Drivers license(1)

Lizzielou

Today I have to take the car keys and tell my DH that he can no longer drive.  It’s hard on both of us.

toolbeltexpert

That has to be one of the hardest things. It is that loss of independence. My dw hasn't driven in a year. The last time she drove,when she got home she didn't know where she had gone. She was mad cause she couldn't figure out where to go. That was the last time. She doesn't  know it but her keys are blanks. If she ever trys them she will probably get mad. I have already made a fiblet, I am gonna say the battery must be dead,and say the key won't  turn if the battery is dead as a safty feature.

CStrope

My DH's license just happened to be up for renewal, and in WI he would have to take a written test.  He tried to tell me he could easily pass it, so I gave him just the sign portion of the test from the DMV website and he failed it miserably.  That ended the argument in our house.  He still complained about it for a couple of months, but eventually he just conceded.

David J

Lizzielou, losing driving privileges is losing independence and a big emotional hit to the PWD. My wife's doctor told her in no uncertain terms that she should not drive. She didn’t agree. I got her to agree to a professional driving assessment, and the first available appointment was three months off. Before the three months were up, she decided to give up her license. I think she feared failing the test. Good luck!

Bob in LW

Lizzielou, I know what you are experiencing.  When my SO had an accident caused by confusion, her son, who handles her affairs, insisted that she give up driving.  He arranged for me to sell my car and for hers, which is newer, to be put in my name.  She is still very angry about not being able to drive, although I will drive her anyplace that she wants to go.  It's another loss of a part of her independence that she refuses to accept.

Ed1937

I think this has to be devastating for the PWD, and for the caregiver, not much better. But I escaped that problem because she hasn't driven in about 30 years because of vertigo caused by another illness.

Joydean

My husband hasn’t driven in 2 years, but it has not stopped him from wanting to. As everything else he blames it on “the pills “. If only he could stop taking them then everything would be okay. He has no idea how bad he would be or has been before getting his meds corrected. Driving was one of the most important things for him. 

I wish you good luck. 

JoseyWales

Driving was such an issue for DH. Looking back, I don't know how I ever survived it. I never took DHs license - he always had it in his wallet. I never got rid of his truck - it's still in the driveway. For the last couple of  years, I said, "Of course you can drive. But let me drive today, because...." and insert an excuse. He was usually ok with that. I did hide the keys, though.  

I think if I had actually taken the license or sold the truck, he would have had a huge meltdown. 

Joydean

Josey, I haven’t gotten rid of my husband’s truck either. Sometimes I take him for rides in his truck and mostly he’s okay with that. He loves his truck! He doesn’t do anything around the house but he will wash his truck. As long as it gives him something to do and care about, I’m okay with that.

Gig Harbor

My husband stopped driving in 2018 when I realized he was getting lost. He loved his truck but I didn’t want to drive it. In 2020 we sold it and today he has no recollection of owning it. He doesn’t recognize either of our cars when we park.

NylaBlue

I was lucky in that my husband never really enjoyed driving. Once he stopped working, we sold his car and I did 99% of the driving. Then we moved and he couldn’t get a new license because he couldn’t remember his new address, although we had owned the property for several years before moving. He wasn’t happy, but accepted it: no more driving. Occasionally he will say something about driving so I keep my purse under my side of the bed or locked up. One thrill after another

KevinMc

We moved about the time my DW was diagnosed with ALZ.  She really did not want to drive, so I thought I was out of the woods and never took her keys.  Then she began experiencing sun-downing and she could not remember where we were and why we were here.  So, she assumed she was visiting and was going "home".  I knew I was in trouble when, one day, I was working in the yard and I saw her car leaving.  I went looking for her but could not find her.  After an hour I returned home and was going to call the sheriff.  Fortunately, she called me crying that she was lost.  She was only about 5 miles from home so I recruited a neighbor to go with me and get her.  After that, I quietly removed her car keys from her key fobs. Unfortunately, that was only the start of the "I want to go home" delusions - but that is another and continuing struggle.

Kevcoy

During the past year or so my husband slowly gave up his desire to drive.  He was in an accident about three years ago.  No one was hurt and it was just bad enough to total our car.  We never replaced it and just use our truck which as been fine until my pice of work MIL got in the scene.  A couple of months ago while I was at work she took him to a couple of car dealerships to look for a newer vehicle.  She told him I was prohibiting him from driving and he should have a car for himself.  Now his desire to drive is back bigger than ever.  He has hallucinations so getting behind the wheel of a car would be a lawsuit just waiting to happen.  I don't get it, they forget so many things but the driving thing will remain with them forever.

M1

LizzieLou I completely empathize with how hard this is, we've been fighting it for years and still do at times, though less so as time goes on.  We finally reached a big point this week, she's agreed to let me sell her snazzy little red Mini Cooper (talk about little old lady from Pasadena car:  it's a 2007 and has 55,000 miles on it).  She finally agreed that it's not worth paying the insurance on it every six months to just sit in the garage (I took the keys long ago).  So her stingy businesswoman instincts finally won out, and I've got an appointment to take it to the dealer on Thursday.  She's very upset though.  I wouldn't have brought it up at all with her, but the battery was dead so I had to go get a new one yesterday before I could even sell it.  Otherwise it would have just disappeared with no discussion.

That leaves us with just my car (which she can't drive) and an old beater pickup for the farm.  I have the only set of keys to it though.  Last year she could still drive the John Deere lawnmower and the Kubota tractor, but I don't know about this year.  On the property is one thing, on the road is completely different.  She rarely leaves the property any more and doesn't really want to.

Cinsababe

It helped that our neuro told DH that he could no longer drive. When our insurance told us that our cost would decrease from $168 per month to $88 per month if he surrendered his license and we no longer had his car he immediately gave his car away and traded his license for an ID. I thought the battle was won. Now a year later he complains every day that I "stole" his license and his car! I am just glad he can no longer drive.

Rescue mom

It’s hard to get my DH to leave the house at all, and he has shown no interest whatsoever in driving for even longer. When I read threads like this, I am very grateful? Not to have to deal with this.  

The last time he drove, he had a very traumatic incident that involved him getting lost (which finally convinced some people that he wasn’t just “forgetful.”). He would not even try to drive after that. He doesn’t remember that incident now—can’t pick our car out from others, and is puzzled that I start it without a key—but he may connect driving=bad stuff.

Paris20

My husband’s memory is so bad that he doesn’t know he hasn’t driven in over two years. When his doctor told him not to drive because of his AD, my husband told the doctor he was all wrong and knew nothing. I realized I had to become creative. At first I simply beat him to the car and took the wheel. Now he doesn’t object to my driving. He thinks he drove last time. It works for me.

Jeff86

DW’s neurologist insisted she get tested if she wanted to continue to drive, as it was clear from periodic MMSE tests that spatial perception was compromised.  DW borderline passed the test for reaction times and the like, then passed her road test with flying colors.  

But she forgot even familiar local roads.   One day, she never showed up for a dentist appointment that was perhaps 5 miles from our house.  Completely lost, 20 miles away from where she should have been, with no idea of how to get home.  

That was the last time she drove.  

fthoelen

My story with DW is almost the same.  Last time she drove, she got lost and caused a minor accident.  She has come to realize that she can't drive, but I can't get rid of "her" car.  Any discussion of that causes a major meltdown.  What caught my attention in this post was the "when are we going home?"  I go into the office 3 days a week and get calls all day long from her asking when I am going to pick her up and take her home.  Then we we are home at night, the dialog changes to when are we going home "this is not home."  I'm at a loss what to say.