Mom is blaming the vaccine

Holly H

Mom has been showing signs of dementia for a few years. It's gotten more intense the past month or so with delusions, paranoia, and more short term memory issues. My brother and I find it so challenging to know whether to have a frank conversation with her or just let her be - - as it has been seeming like she wasn't aware and we've read it's best to let them be unaware. However, out of the blue this week she is calling us everyday to remind us the dates of her vaccine and that although we "probably think she has alzheimers" that it was the side effect of the vaccine that has caused "foggy brain" and memory issues. I don't believe this is true, since we know she had some signs before the pandemic. My brother and I kind of feel like we should just let her believe that since it seems to make her feel better. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this. Thanks!

M1

Jennifer as much as I oppose misinformation in public forums, trying to reason with her is futile.  I try to adhere to a policy of "if it's not a safety issue, don't argue."  Sorry you have to listen to it though.

MN Chickadee

Whether it's this issue or the computer issues in your other post, the best approach with a PWD is usually not to argue or try to convince. Many get to the point where they don't know they have dementia and telling them serves no good purpose. Their brain is damaged beyond processing this logic and the only thing you are doing is making her feel bad or resentful if you try to convince her of reality. She has a different reality than you, it is real to her, and if you try to change her mind she will think you are the broken one. Try therapeutic fibs, validation, soothing, distraction. Gosh mom, maybe the cable is out. I will call tomorrow and find out. Or maybe the cable company will send a technician out, but you know with this labor market it's going to be a while. Next week. Always next week. Maybe it was that vaccine mom, but I am sure this will wear off. Everything is going to be fine, we are here for you, it will be ok. Distract to a treat or something pleasant. If she says the grass is blue and the sky is green just go with it, say sure it is isn't it beautiful. The right response is the one that brings comfort.

Quilting brings calm

Yes, just nod your head and say - I’ve heard that affect is just temporary.  I’m sure it will all clear up soon.  Whereas if you hadn’t gotten the vaccine, and you got covid, well,  that brain fog lasts a lot longer.  

My MIL did not have dementia, even though she loved to say she did - for several years before she died.  It was only the  last few months of her life that  her older son needed to take over paying her bills, etc. 

About 10 years before she died, she fell while on an outing at a local park.  She broke her arm.  From then on, she blamed every issue she had on that fall no matter what it was or how long since.    She had both a hip and knee replacement several years before that fall, colon cancer several years before that fall, and had arthritis pretty much everywhere before that fall.   Eventually she used a walker a few years after the fall.  Yet she always  pointed to that fall as the cause of needing the walker, no longer being able to bowl,  or why she failed her required driving test, etc.  

mommyandme (m&m)

In my opinion, there’s a point when frank discussions only bring about fear, anger, frustration and sadness for all involved.  If it doesn’t really matter then no use in arguing.  If there’s safety involved, removal of the unsafe item/situation without discussion is easier.  The gripe from the LO will eventually subside especially with well placed therapeutic fibs. 

This is hard, so sorry.