Reason for the terrible awful no good very bad day

M1

Well I managed to get outside for an hour this afternoon for an hour of leaf raking since she objects to my hiring anyone.  Tomorrow is my partners 81st birthday, and our one couple of friends who still visit are coming for lunch. When I came in from outside about four o'clock, she had all three of our portable phones on her desk, and told me that she was trying to reach someone, she had recently made friends with another couple who had called and wanted to take her out to dinner tomorrow, but she didn't know how to reach them. All of which I of course knew not to be true.  She had been so outrageously off all day (and this week, with the new theft delusion etc) that it finally dawned on me to question her and look, and sure enough she admitted she had gotten into an old bottle of doxepin (a tricyclic that she used to take a long time ago for sleep). I don't know where it came from or where she'd been hiding it. Gone now, of course. She's lucky she didn't really hurt herself.

I don't know how much longer I can do this. She's too much mischief.

Marta

Alexander:  I’m so sorry for the THNGVB day. From your posts it seems you are inching closer towards placement. These days are gut wrenching. A psych admission finally forced me into placing my husband.  Planning ahead, as you’re doing, is infinitely better.  You are doing the right thing.

ButterflyWings

Dang it, M1 - how do they get into such mischief with our extreme safety-proofing and serious vigilance?

I too just shake my head here. So glad she didn’t overdose and that she trusts you enough to tell you what’s up. That’s huge. It really is scary how quickly our LOs can sprint to the brink of disaster. I’ve had a low normal blood pressure all my life, but I’m pretty sure that’s no longer the case. Trying to stay one step ahead of DH through the crazy-making mid-stages (and even still, treading water here in 6d) makes me nearly hyperventilate at something or other, daily. Me, who never has been easily phased—but these are next level shenanigans we caregivers deal with to keep them safe secretly and often over their protests. 

Do you/could you try some of the cameras our forum mates have placed discreetly to keep an eye on their LOs movements when you’ve got to be outside or in another room briefly? One of the very first things the neuro team told me on diagnosis was “you’re going to have to watch him”. And they meant truly line of sight which he has been for a while now. I was able to see things I would not have believed or imagined, and he was totally unaware of the danger of his actions. I know each of our PWD LOs is different but maybe a wyze cam or two would be helpful for you right now. 

M1

The cameras are a thought.  We have a problem with wifi connectivity though:  although we live in the richest county in the state, it's a rural area and all internet is satellite-based.  On top of that, we have a metal roof on the farmhouse, with really interferes with receptivity (interesting aside there:  the roofers were Mennonite and didn't use cell phones, therefore I think were not as cognizant of the need for antennas etc. to overcome this.  Unfortunately, the kind really needed cannot be retrofitted).  So I'm not sure cameras would work; I guess I won't know for sure unless I try (we cannot for instance stream any TV/movies.  I can download, but it takes about an hour for an hour-long program to download.  And this is the fastest connection available).  But it's definitely a thought.  And yes, it's exhausting just to try to stay ahead of her.  She always was a willful, Irish redhead and there is much that was good and useful in her temperament that contributed to her extraordinary success, but much that is not helpful at this stage.  She only has one surviving sister in Texas, who also just shakes her head.

Ed1937

M1, I'm glad you didn't have an overdose on your hands. Those Wyze cameras might be worth a try. You can buy one for around $30.00 new. 

We're called on to be in 2 places at 1 time, and have eyes on the back of our heads. Most people wouldn't understand that.

Rescue mom

I’m sorry. My DH has found and gotten into things I never imagined. We have to be hyper-vigilant, as you know, that takes a physical toll…

FWIW we have a metal roof and other construction issues (re: hurricanes) that make cell etc. reception almost impossible. I’m told there are booster-like things you can buy and add or put on the outside of the house that help a lot. They weren’t common, but available.  When I looked a couple years ago, they cost about $200-$300 and I, at least, would have needed tech installation help. No structural/construction changes needed. Just FYI, just in case.

When they are still mobile, yet lost so much cognition, it’s really hard.

Paris20

I understand the hyper vigilance that is yet another aspect of caregiving. It reminds me of the babyproofing I did for my children and grandchildren. My husband picks up every object in his path and asks me what it is. Of course he forgets the answer immediately. My dog has terminal cancer and takes various meds. He got into that stash, brought me two bottles and asked me which one was aspirin. I pointed to the picture of a dog on the top of the bottles but I knew I had to find a new hiding place.

toolbeltexpert

I am sitting in Walmart waiting on tires for the car. Hearing all this got me to checking some camera but it doesn't  help just cause she's not on this camera doesn't mean dw isn't getting into  trouble. We have 2 wyze and three echo shows. Wishing I was home right now. 

M1 Happy Birthday  to your partner hope you have a great rest of the day

Jo C.

