Just lost third parent

Neuchatel

As of yesterday, we have now lost a total of 3 parents to dementia since October 2019. It has been a very long and rough road. My husband and I are exhausted especially since he has been the legal guardian of both of his parents since 2017.

I am no certain anyone outside of our community really understands the toll that this disease takes. My Dad probably had some issues with mental illness for years, but when the dementia took over, he was just a different person. My father-in-law’s dementia developed over about 15 years, and his wife covered up much of what was occurring till we could no longer ignore it. My mother-in-law, who died yesterday, really succumbed about a year ago — she stopped complaining about everything so we knew things had really changed.

My mother, who is 92, is still driving and balancing her checkbook. I can only hope that I take after her.

Between caring for our parents, handling VA claims and issues (my Dad was 100% disabled and father-in-law was 70%), and still working at a job, I am worn out. I had thought I would be able and willing to work far beyond retirement age, but now am questioning all of it. I am ready to do what I want, but must continue to work to provide health insurance for both my husband and I. I feel as if this disease has robbed me of a “good end” with our parents.

Love&Light

Neuchatel, I am really sorry to hear about these losses in your life and can deeply empathize with your feelings of exhaustion. 

I can only offer what I am telling myself: be gentle with yourself, allow time to grieve, be intentional about taking time to recover. Try and make the big decisions later when you're in a better head space.

SusanB-dil

Hi Neuchatel - so sorry for your losses.  

agree - unless someone has lived 'this', they wouldn't understand the toll.

((hugs)) to you and peace.

Neuchatel

Thank you for the kind words. In addition to my mother-in-law dying on March 28, my 101 year old aunt died last week (my mother’s sister), and a family friend (I grew up with their kids and spent hours at their house) died yesterday. I am definitely feeling done in along with some extreme stress at the office due to a construction remodeling project that was not planned properly. Tomorrow I am supposed to attend a Celebration of Life for a friend of me and my husband who died at 64 from a rare brain disease — I do not even know if I can manage that after a week like this!