Hallucinations(22)

Mahcus

Both of my parents have dementia. They are still very functional though. What worries me is my mom’s  recent belief that there are more than her and my dad living with them. Basically, she thinks my dad is two different people. Is this a common or typical symptom ?

Tchana

My mother does the same thing.  It's been dogging us all for the past 2 years.  My mother will phone me or my siblings late at night because she's distraught over who is the real Ron Smith (not my dad's real name), and she drove my dad crazy with it too.  Everyone we know is aware that she thinks there are two Ron Smiths.  Now that my father is in the hospital and may not recover from his stroke & heart attack, I got thrown into this mess with my mother.  I live a 4 hr drive from my parents but overnight became POA for them both and have been living with my mother while navigating all their finances & medical matters, but though my mother recognized me as her daughter when I arrived, I'm now finding she looks at my strangely now and then and doesn't know who I am sometimes ("Did you grow up here?"), and also very often believes there are other people present - no one she can name.  My mother often believes there were children in the house and gets very agitated over it:  "What happened to the children? Did their mothers pick them up?"  or "I don't know where my children are... they haven't phoned me!"

I am new to navigating how to handle her and she is unwilling to go to see her doctor, particularly while my dad is in the hospital and all she wants to do is visit him - and even there she asks, "Don't we have someone else in the hospital?"  She thinks there are two of him there.  I need to get her to take medication to calm her anxiety/paranoia so we can try to hire a live-in caregiver for her.  Right now she would drive anyone else insane, it seems to me.  I am barely coping with her but have two siblings who live much closer but cannot tolerate her.

Vitruvius

What you described is very common. There are many such posts from spouses on the spouses forum. Failure to recognize loved ones is not a hallucination per se.

For over a year now my DW of nearly 50 years does not recognize me has her loving husband. I still care for her at home. Fortunately she thinks of me as someone she is comfortable with. Or rather I should say she thinks of me as several different people who she is comfortable with. My identity can change several times a day and she often expresses frustration about the disappearance of the previous version of me that she thinks has left her.

You say they are very functional but I suggest that the failure to recognize people is soon followed by a failure to be very functional. Please keep a close eye on their ability to fend for themselves.  

JudyMorrowMaloney

Yes this is common. My husband often thinks that other people are in the house. At one time he thought they were having a party upstairs and got upset because they didn't invite him. Sometimes I wonder if I will survive this and not drop dead from all the stress. He often thinks I'm one of his sisters who have both passed away. I'm not sure if I should go along with it or correct him. Does anyone have any thoughts about that?

ChicagoGal

My mom is 88 and lives in her own home. We have caregivers with her during the day.  She claims that people are in her kitchen at night talking.  She also believes that children live in the house.  A couple of months ago she told me two men were taking off the gutters in her house and she even described them to me - and they came on horses.  Half of the time she referes to me by my father's name (he passes away two years ago) or talks about me as if I was not there having a conversation with her.  We try to distract her by changing the subject.

harshedbuzz

Machus-

Hi and welcome. 

This sounds more like a delusion- a false belief. It's pretty common for PWD to believe there are multiple versions of a spouse, child or caregiver. I think this sometimes stems from not being oriented to time; if a PWD believes it is a different decade, they might recall a younger version of the person while still recognizing the older one. My dad's version was to believe he owned multiple houses. 

Hallucinations are when a PWD sees, hears or even smells something that isn't there. Fairly early on, dad heard kids playing upstairs. Later he saw people who weren't there- he once told me not to sit in a specific chair as a golf buddy was already occupying it.

Hb

ButterflyWings

Welcome Machus and all who are new to our club that no one wants to need. There are experienced, caring folks here and we all are in the same leaky boat.

I agree, your LOs are likely not as functional as you think. This is a stage where much can go very wrong if PWDs are left unsupervised. I’m sorry, but it is the truth. 

Here are a couple of links that are super useful informative about dementias and how to handle things that may arise. Better understanding that their brains are failing them and they likely have no awareness of that, can help us be more compassionate in the face of what seems like stubborn, willful hostility at times. There also are helpful links at the top of this page “solutions” explaining hallucinations and how to handle them. (Hint: just accept their reality and if it’s not hurting anyone, it’s not a big deal).! My DH sees and hears things that are not there. I tell him they left & said they won’t be back for a while.

 https://tamcummings.com/stages-of-dementia/

https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/

Rescue mom

All common. As said, it’s almost always better to go along with the hallucination/delusion. You cannot “convince” them they’re wrong; they are not rational now.  They think what they see or saw is real, and it is to them. Arguing can cause upset and worse problems. 

