Epiphany

John1965

 There’s nothing I can do to make DW happy. 

No special song

No long-loved movie

No gourmet meal

No hug

No sitting down to look at family photos

The best I can do it try to enjoy those things myself. She is usually content, but often miserable. It takes real effort to keep her bouts of misery from destroying my well-being. 

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Joydean

John, no one can make another person happy. Sorry, all you can do is keep her safe and hopefully content. With this disease she can’t even make herself happy. Just keep loving her and let her know that. Best of luck to you. 

Paris20

John, I think many spouses feel responsible for their LO’s moods. We ask ourselves why he/she is so sullen and dissatisfied with anything we offer. Explanations are useless. When a brain is broken, nothing stays in. That means there isn’t anything you can say or do that will change the outward manifestations of this disease.

When our partner is diagnosed with this awful disease, just about everything changes over time. Caregivers need to take over the responsibilities that their spouse handled. Keeping him/her safe and healthy becomes our M.O. John, it’s not your fault that your wife can no longer derive joy from certain movies, music, or meals. It’s this rotten dementia that is responsible.

Marie58

John, I can tell you're a good man and that you love your DW so much. How do I know? Because you remind me of my DH. He was also a 'fixer' whenever I had a problem. For example, it took him years to learn that sometimes when I was rambling about some problem in my life, I just wanted to get it out, I just wanted him to listen. But he wanted to fix it for me. Not to generalize too much, but I believe most women need to vent and most men need to fix whatever it is. If the tables were turned and I had Alz rather than my DH, he would be devastated every day that he couldn't fix it. Trust me, just be there for DW and keep letting her know you love her. Blessings to you both.

PS, sometimes contentment is the best we can ask for.

Jeff86

Well said, Marie58.   I am that cliche come true.  Part of the challenge for me on my DW’s AD journey has been my complete inability to alter the course of this terrible disease.  My MO when I encounter a problem or a challenge is to figure out how to fix or address it.  That, of course, is impossible with AD.  Part of the acceptance process, and the need to find a new MO.