When the sadness descends

Jeff86

I like to think that I’m pretty resilient as a caregiver, but there are times when the heartbreak defeats the resilience.

DW slept 15 hours overnight and only awoke reluctantly.  She has spent most of the day sleeping, sitting up.  One manifestation of the long goodbye.

Here’s the poem I wrote today, reflecting on where we are and where we are headed.

 Into the Woods

we have not moved

yet here we are, somehow, 

not knowing quite how we got here

living on the edge of a forest

these woods are not lovely

though they are dark and deep

and you have never been 

a frontierswoman

but every day now

you take a walk in the woods

you take no heed of my warnings

it is a wilderness

without trails, without paths

without ways of going and ways of returning

only traces of steps

wild creatures have trod before you

I want to follow

to accompany you

to walk beside you

but as frail as you are

you leave me far, far behind

when you return

you cannot say where you’ve been

or what you’ve seen

and I know

against my wishes

you will venture forth alone again

tomorrow, and the next day,

and the day after

and I know

that each day

you will wander deeper into the woods

without destination, without purpose

driven, impelled, incapable of stopping

and I know

one day

soon

all too soon

you will not return

 

A. Marie

Beautiful, Jeff. Thank you.

Jack Z.

Nice job, Jeff.  Having a spouse with this disease is hard.  Very hard.

Thanks,

Joydean

Jeff your poem is beautiful and yet so very true, also heartbreaking. None of us can stop this darn* disease no matter how hard, all we can do is take care of our love one and do the best we can. 

Thank you for sharing. And I’m so sorry!  

M1

Echoes of Robert Frost Jeff.  We all have promises to keep? Thanks for sharing it. I'm sorry it's so painful sometimes. Guess that's why I'm awake at 2am....and here on these pages.

ButterflyWings

Beautiful. Tragic. True.

Thank you for sharing this. The sadness has overtaken me the last few days as well. Needed to come up for air. I appreciate your perfect timing and poetry giving voice to my reality too. Stay strong.

Ed1937

Jeff, you nailed it. Thanks for sharing.

DJnAZ

I also believe I am rather resilient as a caregiver. I accept that dementia has sucked  life from my wife and emotion from me. Your beautiful words, however, made me cry. After I read your poem I went into the room where my best friend was just sitting. She looked so lost and alone. And it reminded me that she is deep into her woods and not going to return.

JoseyWales

Beautifully written, and ever so sad. 

ImMaggieMae

Jeff, thank you for posting this. It has been a sad couple of days for me too and your poem expresses it so well. This is all so unbelievably sad. For all of us.

Paris20

Jeff, I live in a home surrounded by woods so your words really resonated. Thank you. Only someone who is going through the horrors of watching our LOs disappear into those woods can understand what we face.

Sarai

Beautiful poem. My dh has been sleeping 21 hours a day since October.  Called 17 psychiatrists and can't get an appointment to treat depression.  Neuropsychologist won't give a dementia diagnosis until the depression is under control.  So life is now sleeping all the time, coming downstairs twice a day to eat, then returning to bed. No medical help except pcp. So overwhelming.  I totally understand how you feel. Jeff

Joe C.

Jeff, Your poem certainly hit a never with me. Very accurate description of this journey.

LeBret

Yes ...

storycrafter

Jeff, this is the most heart touching metaphor and beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing it with us. It connects me with something so much greater than myself. ~Helen

OrganizerBecky

Beautiful and says it all. Thanks for sharing

piozam13

true.  sad.  expressed beautifully.

take care of yourself Jeff

LauraPaul

Thank you so much for giving voice..words to my pain.

ThatGuy

 Thank you.  I needed this today.