Angry wife

????

My wife was dianosed  last fall with Alzheimer's.  In 1993 she was in a bad horse wreck and had a bad brain injury.  So we have been dealing with the effects of the head injury, and now Alzheimer's on top of that.  Her father had Alzheimer's so we both have some idea of the progression of what we are going through.  What is hard for me now is that she gets angry with me over little things, when I try to remind her of things she needs to do, etc.  It is getting pretty hard to deal with this, I worry that it will get worse as time goes on.  By the way, she is only 64 years old.

Fairyland

I’m so sorry, what a shame!

One thing I would say, is don’t assume she will do the same things and progress in the same way or pace as another PWD, even a relative. It may get worse, or may get different, or maybe even stay the same or rarely might improve a bit, especially if you can up your own game-it’s a steep learning curve for sure.

You can’t change her reaction to what you say, but you can change what YOU do. Say it differently, or even don’t say it if at all possible.

What sort of things that you remind her to do, set her off?

The spouse forum here is good and may be better for you than the carer forum.

toolbeltexpert

???? Wrote  when I try to remind her of things she needs to do, etc.  It is getting pretty hard to deal with this, I worry that it will get worse as time goes on.  By the way, she is only 64 years old.

 

 

???? Your right it is hard and it's gonna get worse. Sorry to sound so pessimistic, I know my dw gets mad big time, I am learning to be careful what I say and even better at not saying anything and reminders are  not good either. I am doing more and more, more house cleaning more dishes, shopping. My dw is 67 and is moving along this trip backwards towards her childhood.  It's really not pretty, look for the things she can still do, she is doing the best she can.  I am not sure how involved you were with her father's care. There is so much to learn. Search this site for information. Go to YouTube search for Teepa Snow and maybe add your problem with that. "Teepa snow reminders" Most of all keep posting and asking there are no dumb questions, we all learn from each other and there are lots of folks who are much father down the bumpy dementia road. We are here for ya.

jfkoc

In The Graduate the word was plastic. With Alzheimer's the word  is approach.

loveskitties

How you approach reminders may make a difference in how she responds.

If she should brush her hair...maybe say would you let me brush your hair...it feels so silky when I do.

If she should brush her teeth...maybe say...how about we both go brush our teeth after eating.

Making it a joint activity where possible may make it more to her liking rather than reminding her of what she needs to do.

There will also be times when something comes up that you think she needs reminding of that just doesn't matter in the big picture as long as it is not a safety or health issue.  Something like her wearing slippers rather than shoes when she dresses...or what she puts on.  If it will not cause her harm...you just may need to let it go.

Wishing you the best

Paris20

One thing I’ve learned from caregiving for my DH since 2015 is that there comes a time when reminding him to do something is a completely useless endeavor. He will not remember it, even if I told him something a minute ago. Five years ago that forgetfulness happened after about 3-5 minutes. If I make reference to something I said minutes ago, he has no recollection yet blames me for not giving him that information. If I say I did, he explodes. It took me awhile to conclude that I’d better keep my mouth shut and just repeat….and repeat….and repeat.

Scooterr

    ???? we know your pain. When your LO gets angry at you  especially when you are trying to help it can be very, very frustrating. Like Fairyland had mentioned try a different approach if that doesn't work try another approach. I've learned the hard way to pick and choose my battles, some I win, but I think I lose more than I win. I've learned that's part of being a Care Giver we keep going in HOPE THAT TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER.  Also toolbeltexpert had mention educate yourself, how true, learn as much as you can. YouTube, books, and this social media page. I've learned so much from these Care Givers they helped me so  much with their ideals. You just have to pick and choose what will work for you and incorporate it into your situation.

    My DW would never get angry or mad  about anything or anybody, but now as she progresses it's absolutely horrible. There's time where I don't know what to do, or how to deal with it, and I have to say there's time's I'm so distraught I'm on my knees, but I stand right back up and keep going. Stay Strong.