Giving comfort while in SNF

ninalu

Hi All, 
My mom is either in or moving into late stage Alz. She is often very fatigued and sleepy, full assist (no walking or ambulating), and still using language but it's often hard to understand and/or spoken very very quietly. Today she seemed unable to sit upright in her wheelchair - she tipped to the right and front. With Hospice help, we ordered a Broda chair for her. 

She is asking for physical reassurance and comfort. I see this in multiple ways - her reaching for my hand, her leaning into me, wanting touch, wanting to be wrapped in warm blankets, softness. 

Do you have any suggestions for how I can bring her comfort from home? I have purchased some soft, cotton clothing with non-binding seams. I'd like to bring soft blankets from home in colors that she likes (she was an artist and still sensitive to color.) The incontinence and need for frequent washing makes it hard to know how else to help. Also, much of what I bring from home is lost, even though labeled. How does one provide material comfort at this stage, keeping loved one warm, cozy, and wrapped?

Thank you in advance for any ideas!

May flowers

Some things my FIL is enjoying (at home/hospice), a Sherpa blanket - very plush, squeeze balls for his hands, a stuffed animal, and a dementia fidget blanket/pillow. He is constantly wadding up things with his hands and this keeps his hands busy and seem to comfort him.

MN Chickadee

I would assume anything you bring may disappear and be pleasantly surprised if it is returned to you. It's not a given it will be lost but certainly there is risk with busy staff and wandering neighbors with dementia so only bring items you can part with. I just bought nice things and figured if they disappear oh well, someone will use them. My mother's second facility was pretty good about this and we didn't really lose anything. At the first place she was at almost everything walked off.
My mother liked tactile things towards the end. Fleece blankets, a fidget lap mat I bought on Etsy, and stuffed animals. Just putting you arms around her and sitting quietly will bring comfort. I brought a CD player and big stack of CDs so staff could easily put on soothing music when I wasn't there. I'm glad you have hospice on board. The name of their game is comfort and they will help you with this journey.

Jo C.

You are doing everything perfectly.

My mother liked those soft chenille bed socks, warm cozy coverings; soft knit fabric clothing easy on and easy off - comfort only clothes - what your mother seems to want is physical contact and perhaps not being alone.  Just holding her hand, a hand on her arm, a soft hug,  and simply sitting next to her; connecting and talking softly . . . I would softly tell my mother my remembrances of special times with her: Christmas, Easter, family meals, things she did and what a good Mom and all she did with and for us; I could re-tell the stories over and over each time I was with her as she did not remember.  She seemed to be comforted by the stories and the soft voice telling them.  Even though she did not know  I was her daughter, she knew me as a caring person and that was enough.  Sometimes just quietly sitting next to her was what was right - she would fall asleep knowing she was not alone. 

Be cautious of music, sometimes really appreciated, but other times it can annoy the patient, so evaluate that carefully for burnout as well as loudness so that staff does not overwhelm her senses.  For some, a little goes a long way.

You are a very loving, kind and compassionate daughter; your mother is blessed to have you by her side.

I send best and warmest of thoughts your way from one daughter to another,

J.

May flowers

Here is something that my FIL has really enjoyed - from the middle stages when he could work it himself and now when we turn it on for him. It’s a MP3 player and holds thousands of songs. I took all of his CDs (almost all of them are CDs he made himself, including collections of love songs he made for my MIL, hymns, popular songs from his era, etc) and put it on there. Sadly, I don’t know that they ever turned it on for him at the MC, but for a long time he could turn it on. https://www.alzstore.com/Seniors-Simple-Music-Player-MP3-Music-Box-p/2127.htm

It’s not cheap and we wrote his name in sharpie and told the staff to make sure it didn’t disappear, lol. We tied the cord to the table leg. It came back with him, thankfully.

Edited to add: you can put books on tape on it as well - I didn’t realize that before.

ninalu

Thank you so much. It means a lot to have your reassurance and helpful suggestions.