18 days in memory care

JoseyWales

Thought I'd update about our journey.

DH is adjusting remarkably well to his new home. I'm so glad I got his meds figured out before he went in, because they've kept him calmish and staff really hasn't had many problems. When I go he's clean and content. I think he's recognized me about 1/2 the time, but he's always happy to see me. 

I'm sleeping better and beginning to adjust. I made it through the first week by keeping busy. I was surprised to find that the second week was the hardest. I broke down into tears when I was visiting DH. Just because I feel cheated to be at this point in my life when we're not even close to retirement age. 

I still haven't moved anything of his in the house, except to put my bed back up on its frame and a few other odds and ends. I don't know what to do with all this stuff of his. 

This morning my neighbor passed away. She had been in the hospital for the past week. She was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years ago, but had been doing well until she took a sudden turn for the worse. I just came home from visiting with her husband. He's expressing the same emotions that I had when I came home after leaving DH in memory care that first day. The same things I'm still feeling.

I live in a bermuda triangle of bad luck. The wife across the street passed away suddenly about a year ago. I live rurally, and all of us around here live on double digit acre lots with huge farm fields in between, so not a lot of neighbors. For the 3 of us to all now be living alone in such a short time is rather concerning.

Quilting brings calm

Josey… that is rough for you and your neighbors.  At least you can all sympathize with each other, although you’d all prefer that life wasn’t like it is. I’m glad your spouse is adjusting,  you will too.  Don’t worry about the stuff in the house - unless you need to move soon.  Otherwise just do 15-30 minutes a day on it,  clean out a drawer, a shelf, a bag of stuff..:.  

Piles - 

Throw away

stuff for son 

Memory care center - spouse

Memory care center - other 

Give away other then to son( family, friends)

Donate to somewhere ( senior center, day cares, good will, etc)

Keep 

Sell ( if your son knows eBay or Facebook marketplace, this could help a little financially) . 

JoseyWales

Thanks Quilting - good advice.

I'm not moving. I live less than a mile from my parents, and I love my property. My house isn't magazine worthy, but it's comfortable and solid. 

DS is moving home in about 6 weeks. He's not planning to go back to school next fall, so the move home is probably for an extended time. I hadn't thought about having him sell some of the stuff, but that's a good idea. 

You'll be happy to know that I've brought out some fabrics for me to play with. I don't quite know what to make with the fabrics (my mom gave them to me), but I plan to figure it out and start a quilt when I'm on spring break in a week. I haven't quilted in almost 2 years. I can't wait to get started.

Quilting brings calm

I am happy to hear about the fabric and the plan for spring break.  I think that will help the ache in your heart and soul! It keeps your brain busy and gives you a sense of accomplishment.  I’ve got two quilt retreats scheduled soon. Can’t wait after spending the winter in those back braces, not being able to sew.

Joydean

Josey and QBC, you ladies some like you have some exciting plans! Making quilts. May I ask, do you do it by hand or by machine? I tried doing that many years ago, didn’t have a sewing machine so tried doing it all by hand. I never finished it! 

Josey, glad your DH is doing so well in MC. Sorry it’s been hard on you. Hope it gets better for you.  

Hope both you ladies have fun with your quilts! 

Quilting brings calm

Joy.  I have done a couple  of quilts all by hand( both the top and the actual quilting).  Normally though I use a sewing machine to do the tops and I pay someone to machine quilt the layers.  Then I do the binding.  

JoseyWales

I'm in awe of anyone who can hand quilt. I don't have the patience for it. I machine piece everything. I once hand quilted a large quilt - It's got large stitches and I hated every minute of it. 

I used to be one of those people that others bring their tops to for quilting. I have a long-arm quilting machine, and used to make a little money from quilting. I think I finished somewhere around 500 quilts for others, and probably another 100 start to finish for family and friends and on commission. My dog and cat even had quilts at one point.  I quit quilting and went back to teaching when it became obvious to me that DH had a serious problem and wasn't going to be able to work much longer.  I taught for 1 1/2 years before DH was diagnosed and he had to quit work.  

My big machine is down in my shed, waiting for me. I have several pieced tops ready to be quilted, and all that fabric ready to be made into another top. I haven't turned my machine on in about 2 years. I'm sure it's going to need a little TLC after sitting all that time. 

