Anyone with live in caregiver???

slippednfell

As I am handicapped and my dh is declining, I was thinking about looking into a live-in caregiver.  I can provide room and board.  It would be good for someone doing online college courses, I would think.

Has anyone gone through this?  Do I also need to pay a small salary?  What are the pitfalls I need to watch out for?  What are your thoughts?

Thanks in advance.  

Gig Harbor

There was a lady on one site I follow who had brought in a family. The husband had a regular job and the wife and her small child helped with the husband. I have a friend who has done the same. After her husband died the family has continued to live with her for the last three years and she is really happy. She loves the children and is never lonely.

M1

This is something I am also contemplating slippednfell.  So I don't have any advice, but I sure am interested in the topic.  We have a cabin on the farm, and the current tenant (who is a good friend but doesn't work for us in any capacity) is likely moving out to buy his own place late summer.  So one thing I may try to pursue is finding a new tenant who is willing to provide farm help as well as companion care for my partner.  I have no idea if something like that could work out, but it's on my list of possibilities.  I've been at my wit's end today (see other threads) and need to get some new things in place.  I can stand a few more months if something like this could eventually work out.  Hope it will for you too.

Ed1937

I think this could work, but you have to do your homework on the potential caregiver. There is a man I knew since my teens, who needed someone to help him because he is now disabled. He somehow got in touch with a young man from overseas, and took him into his home. This man has been with him for maybe 15 or 20 years, and has worked out well.

Paris20

I hired a live-in caregiver who is experienced with dementia patients. She is from Eastern Europe but has been in the US for over 15 years. I pay her a hefty salary. My husband won’t let her take care of him. I am “it.” However, the aide takes care of everything else…cooking, laundry, even help with the dog and light cleaning. I could not do this without her. My husband follows me around constantly. He loses his temper frequently, curses like a sailor, yells, and is incontinent a good part of the time….a bad part of the time. He is my full time job. The aide’s presence has allowed my husband to stay home, even though he thinks we’re at a hotel.

Rescue mom

I know several who’ve tried it, with mixed results. The cases where it worked best, oddly enough, we’re cases of terminal illness….Needless to say, there was a great deal of lawyers and “contracts” involved (not sure if that’s the best word).

People who had problems said—and I’m trying to sum it up—it was because of different expectations about how much time/privacy the live-in got. (M1 set-up sounds great, BTW)

Some expected the aide to be “working” and available pretty much whenever they were home; they were very well-paid, plus room and board. The aide agreed to that, but as we all know, not everybody realizes the realities and 24/7 nature of dementia caregiving. That’s happened to a few people in my IRL support groups. They think it’s all worked out, but then it goes sideways. A couple times the PWD got physically dangerous. And so on.

I’d definitely be interested in doing it myself, but I can also see that it could be really hard to find the right person. 

ButterflyWings

This would be ideal for us, but I have no idea how to identify and convince the right person.

I have thought many times if there only was something like an AD au pair program! Background checked, HHA certified or at least dementia experienced. We would have to share a modest sized space — which I can live with now that dementia has changed my priorities and tolerance level completely from BD days when privacy was much higher on my list.

M1, I sure hope you can work something like that out, especially given your extra unit on property. A couple could be great as mentioned, and it would be a mutual blessing for both families. Seems like a perfect residency for someone interested in geriatrics, neuro or memory studies, or even social work, to be lead caregiver for your partner. Maybe they could share the cabin with a farmhand roommate even if there’s no prior personal relationship. It really could work. I pray it does. I will trust the universe for your relief to come soon.

slippednfell

Thank you all for your input!  I was hoping that by providing room and board (a spare room in a good sized house) and a computer for use that I could avoid paying a salary as well.  That is why I was thinking a college student that is either part time or online as opposed to full time student would be a good deal.  I am looking more for housekeeping/laundry help that helping with my dh.  It sounds like most live in situations involve a salary as well as room and board.

M1:  You have an ideal set up and I would think that would work out well if you can find someone that suits you and your situation.  Seems like they would just be working off rent rather than you having to provide a home and pay a salary...

It would be great to have a service that provides people with qualified live in care givers.  Back ground checked, etc.  Any entrepreneurs out there?