Happy birthday to your dear partner today.

I am very sorry for what happened; it certainly was an absolute no-goodnik day for sure. I can only imagine how stunning it was for you to realize she had found and was ingesting the doxepin.   The reality in knowing she is becoming more and more delusion driven makes the situation more serious.  Cameras can be helpful, but there is far too much for your DP to get into on the large ranch property, in the barn, the house, etc. that would not be captured on camera and as it is, you cannot keep your eyes glued to them every minute of every 24 hour day;  that is not sustainable.  She is still strong physically and able to move and get into things as the whim hits her, doing so without difficulty.

You truly have been a devoted partner in making herculean efforts in the most caring of ways to meet the challenges as they have ramped up.  You are at a crossroads and that is heartbreaking.  It appears that the behaviors are speaking for themselves regarding the danger.  Your idea of screening for an acceptable alternative care setting that will provide a safe, secure and caring environment is probably the choice that will soon become necessary.  It would be best to do research asap so one knows what is acceptable should a crisis event arise and a decision have to abruptly be made.

 May you both have a good day today on her birthday,

J.

M1

Thanks all, and we did have a nice lunch, she was much better today and happy to have company and the attention. Yes, decisions are looming. I’ll look into the Wyze-at the very least I might be able to keep her out of my bedroom with it, that would be the room I’d screen first. But you’re right Jo, there’s lots of places she can get in trouble here and what she really needs is 24/7 supervision.  There’s really going to be no substitute for hands on help.

Joydean

M1, glad to hear you guys had a good day on your wife’s birthday. Just having some friends over for even a short time must have made for some relaxing moments. 

Like you we live in an area where Wi-Fi is satellite based. And yes it is very slow. We just had to have a higher antenna added to even get Wi-Fi because of the trees in our area. But adding the antenna did help because before we added it our service was so spotty, sometimes it would be off for hours. I don’t know if that would work for you or not. Just an idea. 

Wishing you the best! 

M1

we've got every booster and antenna that's available and it's still extremely problematic.  We're hoping the infrastructure bill may eventually bring fiber optic cable to our road but then there's still 1500 feet from the road to our house that we'd be responsible for: this is the modern equivalent of rural electrification in the 1930's. Ironic to me because as I said this is the wealthiest county in the state, makes me really feel for the rest!!

sandwichone123

IMHO, everyone should lock up meds in a safe--especially meds with street value (pain meds) or meds that might be poisonous to our LOWD (animal meds). Seniors are regularly in dangerous situations if outsiders or their own addicted family members find out they have addictive meds in the house.

toolbeltexpert

M1 wrote:

we've got every booster and antenna that's available and it's still extremely problematic.  We're hoping the infrastructure bill may eventually bring fiber optic cable to our road but then there's still 1500 feet from the road to our house 

M1 I live in a rural area as well. We only had one option beside satellite our local coop telephone. We were getting our internet thru our our phone line which wasn't  very  reliable  or fast. We could stream netfix but prime wasn't very good it would stop and buffer.  The infrastructure money put the fiber in high gear. They ran our fiber and it's a 1/4 mile no charge.  I think that is part of the money getting the fiber run to homes. I am hoping you'll  get your this year. The money speed ours up by a whole year.

On a side not there is an Armish community about 30 miles from us and they are not near anything, and they are running the fiber down the paved  road that borders the community. They don't even have electricity. That's crazy. 

Jack Z.

Boy...your wife sounds like mine.  She's messed with the miniblinds in our bedroom three times within the last 2 weeks (got to fix them so she can't get at them.)  She put our carton of eggs in the freezer and ice cream in the pantry!  

Most days it doesn't bother me too much but for some reason I have been losing my temper (big time) which is not like me.   I've never EVER laid a finger on her and it's sad because she wants to know what I'm going to do with her after my blow up. 

If it keeps up I may need counseling...

Marie58

Jack Z. wrote:

Most days it doesn't bother me too much but for some reason I have been losing my temper (big time) which is not like me.   I've never EVER laid a finger on her and it's sad because she wants to know what I'm going to do with her after my blow up. 

Jack Z, I'm typically very patient but I started getting so stressed that it was affecting me in the patience area too. Impatient with DH, with our dear sweet grandkids, little things that didn't matter like a burned out lightbulb, you get the idea, just about anything. The stress, sleep deprivation, 24/7 caregiving without a break just does one in. I don't know if you have help, but it sounds like you need some relief. Blessings to you and your DW!

Jack Z.

Thanks Marie,

I can sleep ok and my DW gets about 10-11 hours of sleep at night.  Sometimes it's just something little that sets me off.  When I ask her to pick something up at arm's reach and she can't find it drives me crazy.  I know it's not her fault.  If I continue blowing up I will try to talk to a therapist.