My mother is taking my father on a cruise

Thephotogrrrl

My mother planned this cruise for her and my father. She said she wasn't getting any younger and she works hard. I said she deserved it and told her to send me lots of pics. She arrived yesterday on the ship and sent me a video of my father dancing to the music. At first I wasn't sure what to make of this trip; whether or not my father would be able to handle it. Doctors say he developed dementia at a young age (he's in his late 60s) compared to others who are diagnosed. He has difficulty with his speech. He studders. He pauses mid sentence because he can't remember certain words. My mother is the sole caretaker. I don't live with them but she gives me regular updates. The hardest part about his illness right now is that he has regressed back to childhood. My mother has to remind him what to do. Comparing his illness to others, he is doing okay right now. I understand things will get worse. I just hope they have a good time on this cruise. I don't know how my dad will react to it. So far so good. My mother says, when she can no longer care for him because of the severe progression of the illness she will put him in a home. 

I find it helpful to talk with families or read stories of  people who care for loved ones with dementia. This is the only thing that really helps me cope. 

I wish all of you well. And thanks for reading. 

ButterflyWings

Hi and welcome. Glad you found us but very sorry you needed to. I have only 3 words to say for your mom at this stage of the journey and how she seems to be seeing things unfolding:

Good for her!

Quilting brings calm

Every month, every year it will get harder for your mom to do vacations with him.  So it’s good that she does it now while they still can.  A ship is a self contained area.  As long as they are together, it’s pretty safe for him.  I actually doubt he is the only one there if she’s picked a cruise line often attended by older people.  

Keep in mind that if your mom is close in age to your dad, her ‘golden’ years of traveling and fun in her late 69s/early 70s has now been  effectively cancelled.  She’s got a decade or more of  caring for him ahead.   And it will only get much harder before he’s to the stage where she thinks she will look for placement  for him. 

Like Butterfly. I say good for her. 

sandwichone123

I hope your parents' vacation goes well. My dh and I were scheduled to go on a cruise in April 2020, when he was still working and Alzheimer's wasn't part of our vocabulary, although he was already having trouble finding nouns. We're now scheduled to go on it this coming April. I hope it will go well for us, too. It sounds like my dh and your dad are functioning about the same.

GothicGremlin

I think this is great.

Right after my sister was first diagnosed, she told me her bucket list item - she wanted to go to Italy/Sicily (we're Italian). My therapist, a former social worker, said that doing it as a cruise would be the way to go because Peggy would be coming back to the same room every night and that would allow her to make a mini-routine. So that's what we did. She was at early stage 5 at the time, and while I wouldn't say it was a vacation for me and my s.o., it was fantastic for her. She still remembers it, and she still talks about it.

I took a lot of photos, and created a scrap book out of the best ones. Going through the scrap book gives me another thing to do with her now that she's in memory care.

So yes!  Prepare in advance - on the way back, get airport wheelchairs lined up (if you need them), get help from the TSA (normally I hate them, but they were really helpful in this case), and let flight attendants know of your special needs.  In our case, with lots of preparation it all worked out well.

I hope your parents are having a wonderful trip!

Thephotogrrrl

Thank you all so much for responding to my post. You're replies have soothed my worries. I did receive a couple of pictures from my mom and it looks like they are having fun. Yes my mother said to me, before she booked this trip that basically she wasn't getting any younger. It would make sense for her to travel now, like you said. Before his illness gets worse. 

Thanks again. I love this site. The support here is invaluable.

I feel it helps so much to hear other people's stories. 

Rescue mom

Late to the party, but I think your mom is a wonderful, smart woman. Kudos to her for understanding the “do it while you can” idea, and actually getting it done.

IME, if they’ve been OK so far, they’ll be OK. And your mom is a wonder. As someone else said, at our ages (likely) travel time/ability is already limited, besides caregiving. 

My DH has Alzheimer’s; we travelled a lot before, and expected to do much more. But I was not strong enough to handle his dementia needs, which were far greater away from home than I expected. (Taking friends helped a lot, but few want to spend much vacation dealing with PWD)  And he fast became very uneasy/upset if away from home. Since your Dad sounds ok, hopefully they can go again if she wants.

We did a lot, but there were still trips we’d put off for various reasons. None of those reasons seem important now, I wish we’d gone when we could. Huge respect for your mom! I know how important your support is, and how much she appreciates it.