If I had to pay a salary, I might just as well pay for a housekeeper to come in once a week and care giver for a few hours, a couple times a week and not worry about a stranger in my home.

jmlarue

Slippednfell - Hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I think finding a college student to work for room and board would be beyond difficult. Hiring a housekeeper and a part-time caregiver for some respite caregiving would probably be the best and lowest cost option. Housekeepers are relatively plentiful, as are caregivers that you may only need for a few hours each week. Expand that to someone to give personal care as a live-in and you'll find that labor pool to be almost non-existent.

aconite

If you're not going through an agency, be sure to check out rules regarding taxes (federal - household employee / state income tax) and unemployment (state rules).   https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc756  

I set this up for my parents who had someone come in to help several hours a day - not live-in. It takes a bit to set up but eventually gets to be a routine.  It's been a few years since I last did this - and over 10 years since I set it up, but here's what I recall doing: (1) set them up with a federal EIN number; (2) set up as an employer with the state; (3) with each payment, do needed withholding for federal and state income taxes as well as FICA (social security and Medicare);  (4) their state required remittance of the state withholding each month; (5) file/pay unemployment taxes quarterly to the state; (6) At the end of the year, create W-2s and file them with federal and state; (7) on my parents' personal income tax return, did the household employee tax form to pay employer's share of social security and Medicare as well as federal unemployment tax.

It took a while to plug through all of the rules, especially since many are written for employers in general and not for someone who has a single household employee. I have no idea how or if this changes if one is providing room and board as part of the compensation.

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harshedbuzz

My former neighbor has done so twice.

He first hired a live-in carer for his wife who had MS. He traveled for work and put in a lot of hours at his company's home office and maintained a separate condo closer to that office where he was most of the week. Live-in was required. The woman and her husband lived there. He worked kind of odd jobs- construction and substitute teaching mostly and was available to spell his wife when she needed to go out. She was paid the going rate for caregiving and had 2 days off a week when the husband or one of the kids stayed with the wife. This particular caregiver had made a career of live-in gigs while renting out her own home and she moved onto another patient with MS who provided her a little gatehouse cottage on the property as well as a suite in the main house. 

About 5 years after the wife died, the neighbor remarried and moved in with his new wife. He sold the house to his new MIL's Trust. She had late-stage dementia and lived there for about 5 years with another caregiver couple. He had a day job, but often helped with the MIL when he was home. This couple maintained their own home in the next town and spent days off there. MIL lived longer than expected and the caregiver's husband eventually moved to the MIL's house. MIL's DD filled in weekly for days off or hired agency help when she was away. The caregivers sometimes had their kids and grandkids visit- mostly Sunday dinner and holidays. I'm guessing MIL loved it- she was that sweet confused little old lady brand of dementia.

Unfortunately, the neighbors on the other side complained mightily about this arrangement; I suspect it was because the caregivers were people of color. The other neighbors raised a stink with the original owner and HOA  (there was no basis for action but the "investigation" was humiliating- I was interviewed about charges of late night parties and loud music- it was awful) which resulted in the caregiving couple moving back to their own home and bringing the MIL with them which I would not have predicted. MIL died in their home about a year later. 

HB

slippednfell

Thank you for the additional input.   Just to clarify, if I could find someone with a part time job or college student, I would really just have them keep house and I would do the care giving.  I would continue to cook but need help with cleaning up after.  I would likely also continue to do the laundry although help with putting it away would be nice.  Basically, they would just have to clean bathrooms, vacuum, sweep, mop, dust and put clean dishes away.  Seems to me that would only take a few hours, a couple of times a week, except dishes.  Room, board, internet, use of computer and satellite tv... a student could do a whole lot worse.

I am in a remote area where there are no housekeeping services.  You have to hire individuals, and most aren't reliable or don't do a decent job.  Been that route for the past 3 or 4 years.  Whole different work ethic in these hills.

emmamom

When I was in university, a woman with dementia lived next to me and I loved helping her. Also my friend lived with woman and care about her and it all depended on how long she had to sit with the woman. If enough, she was paid. It was convenient because she spent so much time at home because after studying she came home and studied and work online (she turned more to https://writinguniverse.com/free-essay-examples/school/ for help with studying than studied but it is standard because I also did so). So you can think about it because there are a lot of such students and they don’t mind helping to take care of your dh

Cynbar

There is an agency here in Massachusetts called Sostek Homecare, with several regional offices. I'm not good at posting links here, but they absolutely provide live-in caregivers who are bonded, insured, and supervised. I have not used them but know people who have, and they have been quite satisfied. It does require a salary plus room and board, and they provide a sub when the regular caregiver needs a break. I hear that the charge is quite a bit less than paying for extensive hourly care. You can Google them, you may find they have branches in your area or they might be able to give you info on other companies.

Crushed

pretty good guidance  at   https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/homecare/hiring-independent-caregivers