Stewing and stressing

Isac

My DH was diagnosed with MCI about 5 years ago and it is slowly progressing. We just drove 6 hours to the beach for 10 days to meet our daughter and family. It was up to me to pack everything for the two of us, make arrangements for being gone from the house for 10 days, and including him in the planning as much as he is able. I forgot some beach chairs, some homemade cookies for the grandkids, some refrigerated food, the ice chest and his iPad. These can be replaced, except for the iPad, but I don't always budget for replacing some things. Luckily I remembered critical things like our meds, our clothes, beach toys and towels for everyone (the kids are flying so I didn't want them to be overloaded with suit cases). My problem is that I have been stewing all afternoon about why I forgot. I've gone through a range of emotions. First, I felt resentful and angry of his dementia (and him) because although he traveled for 40 years he now needs help with making sure he is packing according to location, occasion and weather. I've learned to check his luggage after he's done without his knowledge otherwise he gets very angry with my suggestions. My DH is also now very impatient. While I'm trying to get all suitcases and groceries in order to pack the car, he's just throwing everything in. It's a small car, so unfortunately we have to pack methodically. We had plenty of time but he was ready to get on the road. I guess I got rattled and did not make a final check of the things I needed. Plus the car looked so loaded I ignored my tendency to be more organized. I feel sad, angry, resentful, thankful, guilty. I know when we see the kids all this will seem trivial. But at the moment, it is stressful.

Ed1937

Isac, welcome to the forum that nobody wants to need. We have a good bunch of people here, willing to help.

Number one: Cut yourself a break. You are human, and had a lot going on. Overlooking a few things is not the end of the world. Just take the time you have, and enjoy it with everyone else.

Stuck in the middle

I find it very difficult to plan and organize with the "assistance" of an impatient person.  Sounds like you did great considering the nature of the task.

Have a nice vacation.

Marie58

Lists, lists, lists...

We've travelled a lot and lists are the only way to go. It eases the stress so you don't have to mentally remember everything. Yeas ago, DH made a travel list on our computer, Several days before a trip, we'd print it out and customize it to that particular trip. That would allow us to plan and even do some things ahead of time. Could you pack some things ahead of time, like the towels and toys for example when you have a few spare moments? Maybe even actually put them in the car?

DH is now in MC, but I still use that list for every overnight trip. Blessings to you and your DH and enjoy your vacation.

Memphisdee

Blame it on Caregiver Brain!  We all have it. Especially during stressful times like you went thru packing!

caberr

I can relate!  DH tries to help but I'd rather he not. It is very frustrating.  Have a great vacation and enjoy the family!

Tony484

I too can relate.  Travelwise, you don't know what you have to do "next time" until you go through something like you described, and then the "next time" it changes again, until there are no more next times as travel becomes impossible.  Cherish the remaining trips you are able to take and, as impossible as it may seem, practice learning to laugh at yourself for all the "mistakes" you make, which are all just learning opportunities.  (I'm not saying this is possible, but sure wish I had known enough to try to be a little "lighter" about these kinds of things when we were able to travel.) A huge mistake I made and that I regret was that while we were still able to travel, I focused way too much on all the new frustrations and difficulties of travel without realizing that one day I would give anything to be able to go back to those frustrating and difficult days.

markus8174

You are a brave soul for traveling at all with a PWD. Our last 2 trips were almost disastrous for my DW and me, but now I am so glad we took them. I can take comfort that my DW and I squeezed every possible bit of traveling, a source of great pleasure in our long marriage, before she became unable. Yes, there were glitches along the way, but memories of time with my beloved smiling and happy are so precious to me now. Consider, you got there, and no one got lost on the way. You have an opportunity to make a few more quality memories with your DH and family; that won't be possible eventually. Don't let some minor glitches spoil your enjoyment of the trip. Every quality moment becomes precious as time goes along.

Lynne D

You are thinking (and packing) for two, and under pressure from an impatient person. There is nothing wrong with you. (How lovely that you baked cookies for the grandkids!)

I make lists, and use Alexa. It helps me when something comes to mind and I can just shout it out to her.