Confusion

Gig Harbor · March 2022

My husband is very confused today. He thinks he is at work and needs to install circuits ( retired 21 years ago) and can’t understand why I can’t help him. I tried to redirect then when that didn’t work we took a drive. Still no improvement so we stopped at McDonalds and I got him a milkshake. I know the confusion will start again shortly. I honestly think that if he was living in a memory care right now he would be happy. He would have multiple hallways to walk in and would have people to talk to. He really doesn’t associate me with being his wife but simply someone who is here and should know how to help him. I can’t imagine how some of you deal with this everyday for years. If he continues to stay this confused I don’t think his caregivers will be comfortable staying with him. I truly hate this disease.

M1 · March 2022

Same issues here GH, I truly think we’re in a similar spot. I snuck to town today to have my car serviced and see our PCP. I had let our neighbor know I was leaving as I have no other backup yet. While I was waiting at the docs office She called me as if I was a stranger, introduced herself, said she had found some of my suitcases in her basement, didn’t know why she had them, but would love to see me cause it had been a while and would be glad to give them back. Sooo weird. Told me when I got home that yes she had spoken to (me), still didn’t put two and two together.

Gig Harbor · March 2022

That is too weird. How old is she and how long since she was diagnosed? If I list out all the things my husband does and what he is incapable of doing now he sounds extremely compromised and ready for placement. I think because he has no incontinence and will shower when I insist on it he seems OK to be home. My neighbor is placing her husband in two weeks and if I am honest I actually envy her. She will have her life back and her husband will settle in and be contented. My husband is so physically healthy that he could live another 8 years at least. I can’t imagine him being locked up for that length of time.

M1 · March 2022

She just turned 81 last weekend. I’ve always called her the healthiest sick person I know, she has terrible scoliosis, rheumatoid arthritis, reflux related to the scoliosis, and lymphoma. But she worked like a Trojan her whole life, in her twenties could have gone pro in golf and tennis. Tough as an old boot, so there’s no telling how long she could physically last. But the dementia has really accelerated, and she tells me she is ready to go. Dementia symptoms started about eight years ago.

Joydean · March 2022

Gig, I’m sorry things are so bad. I also spend a lot of time taking my husband for rides. Says he hates being cooped up in the house all the time, but it’s an everyday thing!

M1, my husband knows who I am, most of the time, but there is no way he can use the phone. Today I was in restroom, house phone rang, it was our son, without thinking I ask him to please answer. I came in to room and he was holding remote and said no one answered! He can’t use the remote either.

I hate this disease and I hate what it is doing to our love ones and to use the caregivers.

M1 · March 2022

Yep Joydean, remotes, phones--I was actually surprised that she called me today. Just now as I was helping her to bed I found one of the tags off those suitcases in her bedroom. That's what she managed to dial from, but she didn't recognize the name or the phone number as mine.

Vitruvius · March 2022

Count me with those on this forum in a similar state. Those who think "I'm ready to place my LO, but I'm not sure they are actually ready. Can I survive until then?"

DW is only 70 and in pretty good health but her dementia is progressing rapidly. She can't use a phone, a remote or any appliance. Can't dress or bathe herself. Has increasingly difficult time walking more than a few hundred yards.

I keep reading that you'll know when it's time, but I don't think that's the case for me. My problem with knowing when the time is here is that she has Semantic Dementia and the development doesn't necessarily follow that for AD. If she was AD she would be Stage 6C, with intermittent incontinence. However with SD she still has fairly good episodic memory which I am afraid will make placement less successful.

I've said before that the actual care activities aren't that big of an issue for me. It's the "living in their world" that has me going nuts. Her world is one of every changing irrational delusions, including a revolving door of persons she imagines me to be. I also need to take her for drives to distract/entertain her but that is working less and less.