Critique my Technique!

WorkWithWhatYaGot

Ok, here's the scene:

Thursday morning, LO and my spouse drive and pickup a co-op delivery.

This is the sort of activity she enjoys.

Friday morning

LO gets up and says, with enthusiasm, Oh, today we're going to pickup.

I murmur something like, mmhumm, The weather is great today; a great day to get out....  I leave and return in 90 minutes or so.

When I came back she was in a bad mood.  I think she had figured it out. 

Me: Are you having a good day?   (This is mistake, I think) 

LO -   It is just a day!  (Agitated.)     I am not even able to keep up with what’s supposed to happen. 

me - That’s ok, the plans change a lot around here.    But the weather is great,  let’s try to do something outside.  

By the time I left again, I had redirected enough that LO's mood is generally positive; but could I have played this better?   

mommyandme (m&m)

I think you did great! 

Our LOs are frustrated early in this disease because they know they don’t know.  She let you know how she was feeling, that’s wonderful.  Unfortunately that will likely change where you have to guess what’s troubling her.  

jfkoc

Critique? I would validate before redirecting. Often a  hug will accomplish this...sometimes it takes more to let someone know we are listening and  understanding.

Iris L.

You went out and left her home from an outdoor activity she had enjoyed the prior day?  I think I would feel sad, too.

Iris

toolbeltexpert

WWWYG I like jfkoc,s validation maybe I can learn that. But I think your doing great. We are all here listening and learning. Here's to more great weather days to get out and do something. Blessings

WorkWithWhatYaGot

Thanks, I thought I was missing something.

I've tried the last couple of days - so far I've not been able to do this successfully. 

I think I do ok with the validation step with other things, like sadness, but not agitation. 

I end up being agitated myself; that one is very contagious I suppose.      

harshedbuzz

TBH, I think you did pretty well.

It sounds like she got the day/activity confused and then thought you left her home instead of bringing her along, no?

You are correct that the ability to read and feed-off of the emotions of others remains well into the disease progression. It sounds as if you were kind of blindsided which can make it hard to access the best script or strategy in the moment. Don't beat yourself up.

I found validation/pivot useful for many topics on which dad got stuck. I also found apologies a very useful tool in helping manage dad's emotions- he liked being right and I had no problems accepting responsibility for all manner of crimes I didn't commit. 

HB

ST_niece

For my LO and me, redirection has to include some tangible object or experience. “Let’s do a crossword / puzzle / go for a walk / look at old photos / go for a drive / etc”

In our situation, my LO wants to “go home” every day, so we go for a drive, and stop in a park and walk, or get a snack somewhere. This usually addresses the urge to go home. If you’re able to take your LO out for a drive, that might be all she needs.