Assisted living(4)

Memphisdee

DH In nice assisted living facility. He went to ER as he wasn’t taking his meds for 5 days. He was literally driving me crazy. He takes them now from nurse. He does seem to be improving.  After two weeks of craziness I have my first night at home. It was suggested by nurse at facility (thank you). Been talking to friends and filling out long term care claim forms. 

 I was really done after 5 days of no meds. Now I’m reconsidering bringing him home.   He has fixations and obsessions when he’s home. Stands for hours and frets. I have to hide all important financial stuff and then I’m hunting for it.   It’s all a puzzle, who knows what to do. Probably Alzheimer’s diagnosis and depression. 

Quilting brings calm

MemphisDee- refresh my memory please. You mention that you are rethinking your decision about AL- was your original decision to keep him there or to bring him home?

If you want my opinion( it’s ok if you don’t - LOL), please consider keeping him there if the bed is available to you. He’s there now.  Removing him and then having to bring him back in the future will be stressful.  Availability is often limited and you may not be able to get him back in at a time of your choosing.  He might end up going to a different place then. Which would be even more stressful on him. Stress causes them to decline, even if just temporarily. 

I’ve also noticed  that spouses have a much harder time being caregivers after their spouse has been in respite somewhere.  I think the caregiver gets a chance to breathe and realize just how much physical, emotional and mental stress they have been under and their body and mind just can’t take going back into that - a form of  PTSD, maybe?  The person with dementia also reacts to a trip home  after respite by acting out their own stress, making them more difficult to care for. 

When my parents went into assisted living, I was told it would take 3-6 months for them to totally adjust. Covid restrictions were put  into place 4 months in and lasted for a year.  So they had a harder time with it all during that time.  However, when I had my car accident this winter, they were in that safe space and I was so glad… because I was unable to get over there to visit them for 3 months.   

Marie58

Sorry, I don't know/remember the details of your situation either, but I think you should give him and you a little time for adjustment before you change anything. That's a BIG decision. Let your mind and body rest so you can think clearly. If you bring him home and change your mind later, it may be hard to place him again if a sudden need arises. If you wait a bit and leave him there for now, you can continue to consider a move back home more thoughtfully. Blessings to you both!

Stuck in the middle

If he's doing better and you're doing better, I don't understand why you would think of bringing him to live with you.  I'm not telling you what to do, I just honestly don't get it.

sandwichone123

Change is hard for pwd, so if you bring him home it may be at a lower level of functioning than the one that wasn't working before. I suggest giving it at least five weeks before you think about making another change. If you do decide to bring him home, journaling would be a good practice to start. That way, if you ever find yourself at this crossroads again you will have a clearer picture of what was happening before. Sometimes memory smooths over the rough edges.

Memphisdee

We’ll he seems so much better although yesterday he was a little negative as he thinks this place will make you old fast. He is the youngest and not into chair exercises, ball toss or yoga.  He’s done some other activities tho. Then you talk to your friends who have caregived til the end of their husbands lives.   Although they weren’t Alz and depression.  One of his friends came and visited and said I think he has MCI and depression.  I told him probable Alzheimer’s. Everyone’s gonna have their opinions. 

I was done after his 5 days on no meds. He was fixated and staying up late and standing for hours worried about things. Would only go to bed in his clothes. I moved to another bedroom which he hates to get him to take meds. Didn’t work. 

I’m staying with him every night too so not much of a respite except when I do my yoga and lunch w friends. I had one night at home but I did wash, filled LTC claim and paid bills.