Buggsroo

Josey,

I am glad you are starting to recover. Baby steps. I believe the grief stems from the time you couldn’t express it because you were so busy taking care of DH and working on top of that. I am glad your son will be coming home, great company. 

I realize that I have to start going through everything myself, there are so many things that my husband will never use and neither will I. I wish you much needed rest and peace in your life.

Mint

(((Josey))),  

I made a few quilts totally by hand when I was younger.  It was relaxing to me.  Glad your husband is doing ok at his new place.

ButterflyWings

Dear Josey, Quilting and Sayra, 

Fabric, sewing and quilting have been nudging me lately- but I haven’t figured how to pick my favorite pastime up again just yet, from here in 6d. However hearing about what you’ve made and plans to resume brought some vicarious joy to my day already! You are speaking my language, and such talk warms my heart.

I am sure I will be making something soon. I have a feeling it may be a mini-quilt for now. The way our days are going, it might be a set of coasters lol (or just one!) Will be so nice to play with fabrics again. Good for you, JoseyWales, longarm quilter, loving educator and spouse-plus-caregiver extraordinare. Despite the sad part of our situations, I’m so happy that you can finally create some you-time again now. 

Sharing my mini-quilt goals for self-care, which I will embark on, “soon”. Excited! https://www.google.com/search?q=pinterest+mini+quilts&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

Mint

I use potholders.  Guess a lot of people don’t. Find them less cumbersome than using a towel etc.  Like to set hot things on them too.  Only like small projects now.  Have been thinking about looking up quilt block patterns and making them into potholders.  We will see if I can get around to that sometime.  Do you think that would work?

Joe C.

Josey, I am glad to hear your husband is adjusting well and I am sorry to hear of the loss of your neighbor. As for the “stuff” there is plenty of time to make changes there. It has been four months since I placed DW and I’m still picking away at her things. I have donated & given away a good amount of stuff but there is still a lot to do. My problem is I’m sentimental and I have a hard time letting go of some of her things.

Ed1937

Josey, focus on the good things. DH is doing well, and you have people here to talk about quilting. That should prove to be good therapy. I hope your days get easier.

JoseyWales

Sayra - pot holders seem like a fantastic idea! I've made placemats in the past. 

Thanks everyone else for the support. I have a small pile of clothes to give away, but even that seems hard. There's nothing wrong with that pile sitting there until I'm ready.

Quilting brings calm

Well now that we’ve throughly hijacked  your post ….

Potholders-   8 1/2 block, Insul- Brite, also a layer of 100 % cotton batting on both sides of that. Then your backing.  Washable afterwards, but not microwaveable.  Can add a loop for hanging if desired 

FYI- my hand sewing/quilting was done on two Grandma’s Flower Garden hexagon quilts 8 years apart.  The first one ( my first quilt ever) fell apart causing me to do the second one.   I will not do another one. 

Any chance you can make table runners, or wall hangings out of your spouse’s  old clothing?  I don’t know how to make a t-shirt quilt, but you could do that and label it with his name. 

Hopefully the fog  of grief and depression will lift as time goes on and you get rested.  18 days is probably not rested enough yet. 

     

Lynne D

Dear Josie,

I am so glad to hear your loved one’s transition went well for him. 

It sounds like you are inching towards reclaiming yourself. Sleep! Congratulations. I hope your son’s presence is helpful. We are all rooting for you in this new phase of your life.

Marie58

Josey, I'm so glad DH is adjusting well. Take your time with all that other stuff. For now just breathe and enjoy some extra sleep.

Beachfan

Josey,

Glad to hear that DH is adjusting as well as can be expected, and that things are falling into place for you slowly but surely.  I am no quilter, but spend much of my new leisure time reading (probably not so much an option for you while still teaching).  Enjoy Spring break- - it’s snowing like crazy here right now- - 70 degrees on Thursday.  Do what you feel you need to do little by little, you’ll catch up, or not.  DH’s clothing and “stuff” are still in closets and a dresser- - I just shut the door.  Our 13 year old grandson “raids” pop’s tee shirt drawer; it makes me smile to see the spring training baseball tees resurrected.  (And Harrison, the grandson, is a big hit among his friends sporting the old school shirts.) Best wishes; try to enjoy this new phase of your life, however melancholy at times.  

French

I Josey, globally good news. He adjusts well, you will also find your way. You just need time. You have dedicated so much time to your husband.