The other seniors

Iris L.

Seniors are supposed to retire to encore careers or volunteering or extended travel or just doing lots of activity and fun stuff.  But a good number of seniors have their own health issues or must become caregivers for their family members with health issues.

I am one of the other seniors.  I cannot run around like I used to.  I am not an active senior.  But none of the senior magazine or online articles is about me or my real life.  I never see myself anywhere but here.  I am invisible. 

Iris

June45

Iris, you got that right!

Rick4407

Iris, you are NOT invisible here!   Rick

June45

Rick4407 wrote:

Iris, you are NOT invisible here!   Rick

You are absolutely right!!

jfkoc

Agree....Where is the tour for non-walkers????

Ed1937

None of those articles are about any of us. But Iris, you are not invisible here. This is a place where we are all visible. Is it the same? Not even close. But we are a very small percentage of the public, who happen to not be seen by those who are vacationing and having a ball. I'd like to be like "those" people, but I wouldn't want them to be like us.

Joydean

Iris, you could NEVER be invisible to all the people on this forum ! 

Ed, you are so right. 

abc123

Dear Iris, Sometimes I feel as if I were invisible, like I don't count in the " Real World". I am like a stepping stone who doesn't get stepped on, I get stepped over. That's how I feel but that doesn't make it a fact. 

Iris, you are deeply appreciated and valued here. In fact, I need you now, more than ever. I am having problems and I'm afraid I might have some type of dementia. A lot of my problems could be stress related but not all of them. I am scared. My parents need me right now, my dad may need me long I have a doctors appointment around the 14th of April. I will talk to him about a referral. I am tying to find a certain post that you 

Sincerely,

abc123

Ed1937

OMG abc! I'm so sorry you feel like that. Please remember that there are many conditions that can mimic symptoms of dementia. I hope you can get in soon, and they can relieve your mind in short order. Please keep us updated. I'm sure Iris will post soon.

Ed1937

ttt

Jo C.

Dearest Iris, never, ever are you invisible with us.  I do know what you mean when speaking of this; it is so true. Even the AARP magazine mostly has hale and hearty, fit, good-looking people on their covers as well as on inside pages and a ton of articles for the same - somehow, we must meet such standards?  Not reality for a huge number of the population.  It "sells" their membership for those who do not see and sometimes will never see themselves as "old or aging."   Frankly, we long ago dropped our AARP Memberships, and so have all my friends who have either never bother to join or dropped their Membership.  Interesting.

Even exercise programs on television - where are the ones for people who have limitations and disabilities?  There is one little program that comes and goes, "Fit and Be Fit," a chair exerise program, but it was always shown very, very early in the morning and hard to find.  Haven't seen it for quite awhile.

ALSO:  We are all seeing the programs and mandates being made for drivers to change over to electric cars in the future . . . . BUT . . . . they are tiny cars with small cabs.  SO . . . where does one put a wheelchair and if a person is disabled - how does the front seat cab accommodate a person . . . and if a person is of larger build, heaven help them.  Will need a body sized shoe horn to get in and out of such a car.   Not good, but once again, blinders on the developers and no consideration.

The new cars with increased mandate for 40 or 45 miles to the gallon in the future, (forget which), I'll bet in order to meet compliance that new cars will be designed of much smaller size due to trying to meet the mileage mandate.  Once again; where will be the size to accommodate wheelchairs and walkers and people with limitations?  Probably not even on the table for proposed plans.

Really is a big need and of course, the way to meet the challenges would be for those who are older and for  those who have such needs and their family members to rise up in large numbers and make a lot of noise.  Never have seen that happen.  The "grays" and those with limitations are not a huge focus voting bloc when it comes to elections and sure should be. 

Thank you for bringing this up, Iris.  It is an important dialogue that needs far  more public exposure; especially in the media and the halls of government at both state and federal level.

J.

Paris20

Iris, I see you! You’re not invisible. Until two years ago, I was an active senior, going to the Y for dance classes five days a week. I was in great shape. My husband had been diagnosed with AD but he was well enough to work out on the elliptical machine in the room adjacent to the dance studio. During that last year, everyone at the club knew about DH’s diagnosis and were prepared to come get me if there were any problems. There weren’t any.

