DH blaming me for his meds

sunshine5

DH diagnosis of mild dementia is on lot of meds. After I realized he was confused, i took over ordering his meds, putting in 2 weeks pillboxes and dispensing them morning and evening, i do not interfere with his Diabetis sugar checks or supplies. Today, he blamed me for taking over meds and said he had only 2 strips left. I spend lot of time in taking care of his meds except his Diabetis testing. I really can’t tolerate being blamed for this!

He says he can take care of his meds, he really can’t. What’s the course of action? Told him I would have to hire a nurse if he blamed me again! 

Eventually, I found his supplies which he didn’t remember where he had kept!

Anyone else going thru this?

Driving me crazy!

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Pat6177

Hi sunshine5,

Yes, I deal with these kinds of things. When I can just accept the blame, we are able to move forward. If I try to argue about the blame, it spirals down. But I can’t always erase my reaction to defend myself. But as the disease progresses, DH blames me a bit more. He just can’t accept the reality that he is failing. I estimate that he is starting on stage 5.

I also try to poke thru his stuff to see what he has, does he have backup eye drops or whatever. 

The tricky part is adjusting to DH’s capability on any given day. DH is adamant that he wants to continue to do things for himself. He says if I continue to do things for him, he will lose skills. So I try to support him to do things for himself that he really can’t do. We fill his pill organizers together. I hand him a medicine bottle and tell him to add it to the morning pill organizer and then do the same for the evening one. He thinks he’s in charge but he’s not. I sit with him when he pays bills. There’s always something that baffles him but he can still write out a check. And he always has me check it before sealing the envelope. Our house is small and I pay attention to where he is and if he goes in the office, I go in to see what he’s doing. I know there’s a risk that he still has access to his credit cards and checks but I hover. I’m very fortunate that he is still mild mannered and leans on me for help.

Gig Harbor

You could consider freezing your credit with the three major agencies so that he can’t open any more credit cards and if he shares info with someone they will not be able to do it either.

Pat6177

Thanks Gig Harbor. I froze his and my credit when we got the diagnosis. And fortunately, he won’t answer the phone, never has! And doesn’t check his email anymore. I recently added 2 factor authentication to his investment acct which at a minimum, really slows him down tho generally stops him till he can get my help. There are always risks but am hoping I have reduced them to a reasonable level.

sunshine5

Thanks Pat.

He has too many meds, sit with him and do together is a good idea. It will take me many hours and frustration! He can still write checks, i do the mailing! 

If I think too far ahead, it scares me!

I try to take one day at a time and hope for a miracle to happen! Some days he does seem better!

The worse part is he thinks he can still do things, I know he is not able anymore!

Next step skilled home care, if meds dispensing becomes too much for me!

Ed1937

Sometimes it's really hard to take over things. That's especially true when we have someone on the other side fighting us all the way. But we have to err on the side of safety when it comes to winning or losing the battle. For times like that, it might be wise to look for professional videos like Teepa Snow or Doctor Natalie on youtube.

toolbeltexpert

Sunshine it's tough taking the blame for stuff you had nothing to do with. It becomes a case of just accepting it and moving on as quickly as possible. His attention span is gonna shrink so he will lose what ever just happened quickly, as caregivers we have to learn to do that as well. I would agree with what the others, said your gonna have to help him with lots of the daily living stuff.. Sorry for you having to go thru this.

toolbeltexpert

Pat6177 wrote:

He says if I continue to do things for him, he will lose skills. So I try to support him to do things for himself that he really can’t do. 

Boy those are almost word for word what dw says. And you are much braver than me with the bank stuff. It's so scary what can happen in the blink of an eye. 

Iris L.

sunshine5 wrote:

The worse part is he thinks he can still do things, I know he is not able anymore!

This is anosognosia.  You know he has it.  Try not to trigger him by confronting him.

Iris

Marta

Sunshine:  the moment you dial back your expectations of what your husband can do, and simply do what needs to be done, without discussion, you will feel so much more peaceful.

Speaking from experience…