His friend is dying

Kevcoy

A good friend of my husband and his wife moved to another city about 500 miles away a couple years ago.  As his disease is progressing my DH keeps talking about going to visit them telling me they have invited him which isn't the case.  I found out today his friend is in ICU with a life threatening disease brought on with Covid and isn't expected to survive,  My question is should I say anything to my husband about this or not?  I have a feeling if I say something that will be the only thing on his mind for days or longer.  I know he will say he wants to go see him even though visitors aren't allowed.  Plus I am in my last few weeks being a substitute and don't want to leave my school in a bind.  I'm tempted to just not say anything to him and when the time comes make it seem like it was unexpected.

I hate that just about everyday something that you shouldn't have to think twice about you have to think ten times about.

dayn2nite2

I wouldn’t tell him and I wouldn’t say anything if his friend dies either.

toolbeltexpert

Kevcoy just my opinion. I wouldn't tell him. I hate this as well. Sorry for your friend and his wife.

Paris20

I learned the hard way that it’s not a good idea to tell. I told my husband that our niece died and he was heartbroken. Then he forgot. Then, every time he asked about her, I told him she had died. It was as if he heard it for the first time. He was very upset and yelled at me for not telling him. This went on for over a year. Now I try to change the subject. So, my advice is to say nothing. He’s going to forget anyway and every time he’s reminded, he’ll become upset all over again.

abc123

I would NOT tell him. I see no point in upsetting him. Too much is at risk.

Ed1937

There is no upside to telling him. Your instincts are right.

harshedbuzz

Kevcoy-

How sad. Based on your descriptions of your DH, I wouldn't share the information able his friend's health or the news of his passing should it come to that. It doesn't sound as though he has the cognition to process this news nor the short term memory to recall it. 

HB

JoseyWales

What's the upside to telling him? Even if he knew, he can't talk to him and he can't go visit him. 

I vote for not telling.

 As for telling him when his friend passes, that's really up to how you think your DH will handle it and how far along he is. If a friend of my husband had passed in the first few years after diagnosis, I would have told him. Later on, it would have been a secret. Only you know how your husband would handle it.

Knowing that he hasn't tried to visit in the last couple of years, it seems like you're at the point where keeping all this information a secret is probably your best bet.