Attention to the little things

Scooterr

    Well Old Scooter done it again. Just when I think I've got this Care Giving down I find something else I have missed. My DW is able to shower herself thank goodness. She has her on body soap and I have mine. Today while I was showering,  I knocked over her body soap and noticed it was empty, lord only knows for how long. I asked her, "baby how long have you been without soap." She was unable to answer. I was like how could I have let this happen? What else have I missed. I always make sure she takes her med's, eats, walks, feed her chickens, all the way down to making sure she has the same matching socks on everyday. 

   What else have I missed? So I started watching her. I would tell her to brush her teeth and I would go on my way. This morning I told her, "It's time to brush your teeth." As I watched her, she got her toothbrush and started brushing, but she didn't put toothpaste on it who knows how long this had been going on (another lesson learned).  Floss she's always carrying around flosser sticks, I find them all over the house it's like an obsession with her, so again I assumed she was flossing her teeth (wrong again Scooter). I asked her, "baby could you please show me how to floss my teeth." She couldn't, my DW was just carrying around floss and had forgotten how to use it. 

   How could I have let these thing go without noticed? So I'm a guessing do you really ever get Care Giving figured out? One thing is for sure now it's about attention to detail for me watch everything even the little things.

    

Quilting brings calm

You are doing the best you can.  We just don’t realize how quickly they decline and when they lose a particular ability or skill.  Especially if we see them daily.  I’d they were able to do something last week, then we think they can this week.  We expect that they can tell us a bottle is empty.   

So now you will be aware to check every container in all the drawers, cabinets, shelves and refrigerator, freezer when you are making out a grocery list.  Since she can no longer tell you when diverging is used up.  Now you know she possibly doesn’t know how to shower with soap, shampoo, or even use toilet paper properly and will check more often to make sure one way or another.  

 stop feeling guilty for something you didn’t know to do,  it’s not helpful and causes you to be depressed. Just make a written note to check these things daily to see she can still do them. 

Gig Harbor

I realized my husband says he brushed his teeth but the toothbrush will still be dry. He also will put the electric brush in his mouth but doesn’t know how to turn it on. Floss is a thing of the past. He will no longer brush his teeth in the morning. I pick my battles and sometimes they don’t get brushed. I think dementia will take him before his teeth give him any problems. It is so strange how they will forget how to do something and you don’t realize it right away.

toolbeltexpert

Scooterr your getting to be the best caregiver your dw will ever know. You picked up on the body soap, great job!  You don't get to be a great caregiver without the firsthand experiences.  You made me think am I missing something?

Lorita

Hi Scooter,

 Don't feel bad - we've all missed things along the road of caregiving.  The important thing is that you realized you've missed something and corrected it.  We do take for granted that they know how to do certain things but as time goes by they lose the ability to do things  or even tell us they can't. 

 Caregiving is very hard, as you know.  We all learn by doing and by reading these posts on the forum.  I would never have made it during my seven years of caregiving if I hadn't found this wonderful place and learned from others that had travelled this road.

 Again, don't feel bad.  It sounds like you're a very attentive, caring caregiver for your wife. She's lucky to have you.

Bob in LW

Scooter, I can relate to your situation because I have the same experience with my SO.  I am often surprised when she can't remember something that she used to.  I have to make sure that she always takes her meds on time because one of them has different dosages on specific days and missing any of them is not good.  I just keep observing what she does and how she does it in order to try to stay ahead of the game.

JDancer

I realized my DH wasn't showering (before I got home from work) because I left the bath mat hanging a special way over the shower and it never moved. Now I lay the tube of toothpaste in a special position so I can tell if he's moved it. Soon, I will have to watch his every move, but these little tricks have helped along the way.

Scooterr

Thank you guys for your words of encouragement and great advice. Lorita your right this is a wonderful place I'm so glad I find you guys. I've learned so much from other care givers here.

storycrafter

This is an eye-opener post for me today. I've never considered the specifics of the process of how we notice/learn when our PWD can no longer do something. It's another aspect upon which one could write a thesis. When I take a minute to think, there are many nuances to it that a person could explore, from subtle fades to in-your-face whallops, and everything in between.

I was talking with a friend today whose husband also has FTD. He is aware of it and in relatively early stages, as is my husband. She had a talk with him in which she asked him to promise to share with her whenever he was worried/ wondering, or anxious about anything that he might be losing the ability to do. He did promise he'd let her know.

Maybe that could help for a while if the LO is aware, doesn't have anosognosia, and has the ability to discern what is happening, and if they remember to tell their spouse/caregiver. It's nice she was able to have such a conversation and he was receptive to it. It's not a guarantee it will happen, but it's a nice thought they could have that communication. It's worth a try. I think I'll broach the topic with my husband and see how he responds.

A couple years ago my LO stopped brushing his teeth at night. by then we slept in separate beds and he wasn't interested in any physical contact. I let the teeth brushing questions go. I'm grateful he does brush them in the morning.

It was humbling when one day I was feeling lazy and depressed and I did not brush my teeth that morning. It was during the shutdown and I wasn't going out anywhere and no one was coming over. My husband pretty much isolates and keeps to himself anyway. The humbling part was realizing that just because my spouse stopped brushing his teeth twice a day, I shouldn't assume it's a sign of dementia. Maybe he's just gotten lazy like I did that one day. So far he doesn't seem to have any dental problems.

Thank you for the heads up, Scooter. I'm going to try to be more vigilant. ~Helen

Jeff86

Scooter, no need to be so hard on yourself.  The unlearning that happens with AD practically takes my breath away, and there’s only so much close observation we caregivers can do.

I’m pretty sure my DW is more ‘progressed’ than your DW.  Among the things she can no longer do on her own is wash her hands after using the bathroom.  As I assist her, I have learned just how many steps there are to washing one’s hands.  There’s turning on the water and adjusting the temperature.  DW cannot do that.  There’s getting your hands wet.   There’s picking up the soap…rubbing your hands together over the soap…setting the soap back in the soap dish…actually washing your hands….rinsing the soap off….turning off the water…drying your hands on a towel….I have to walk DW through each of these steps of a multiple-times-a-day activity most of us do unthinkingly…

You are doing a great job helping your DW.  We all feel inadequate to this monumental caregiving challenge .  It’s AD and its unpredictability that’s the culprit—not you!

NylaBlue

I had a similar epiphany last year. I treasured having those few minutes to myself while my husband was in the bathroom until I realized a number of things were not being done well, or at all. So much for “me time” but that’s how it goes with this disease. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You noticed, that’s the important thing.

Davegrant

I had a similar situation with my DW. She has done the laundry all her life for six children and taught me how to use the washing machine six years ago when I took over the household duties. She occasionally will do a load in the washing machine and my granddaughter told me yesterday that Grandma needs help as she was putting the water softener where the laundry soap should go and sprays the stain remover in where you put the detergent. 

I am aware that she has anosognosia and she is not aware of any problems. I am usually correcting mistakes but never thought about this area. She goes about her day by moving things to new places and when I prepare the meal I spend half the time looking for the tools. She cleans the dishes and I usually have to redo some of them because they are not clean. 

DW also resists taking a shower and I have noticed that she says she took one but that may not mean that she used soap. I asked her yesterday if she used shampoo as we are going for a haircut today and she said, "Oh no, I just rinsed it."

She is very reluctant to do anything my way so change seldom happens.