What do I do?(2)

toolbeltexpert

My dw is losing her crafting ability. She crochets and she is having increasing trouble with making things.  So I know she's gonna lose her ability. What can I do? She's getting increasingly frustrated not getting it right. Anybody out there been thru this. Is she gonna just quit doing it on her own?  She spends so much time counting and folding the towels she works on, every now and then she starts crocheting on them. She has 100's of towels to do and everytime we go out she wants to go get more. I can work around that.

loveskitties

Don't know if this will help, but I crochet and getting counts right is very important to the process.

I know they have things to attach to the stitches so that if you count 10 and attach to that stitch you know without recounting that it is 10 (or whatever number you determine)

If she has never used them before, I don't know if she will be able to do it.

I suspect that at some point she will forget how to make the stitch she needs for her pattern or even how to wrap the yarn around the hook.  If she gets too upset about that she will probably just stop.

Maybe introducing a new "hobby" like stickers...could make pages to give to young children in school...to make it seem like a worthwhile change...rather than just keeping her busy.

Sorry no better answers.

Quilting brings calm

My mom gave up crocheting about 2.5 years ago.  She said she could no longer follow the pattern.  I didn’t see any of her work in progress so I don’t know if she was having trouble with the stitches themselves.  I saw a post ( maybe on Facebook) a while back where a daughter has photographed sone of her moms small squares over time.  The deterioration in the stitching and  even random color variations was very apparent. 

I’ve tried to interest my Mom in 100 piece puzzles or word search book, , but she is not interested.  Occasionally she will attempt a simple painting type craft at the assisted living center- done in a group with a group leader. 

Scooterr

    My DW used to love to sew, she had different types of machines for every different project ( I really don't know what each one of them did).  Then last year she slowly started to lose her ability to use them. I would try and help, but she would get so frustrated. She eventually stop trying. We still have the machines and she don't even bother looking at them now.

  I did start her on another craft using paint markers and adult coloring books (I didn't know they had adult coloring books got them at a store here in OK. called Hobby Lobby) she  gives the pictures to our grandkids or who ever is around.  I  have a Workshop where I'll let her come out and we do small projects together. I think no matter what we try with our LO's they just want to feel productive. I know it's hard seeing a LO lose the ability of doing something they've done for years. Stay strong.

abc123

I'm sorry she's losing the ability to crochet. I can only imagine her frustration. It's a sad disease and I hate it for all of us. My mom loved being outdoors and working in her flower beds. She lost interest and wouldn't even go outside to sit on the patio. She gave that up years ago.

Ed1937

My wife did a lot of crocheting, but she just quit without saying why. I like loveskitties idea about the stickers. Or maybe a stamp collection?

toolbeltexpert

Thanks everyone, scooter my dw loves Hobby Lobby, she has tons of liquid paint, and she also has three sewing machines. She has sown my leather boots on one her mom had. Love skittles I didn't know they made something to help with stich count,that might help for a while I will look into that.  Most of all thanks everyone for your empathy. You helped me know she's probably gonna just stop doing these crafts. I am gonna try to get some pictures of the things she's done,and share them. It sounds like the world is gonna lose some very talented people.

Jo C.

It will be delightul to see some of her artful work; I am looking forward to that.  When the time comes she no longer can enjoy that special handwork gift she has, the adult coloring book with the special coloring pencils will still let her get some creative longings out using those hands, and permit her to work with different colors.  Hobby Lobby does carry those items. 

J.

sorrickba

My DH is getting more violent every day, he wants to hit me with fist.   Do I take a hit so he  can get help?  He fights the routine of changing clothes.  But he can't wear soiled underwear.  He was at the doctors 2 weeks ago and he was peaceful then.

Help

toolbeltexpert

Here are some pictures of my dw handiwork. she crochets, carpenter, artist, jeweler.  to name a few. She has a wood lathe, band saw,chop saw, half of my garage is hers. half of the 2nd floor of the house is her craft room. she painted my garage with all the Nascar stuff, the little lighthouse was something she made for a VBS, I picked a few of the afghans on our furniture. She made baby afghans for all our nieces and nephews, and all the families. the list is too long , she loved to make stuff and give them.I wish i knew how to make the pictures so that they would be in the post itself.

loveskitties

TBE, your wife has been a very talented crafter.  Her work is wonderful.

Perhaps we need to start a crafting thread...caregivers and LO's handy work...it would be a pleasant change from all the issues and heartaches.

Pat6177

Sorrickba,

First, you need to post this as a separate thread so that people will see it and respond to you. To do that, go back to the level where it says at the top “Discussion Board>Spouse or Partner Caregiver Forum. You will see a green box that says “Add Topic”. Tap on that and create your own thread. 

Second, read M1’s thread that (I think) is titled “What happened here today”. That thread is about the threat her partner made and how M1 responded to the situation. 

Third, determine what room is your safe room. You should be able to lock yourself in there. Make sure your phone is on your person at all times. Keep a phone charger in your safe room. Keep your purse handy, maybe in your safe room. One woman keeps her purse in her car. Think about a Plan B like where you could go or who you can call for help.

If he threatens you again, call 911. There are medications that can help with the aggressiveness and violence.

First thing Monday morning, call your doctor, tell them your DH has become aggressive, you are afraid and he needs to be seen.

And NO, do NOT let him hit you. 

Please, post your thread right away so others will respond. I have not been in your situation but many others have and they will give you lots of suggestions and support.

toolbeltexpert

loveskitties wrote:

TBE, your wife has been a very talented crafter.  Her work is wonderful.

Perhaps we need to start a crafting thread...caregivers and LO's handy work...it would be a pleasant change from all the issues and heartaches.