Then Covid hit. We were quarantined. My husband’s condition worsened. I got sick caring for him because I stopped caring for myself. I recovered, got help, but my husband shadows me 24/7. He cannot go to the Y anymore. Covid in my college town is still a threat and so I have stayed home. I am hoping that if spring comes to upstate NY, I can go for a walk each day. I don’t feel invisible. I feel exhausted. The emotional toll that this disease takes is incalculable. My fatigue isn’t just physical but DH wants to accompany me everywhere. Yes, I use fiblets but if I tell him no he explodes. One day at a time is trite but true.

Iris L.

Invisibility is a societal problem and a personal problem.  Jo C laid out some examples so I won't go there again.  As for myself, I don't feel invisible on this board!   This is the ONE place where I don't feel invisible, because many of you know what I mean because you experience the same feeling.  I feel invisible because I'm not expressing my truth, as Oprah would say.  I feel like I have to justify my existence with false claims of activity.  It's like conflabulation.  But instead of pulling memories from the past, I confabulate that I have an active senior life.  It sounds better than to say I don't do much, and that some days I do nothing at all.  I know exactly what I'm saying when I say it, it's  not a brain problem, it's a psyche problem. 

I feel like my real life is too boring and uninteresting to talk about to other people. I already know they won't care, as evidenced that I never see seniors with my life in the news, magazines or anywhere, and also as evidenced that people overwhelm me with their own "interesting" lives.  I feel like I have to compete, even if I have to make up stories about activities.  Just yesterday I told someone I wanted to go to Canada to see polar bears!  I have absolutely no interest in seeing polar bears!

I know this is a psychological problem.  I feel like I should have the courage and gumption to talk about my real life but I already know that the few people I remain in contact with would fall away if they knew the truth about my virtually homebound life that is lived a lot on the internet.

I know I have to get a grip on myself.  I can't go on feeling bad about confabulating an interesting life.  I feel like I should make a decision to stop confabulating and express myself openly, but I'm not ready.  I have to think of a plan.

Thank you to everyone who responded.  For those who can relate, you're not alone in this morass.

Abc123, stress does cause memory loss and other problems.  Our emeritus member Alan in Colorado, who was himself a psychologist with dementia, warned us that stress and anxiety would reduce our cognition by half!  That impressed me enough to become diligent in reducing my stress load.

As mentioned, there are many medical causes that need to be investigated.  You will have to push your doctor, because they are reluctant to begin steps and to be thorough.  Alz.org has a good section on diagnosis.  Whatever the results are, we will be here for you!

Iris

Fairyland

I’m not a senior as far as I am concerned, but the last year living with my mom has made me realised how many more stages there are after you are “old”.

Before I got “here”, there was either not THAT old, or retired. 

There are decades that kind of make rough brackets- now 50s, 60, 80s etc all call to mind different appearances and general abilities. You are surprised when any 100 year old can blow out candles on a cake, but not most 60s. At least before the Fire Brigade is called. 

Then there are all the physical problems or aging that so many experience, some are very life changing as we know, but not given the hushed tones of a “life changing injury”. But it’s still an insult! As well as injury of sorts, that you can’t walk, breathe, open a bottle, see, hear, etc etc. These can come in at any stage, and may get better or be treated, or not.

Finally there is the main subject of our little club here. That is the coup de grace, the sword of Damocles that hangs over us and falls where it likes. Worst of all it can fall early which makes me even sadder. And society shrugs, it’s incurable and inevitable, so invisible too. 

We thought the same about cancer, but it’s is somewhat improved over time. 4 of my family including myself are current survivors of that.

Stuck in the middle

We repotted a house plant and swept the garage today, how's that for swinging seniors?

I'm not sure we're "supposed" to be like the youthful folks in the AARP magazine.  The man across the street plays golf and manicures his lawn, and he's ten years younger than I am.  Normal, in other words.

Iris L.

I had some progress!  Today, I told a cousin and a friend that I have an uninteresting life.  What do you know?  They have uninteresting lives, too.  It's a small thing, but I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders.  It's  amazing!

Iris

Stuck in the middle

Just being yourself is very empowering.  No one else can do it better.

Besides, everybody else is taken. 

Jeff86

Good on you, Iris.   Like the song from Dear Evan Hanson, you are not alone!