Just agree (more or less) and maybe try to change the subject. You can say something like “I’ll tell those people to leave” or  “he’s nice but he’ll leave” or say you just checked and the children are fine. Whatever applies.  Assure them you’re taking care of whatever problem they imagine, and you’re watching out for them.

 If they think you’re someone else (my mother thought I was her long-dead sister, her own mother, a “maid”, all in a day) it can be so hurtful. But my goal was to keep her calm, and go along with whoever/whatever she thought. Mom also was often irritated because people were in the house, or bothering her someway (none true). I told her I’d talk to the cops, or I reported the people, and so forth. That would calm her, but arguing it didn’t happen never worked.

One exception I had: my DH said he saw me doing outrageous things —his words were very different—with strange men in public places. That led to violent rage and physical threats and attempts. I felt in danger (and was) and docs gave Rx drugs that calmed him down.

Arrowhead

My mother's sister would call to tell her that there's a strange man in the house. Mom would tell her that he is her husband. She'd say, "no it's not (his name). I don't know who he is'"

ButterflyWings

Mahcus and Tchana -

I don't know if you have run across Teepa Snow yet, but her approach to validating and positive approach to our LOs with dementia is highly recommended here. I've pulled this link for you. Hope it helps you as it did me!

Dementia - Redirecting Hallucinations with Teepa Snow of Positive Approach to Care

 

Dementia - Redirecting Hallucinations with Teepa Snow of Positive Approa...

 

ButterflyWings

Mahcus, here is some of the background information on sneaky dementia and how we can be fooled into thinking our loved ones are far more functional than they really are. Be careful.

It happens to most families/friends, (happened to me) in part because we want so much to believe our LOs are OK and in part because most PWDs are so insistent about their independence and sometimes they really do seem to be fine. The other huge issue is there is so little awareness of how dementia's really operate compared to the stereotype of eccentric, *absent-minded, harmless little old men or ladies. But [the reality of] AD, etc. is far different from that as you will see on these boards. And that is further complicated by the number of pitfalls and predators out there, with so many ways to exploit unsuspecting and unsupervised PWDs when no one else is monitoring. Best of luck to you on this journey. We have lots of company here.

Do read this excellent article and share with interested family and friends. It was an eye-opener for me:  

http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf

Tchana

Thank you, ButterflyWings - because my mother's hallucinations seem very schizophrenic, one thing I am trying is to give her a 1000 mg methyl-folate supplement daily with her lunch.  My parents own a health food store (the future of which is in the lurch since my father's incapacitated by a stroke which was followed by a heart attack, and my mother has vascular dementia (based on a CT scan) and (according to the neuropsychologist) Alzeheimer's disease), so they both prefer natural supplements to meds, but my mother can't take large pills and many things bother her stomach which severely limits what I can get her to take.  So far, the folate MAY be helping to reduce her insistence that there are other people present. Rather than panicking over these imaginary persons, she's at least questioning "Wasn't there someone sitting in the chair there a minute ago?" or "Isn't there another person in our family in the hospital?" or "Do you know what happened to the children who were here?"  And she's not argumentative when I say no one else was there whereas she has been argumentative and insistent in past episodes (one biggie over the Christmas holiday).

The paranoia is the more difficult issue as well as false memories.  I cannot get her to see her doctor because she has a strong false memory that this doctor tried to "put her away" by sending her to another country.  Without getting her to her doctor, I cannot get Rx meds for her that others in this forum say can be very beneficial, and without getting her behaviors under control, we cannot get her a live-in caretaker.  I live 4 hrs away and want to be back with my husband but there's no other relative who can tolerate my mother and live here with her, and as POA for both parents now, I'm majorly stuck. 

 VERY grateful for this forum.  I will present my case in a separate thread but appreciate the links you have suggested.  Very difficult to learn this up while also being primary caretaker for her, trying to get her to visit my dad every day at the hospital (2 siblings help sometimes with that), trying to learn up & deal with their finances + make medical decisions...  A truly unbelievable time (I'm taking CBD oil, GABA, L-theanine & other natural supplements to help me handle the stress and try to jog or do sit-ups to relieve the ache in my gut over all this.)

Mahcus

Thanks for the response. It sounds like you and I are in very similar situations.

Mahcus

Thanks for the reply. I’ve often been told to just play along.

Mahcus

Thanks for the reply. I’m an hour away from them but try to keep a close eye on them. I’ll check out the spouse forum.

Mahcus

Thank you for the reply and clarification. That will help direct my research and inquiries.

Mahcus

Thank you. I’ve heard about her.