I would think others would have lots to contribute and I would love to see others. I found it a positive to celebrate what my dw did and sometimes still does. I still would like to know how to put the pic in the post! I liked the post that had lo pictures.

   

 

Ed1937

It looks like your wife really enjoyed crafting. No wonder Hobby Lobby is a favorite for her. Nice stuff!

Joydean

I can certainly see you are very proud of you dw, and you have ever right to be. She is a very talented lady.  I tried to crochet one time, I was told it was a relaxing hobby. It nearly drove me nuts! Lol  . I do admire those that can do.

Scooterr

toolbeltexpert I can see why your so proud of your DW,  the scrabble game she made is amazing, making those small pieces are so meticulous. She must have patience of a saint.

toolbeltexpert

Scooterr wrote:

toolbeltexpert I can see why your so proud of your DW,  the scrabble game she made is amazing, making those small pieces are so meticulous. She must have patience of a saint

Scooter  hate to say it but I buy the scrabble pieces off Amazon. 5 sets for 15$ she sits and works out names. She did our families names out to nieces and nephews. That is NOT easy to do. I have 5 sisters and two brothers.I cut out boards to the size of a real scrabble  board. She does the rest. She did have great patience.  Though lately she has less patience. She couldn't  do a scrabble board now.

Fairyland

I want to add one observation about my mom, she never liked any kind of puzzle or game.  When I suggested it, even during the long very cold Christmas period when I decided to isolate as she also has a lung condition as well as a recent stroke, so even with Christmas cancelled, the answer to trying anything new to pass the time, was always no.

However she had numerous speech therapy visits at home to help recover from the stroke and they also worked on her memory- I didn’t expect much but she was told to do this, that and the other, and I stuck the printed lists that handed her up at eye level.

The best of a “bad bunch” of things she was told to do was jigsaw puzzles so I bought several secondhand with increasing numbers of pieces, and lo and behold “Doctor’s orders! Puzzle time” got her to try and she even started doing some without me. We proudly displayed them. Then granddaughter sent her a Lego animal to make and she did that, with some help.

Point is, nothing *I* say hits home, but official advice might be taken differently, or a friend asking to join in, or a gift from someone who can be called and told or shown the progress.

And guess what, her memory was BETTER after the stroke and the extra therapy! I never would have believed it.

Stuck in the middle

My wife had a lot of frustration when she could no longer do needlepoint and embroidery, and she had no desire to do easier projects because she was still with it enough to know that they were the sort of thing she graduated from when she was about eight years old.  There was a period when I was asked to help her with her needlework, which would be pretty funny to anyone who knows me and my ham-handed ways.  I think it is passing and she is resigning herself to the new reality.  She was interested that Hobby Lobby has opened a new larger store in the old K-mart building, but we drove past there yesterday, and she didn't ask to stop.

Donr

After my wife gave up needle point, I bought her a hook rug. She is able to do the hook rug but the placement may not be perfect.

harshedbuzz

TBE-

My aunt was quite crafty. She dabbled in all manner of things- rug hooking, counted cross-stitch, crewel, knitting (the woman could make argyle socks!), toile painting and even making ceramic tiles in an Arts & Crafts style to decorate her cottage. 

As her dementia progressed, challenging projects went unfinished over time and she gravitated towards simpler kits which didn't always make it to completion. She seemed to stop purchasing around the time her husband died; I suspect he knew of her cognitive shift and was encouraging activities as a "best practices" kind of thing. Left to her own devices she seemed to have drifted away. 

When she went into MC, she enjoyed the various craft activities there. She did ceramics, paintings, holiday decorations and whatever else was on offer. The first couple years in MC, they turfed her to AL's crafts at times because she had lovely manners and a lot of skills as part of her muscle memory. I used to send her Dover adult coloring books which she enjoyed well into stage 6ish. I selected themes around fashion, birds, historical house styles, seashells, First Families, British Royals, etc which appealed to her.

Adult Coloring | Creative Haven | Coloring Books for Adults (doverpublications.com)

It sounds like part of your concern is her amassing vast quantities of supplies because anosognosia leaves her believing she's still capable and producing these towels and her memory of her stash at home is gone. That's hard. 

It might be best to avoid Hobby Lobby as a trigger for her- if you need to drive by to get to the doctor or grocery store, take a different route or shop a different market. When a friend's mom wanted more crochet supplies, she set up a room in the house with craft supplies to shop and let her mom shop/rummage through that.

HB

toolbeltexpert

HB your right about the trigger unfortunately it is Walmart. I just did the grocery pickup. I try not to go in and my fiblet is the pandemic. We have boxes of colored pencils we bout when they were on sale. She is a hoarder and  I am no help. she gets mad if we go in and don't stop by the towel section, we could be there 3 times and when we walk out she says I wish we had stopped to look at the towels, so I usually get 1 to help.

harshedbuzz

TBE-

Are you burning them?

Stuck in the middle

I would probably take a handful of towels to the car, wrap them in a Wal-Mart bag, and present them to her as if they were new.  How's that for a fiblet?

toolbeltexpert

Stuck in the middle wrote:

I would probably take a handful of towels to 

Stuck I have thought about that, to be honest I am struggling that I am deceiving my dw. I am telling her I did this or that to keep her from doing it multiple times. She doesn't  have 10 seconds of  working memory. The pandemic thing is a go to for a lot things. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right.  When it doesn't matter I just use the ohh, yeah. She asks about people who have passed, I just say I don't know. I have tried telling her at times, not family members but people she knew,that's not good idea, I get. HOW COME NOBODY EVER TELLS ME. I might still do the Walmart bag though, it would work, it just doesn't get me out of the store with something. Thanks for being here. 

Memphisdee

Oh no, you need to post this as an actual post of your own.  People who can help you will see it. My thoughts and prayers are with you!