She broke her femur.

RanchersWife

My MIL broke her femur yesterday. We are doing Surgery to ease the pain. We don’t expect rehab to make her walk again. We just want to ease the pain. We aren’t desperate to fix her and restore anything. There are no good choices at this stage. Not doing surgery doesn’t feel right. We plan to bring her home asap and not keep her in a facility. We can give her better care at home. We don’t have a crystal ball and can’t know that this is the best decision but it feels best. 

M1

So sorry RW. Almost inevitable from what you've described. I hope you can keep her comfortable. You've been so strong for so long.

abc123

I'm so sorry for all of you. How are the boys holding up? I agree with M1, it was just a matter of time. This is such a cruel disease. You made the decision for surgery out of love and that makes it the right thing in my book. Please keep us posted. Wishing for the best outcome for her.

RanchersWife

Thanks guys. It was inevitable. She was going to walk and fall until she couldn’t get up anymore. We don’t have an easy road ahead. Thank you for saying that abc123. The boys are ok. My 19 year old was with her because I had taken the others to visit my parents for the weekend. He knows it’s not his fault. My 13 year old has been doing laundry, cooking and cleaning. That’s how he manages his stress…action. The 16 year old has a stomach virus. My oldest is coming home tomorrow for a day. The 9 year old needs extra hugs.

harshedbuzz

Rancherwife-

I am so sorry. This just shows that even the most loving and meticulous care is no match for dementia and gravity. 

If surgery is the only option for pain control, then it is a loving choice. Will you be able to stay in her room at the hospital while she's there? I think a familiar person would make a huge difference in her experience and comfort. 

When she gets home, you may need someone with her 24/7 at bedside. When my aunt broke her hip and wrist in a fall, she could not recall the injury, surgery or need to stay in bed and was still compelled to pace. It was a rough time.

I hope things go as well as possible for her and your family.

HB

eaglemom

I am so sorry to read this. How awful for all of you. It seems you have the correct attitude about the surgery and getting her as pain free as possible. That's the best you can do at this point.

Keep us in the loop.

eagle

RanchersWife

Covid is pretty much over in Texas (we live on the TX/OK border and they took her south to the better hospital) There can be two people in the ICU with her. We are going to continue to pay her caregiver to sit with her if she ends up in a skilled nursing facility for awhile. I can see having to sit beside her since she was a pacer before. I don’t want her alone in a nursing home!!! 

Our hospice nurse is on board with the plan to get her home and back on hospice. She just checked in with me. 

M1

Thinking about you RW. Hope she's resting okay.

I hate broken bones more than anything in medicine. Painful, painful.

RanchersWife

She’s doing really well! The icu nurses were very happy with how she looked after surgery. Her color was good and her vitals are great. I got a lot of education on care of bedridden patients and expectations of mobility. The nurse showed me a PureWick. We might use that for nighttime. A lot of her recovery will depend on her brain function. She’s tough. We are going to keep trying to bypass a facility. As of right now she hasn’t spoken or really focused her eyes. I’m hoping that her PT session at 1 pm on Tuesday is successful!

May flowers

Glad to hear she came through surgery well! It took a week before my FIL really was able to really open and focus his eyes. He was loopy for a long time. He did this weird thing with his eyes rolling back in his head that scared us, but the nurse said it was normal. The PureWick sounds great (wish they made one for men, lol)

Hope she recovers quickly and without too much pain.

abc123

Thank you for the update! I'm happy to hear this. Hoping you are able to get her back home soon where you all will be more comfortable. Thank you for telling us about the boys! What fine young men. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

mommyandme (m&m)

Oh my… so much.

She’s very fortunate to have you and yours in her corner.  

Wishing you all peace and comfort. 

RanchersWife

The surgery was good because it helped her pain. However, she cannot pass a swallow test. They are discharging her tomorrow. She will come home and we will see what we can do. Unless she starts swallowing she won’t last long. Our hospice nurse will be by after we get her home. She responded to my husband (her youngest) by smiling, opening her mouth and squeezing his hand. The ICU nurse asked if he was the baby? It was very good for my husband to have that meaningful contact with her. I’m glad they had that moment. She didn’t seem to like me or the nurse today. My sister in law spent some time with her telling her about all the people who love her. This journey has been hard. I don’t feel relief. I want to go back to pacing, loving her morning coffee, eating with her hands and trying to escape out the front door.

RanchersWife

Being a member of the Sandwich Generation means I’m making chocolate chip cookies with my 9 year old (because he asked) and waiting on the ambulance to bring Grandma home.

MN Chickadee

I know exactly what you mean. In those final hours with my mother I would have given anything to go back to those days of difficult behaviors. You and your family are strong and will get through this. I will say I felt some relief and solace after she passed. The process is such a build up and excruciating to watch and when it's finally over and they are at peace there is some relief but I wouldn't even say it was very welcomed. Such a hard journey. You've done your best for her.