My take on Memory Care

Gig Harbor

I have been touring memory care facilities. I have found a $5000 range in prices for the highest level of care. There is such a wide variety. The one I thought I would like was the cheapest. It was clean and utilitarian but had very few activities. It would be a good choice for someone in the very late stages. The shared rooms could only accommodate twin beds and that would be hard on my husband in his mid stage. An expensive facility had large shared rooms that could hold a double bed and had privacy. The shared room price there matched the private room at the cheaper facility. It had lots of activities and would be a better choice for my husband in mid-stage. However as he progresses it would be expensive and we would be paying for things he would no longer enjoy. I have to assume that he could easily be in a facility for 5 plus years if his mom and sister are any example and he is a lot healthier than they were. I am leaning towards choosing someplace that is large and has lots of activities and maybe moving him later as the years go by. Right now he will stay at home as he is still continent and only confused intermittently. I want to have my choice made so that if something happens to me it will be one less thing for my daughter to have to do.

M1

Gig you are absolutely right do it now. I had no idea our need was going to become so urgent, only two to three weeks after I put her on the waiting list. Things can turn on a dime. I wish you luck.

Ed1937

Gig, it seems that you did a good job comparing facilities. We started looking 2 years ago, but only toured one facility. Then life got in the way, and we didn't visit any others. After reading your post, it looks like I need to get out to see more places now. It wouldn't surprise me if my wife had to be placed sometime this year. Thanks for the thread.

Beachfan

Gig,

I agree with M1; the earlier and more thoroughly you research MCF’s, the better.  When/if “the time comes”, you will feel comfortable and confident with your choice.  Personally, I believe that the longer you can manage DH at home, the easier it will be for both of you when placement occurs, understanding  that not everyone has this luxury, due to extenuating circumstances.    DH has been in MC in PA since November.  His setting is a cottage, with 16 residents total, single rooms with 1/2 bath, small communal dining/kitchen area, two “family” areas and a secure outdoor area.  Everything is arranged in a circular manner so that all residents are within easy eyesight at all times.  The facility serves Alz/dementia patients exclusively, so staff is well trained and every conceivable issue is addressed; the cost is just under 6 K/month, all inclusive and out of pocket (Medicaid is not accepted).  There are scheduled activities, but not all day constant movement and transition.  The atmosphere is calm, quiet, and cozy, much like our home before DH left.  He is 38 miles away, a one hour trip each way; I visit with him once a week for about 2 hours. He doesn’t recognize me, so coming and going are less painful.  

The biggest change has been for me.  I have reclaimed much of my life.  Nothing earth shattering- - a lovely choral concert yesterday afternoon, a 3 granddaughter “sleepover” on Saturday night, from which I’m still recovering, leisurely browsing the library or the mall, just some simple pleasures, denied these past several years.  I am looking forward to sitting by my daughter’s pool or at the beach with nothing more to worry about than which book to read.  It’s a far cry from all the walking on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop that has been my life for some time now- - and DH was easy as Alz. patients go.  

Best of luck with your research and eventual decision.  I wish all of our forum mates could have as positive an outcome as I have had.  I know I’m fortunate and I am thankful as well.  

Joydean

Gig, it does sound like you are doing your homework checking out different locations. I have thought about looking but so far I just can’t seem to make myself do it. He is progressing, but right now he’s not too hard to manage. 

Good luck to you sweet lady. 

Gig Harbor

Hi Beachfan,

I agree that we are lucky to be able to consider placement. The facility your husband is in sounds really nice. Where I live rates start at about $7000 so I will keep him home as long as possible. I fill up his med box each week and I say “I saved $1700 by keeping him home this week.” When that no longer seems like a high price to pay for having my life back I will know it is time. I do look forward to having a life like you have.

Crushed

My costs are $12,000 a month for first class care of a late stage patient in a very high cost area
(homes near the facility are about $900,000)   That includes a private aide for 30 hours a week

DW was a senior Federal physician Her pensions and SS and IRAs can cover the cost. 

I have my own pension and SS so I'm fine I could move and downsize but I have these 5 really cute grandchildren who come over and play in the yard I even have a skeeball machine