Yelling and screaming

Cherjer

I can deal with DH missing the toilet, going in different areas of the bathroom to urinate, but what I can' t deal with is his yelling. If he doesn't like something he raises his voice: sitting down on the toilet, shouted at a caregiver trying to give him a shower (didn't work out), putting on socks and bumped his toe and he screams, etc., etc. It has gotten to me so much that I feel like putting on noise cancelling headphones! The slightest touch sets him off. He is on risperidone(at night only) and does take .5mg ativan when needed. That helps somewhat. This is not happening all the time but when something does not go his way, the shouting begins. When he was his "normal" self he would raise his voice but not like now. Anyone have this issue?

Ed1937

I don't really have an answer for you, but what is his demeanor through most of the day? If it is negative, it might be worth talking to his doctor about it. If it is something that came on rather suddenly, it could be a UTI causing it. Just a thought.

LauraPaul

Yes the yelling and screaming are something awful for sure.  I try not to get angry and understand it is the disease but it still hurts me. I am just trying to help.  I don't think my LO understands this; although sometimes he does because he will come back later and say I am sorry for the way I acted.  So sad for me and for him.  Hate this for both of us.  

Paris20

What bothers me most about my husband’s yelling and screaming over the slightest provocation  is that if he’s in another room, the outrageous noise sometimes makes me fear he hurt himself. It’s just a split second of panic but annoying to say the least. When his aide first arrived, she heard that scream for the first time and feared the worst. She went running toward the noise only to see that nothing happened, other than my husband’s inability to open a jar.

Paris20

What bothers me most about my husband’s yelling and screaming over the slightest provocation  is that if he’s in another room, the outrageous noise sometimes makes me fear he hurt himself. It’s just a split second of panic but annoying to say the least. When his aide first arrived, she heard that scream for the first time and feared the worst. She went running toward the noise only to see that nothing happened, other than my husband’s inability to open a jar.

CStrope

I tell my friends and family that I have become the perfect Stepford Wife, and it's exhausting.  My DH will FLIP OUT if everything doesn't go just smooth and perfect.  The least little change or question can send him into a fit of yelling at me and causing quite the scene.

Yesterday I decided to take all of my CDs and put them into zippered cases that I purchased to store them in.  They don't get played much any more, and they were just taking up room in a drawer.  The cases I ordered to store them in were very nice, but came in a set of 4. (I only needed 1).  DH has a lot of CDs on a shelf and shoved numerous other places.  I showed him how I had moved mine to one of these nice cases and how much neater things looked and told him if he wanted to he could put some of his in the extra cases.  Immediately the anger started...why was I trying to steal his stuff, why am I always trying to control him, and several other not so nice names were thrown at me.  I continued to tell him I was not trying to take anything of his, they could all just stay where they are, but the damage had been done and he continued to yell.  I completely understand he was just confused, but my point is that never in my wildest dreams did I think that offering him a case to store CDs would create this situation.  I have to carefully think about everything I say and do in order to avoid situations like this.  A constant smile and "yes Honey", or "I'll take care of it dear" can be extremely emotionally draining.  And there's always the chance I'll slip up and say the wrong thing.

Cherjer

Thank you for your replies and it is draining to have to deal with so many things in the progression of AD without having to have someone we constantly care for raise their voices and say unkind things to us. Sigh!

ButterflyWings

This would make me crazy(ier). Dementia caregiving is hard enough; oh I feel for you. If in this position, I’d follow Bull Dog’s lead and get noise-cancelling headphones immediately. 

This can’t be good for your nervous system, blood pressure, and spirit overall — since it’s not just occasional it seems like that could be really harmful to the caregiver’s health over time. Good luck getting a solution in place!

LilySue

I saw your post that said you live in HB. We live in West Torrance . . . our street ends at the Redondo Pier. You can private message me on this site (I think!).

Buggsroo

I find my IPhone with all my music is the best antidote to circular conversations of Kafka like proportions, asking continuously for food, calling me names because I won’t make his dinner right after just having served him lunch. So yes, by all means get noise cancelling headphones, your sanity is worth it.

BScherzer

My father is a caretaker for his DW. Prior to being diagnosed with dementia, my mother was somewhat abrupt and opinionated in her communication. Now though post-diagnosis, she yells and holds a grudge for hours. She was mad at me (daughter) a few days ago, and she stewed for about two hours. I just ignored her. She gets fixated on something and then that something becomes the focal point for hours. And if dad does not do something, she starts to yell at him, using foul language, etc. He needs some help in how to handle her when she gets like this. He has tried distraction, changing the topic of conversation, humor, and ignoring her. Any suggestions for dad? He is getting frustrated and I know this bothers him.