Things are looking up

Buggsroo

I phoned our social worker and asked for some respite care. Next week it will begin. I also have gotten my husband into a day program to keep him amused, one day a week to see how he will take to it.

I am getting used to six hours of sleep a night, it is amazing what one can deal with. I don’t get as angry but now I am dealing with him as if one would deal with a child. I no longer offer choices, I just state things that will happen. I have also realized that I must get outside for an hour a day for fresh air. 

He also takes a shower every second day, I shower him, shave him and make sure he uses deodorant. He stinks sometimes, he never did before. He now shuffles and drools, it is terribly sad. When I wash his bum he laughs. I am glad he isn’t bothered by it. I notice he doesn’t wear underwear, so I laughed and told him he was going commando. He loves that. 

The other day he said ‘Come here, I want to tell you something.’ That was our code for sex. I just laughed and told no dice, not after washing your bum. He laughed. 

He forgets he has eaten right he has eaten so asks for food continuously. I have learned to say no nicely but I do have loads of little snacks and that seems to work. 

The best part is that I have an appointment with a gerontologist/psychiatrist in May, hopefully we can get his meds sorted. 

Stuck in the middle

Sounds good, Buggsroo.  Glad to hear it.

jmlarue

So glad to hear that things are looking better for you and for your DH. I think it's a very good move not offering choices. The dementia literature certainly suggested the either/or technique (out of a sense of compassion, I think), but as his dementia progressed, offering him choices just added another stressor for both of us. My DH has been incapable of making any type of decision for some time now. Do update us on how he does with the daycare placement. I'd love to hear some encouraging words that it's working for both of you. I've been hoping to get an opening in a daycare program for my DH. Just not sure if he's ready. Enjoy the respite. Wishing you some peace and a time to breathe.

ButterflyWings

Exciting progress! Good for you! This all sounds so promising and I can imagine how much work you had to do to get these things in place. Well done Buggsroo. I hope to find a daycare option too perhaps, now that some COVID closures in our area may be relaxing. Your update is encouraging and inspiring!

Ed1937

It's always good to hear when things are good. I'm glad for you.

JoseyWales

I'm happy for you. I hope you can enjoy your time.

I get the getting used to 6 hours of sleep idea. I now sleep 8 pm to 2 am (when DH sleeps, I sleep.) And I can get up at 2 without wanting to throw something through a window. I consider it a lucky day if we get back to sleep, but if not I got 6 hours!

Sligo177

Buggsroo,

You are doing a great job with your LO, and so glad you will be getting help.  I hope the day care program is a success, I'm on the wait list for my DH now - things are backed up because of COVID and all.  I appreciate your kindness in sharing your experience, it helps all of us to understand how hard it can be just to get through the day.  And how to get to the next steps.  Have a good day Buggsroo, prayers for for you, for some rest and some smiles.

eaglemom

Seems like things are on the steady, which is great. He's happy and you can take a deep breath which equals a good day.

eagle

ImMaggieMae

Buggsroo, I’m glad to hear that the respite program is coming through for you. It will hopefully give you some breathing room. It sounds like our husbands are at somewhat similar levels. Your husband is on Risperadone too, right?

Lynne D

Thanks for sharing your good news, and sharing your loved one’s progress. Yay for sis hours of sleep!

Pat6177

Wow, so many pieces to the puzzle falling into place all of a sudden! Good work getting it all to happen. Enjoy the respite and the fresh air!

Joydean

Buggsroo, thank you for sharing your sunshine with us! Just to get a little time for yourself is a very big blessing on this horrible journey. So it is sunshine on this gloomy road! Enjoy every precious moment you get!