiblets to.my mother  when I was attempting  to get her to do something  for her  own good. Geriatric  psychiatrist can help with meds  for the paranoia.  But getting her to go will be a challenge, maybe. It's a long and ardorous journey. Hang in there 

Mcleve

Thank you for responding.  She was always a logical person and this!  She doesn’t believe anything is wrong so she refuses meds etc.  exhausting.

waywardson

Boy, it's not easy is it. I try (and I need to remind myself every time it happens) that it is not the LO that is ... wrong/illogical/off, it's the medical condition. I try to put myself in her shoes. (all this talk about shoes, sensitive subject right?) I would imagine that it is even harder for her grandchildren being so far removed from the concept of getting old. (as I'm writing this, I almost deleted the whole message)

I have no answers. I wrote this topic because I have questions too. I also realized that even writing this topic that I wasn't going to get answers. 

Mom has been living with me for about 7 years now. For a while there we actually had a good friendship added to the normal parent/child relationship. The saving grace of this is that there is an us-against-them dynamic that I can fall back on. But, that only drives her deeper into her paranoia.

Where is the balance between allowing the LO's paranoid world to exist and trying to correct them back into reality? This distraction thing can only go so far.

I wish you strength.

Boy, it's not easy is it.

Stuck in the middle

Paranoid delusions are no more fun for the deluded person than for the caretakers.  Antipsychotic medications are a blessing.  Please don't be reluctant to get your LOs to psychiatrists and get some help.