Got the call

Neverends

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I posted. Busy filling out paperwork for VA  LTC for my mom. I got the call today, they have a bed for her. Will be taking her early next week. I wish I could have kept her here till she passed but it didn't work out that way. She is almost 88 years old and her physical health has been pretty good but of course her dementia is just awful.  Doesn't know me at all. Needs 24 hour supervision, incontinent, cannot dress herself, sundown's and the list goes on. I have been taking care of her for years, last five in my home. Retired early which was a big mistake.  I just wish I would have had some help from my siblings, kids or friends? Maybe I could have seen this to the end But nobody cared to help or even call. Now I have to  physically drive my mom to the nursing home which is an hour away. This is going to be very hard for me. I am trying to be strong and see this thru but this is just not right. My brother hasn't bothered to call me for months. Seems he's living a life with his family and doesn't have time. Please pray for strength as I see this thru.  

ButterflyWings

(((Neverends))) We are with you all the way. What a blessing you have been to your mom - and as tough as this next step is, what a wise move on your part -- for both of you.

You are accomplishing a safe and positive next move for your DM and we see you! May you have all the positive reinforcement you need and deserve, even though it is not coming from a birth family (join the club!). Your forum family will be sending you good thoughts for strength, peace of mind, healing, and recovery from these intense years in the trenches. Blessings upon blessings to you and your mom. 

Joydean

Neverends, my thoughts and prayers for you and your mom. Praying for strength and courage as you take your mom. She will be safe and well taken care of. You will get to be the daughter again. God bless you and your mom.

Love&Light

Neverends, I'm thinking positively for you and your mom. This will be really hard, but you can do this.

Do whatever you need to get yourself through this. Let us know how you are.

dayn2nite2

This will be the hardest thing you will do in this disease.  It will be harder than when she dies.  Trust me.

BUT - she will be SAFE.  That is priority.  Don't second-guess.  Not only will she be safe, you will survive to continue caring for her and being her advocate.  Nobody can do this alone.

SusanB-dil

Hi Neverends -   ((hugs))

You know you are doing right by her AND yourself!  You go back to being caring loved one to your mom, instead of frustrated caregiver. 

Sorry your family isn't helping.  Have found that is not unusual, and same here... but you know you have done well.

toolbeltexpert

Neverends it it so much harder having gone this far, with out that family support. But you are a wonderful caregiver and you are doing what is best for your mom. Sorry your going alone. I will keep you in my prayers.

Tfreedz

Neverends, you have all of our support and we’ll wishes on your side!!!

Leading up to the move is super stressful and a mind game! You know it’s what is needed but then you second guess yourself. Please try not to do that. I had to write out a list of reasons why I was moving mom and had to look at it over and over again until the move happened. Now, I know she is safe, happy and I am way more relaxed when I go visit. 

Be aware, your home will feel odd and empty after the move. Give yourself time to develop a new routine that doesn’t consist of constant caregiving. It took me at least a week to adjust to having my home back to myself and as good as it was, there was some crying involved. 

I’m so sorry your family hasn’t been there all along the way. We are your virtual family and we are sending good vibes and huge hugs your way, you got this!!!

Faith1520

Neverends, 

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I’m getting ready to fill out admission papers to a VA dementia unit for my husband. He’s not as advanced as your mom, but like you, I thought I could do this but I realize now that I can’t do this any longer without sacrificing my own health. You’ve done a wonderful job in caring for her as long as you have but now it’s time to place her where you know she’ll be safe and cared for while you get back to living your life again. Each of us have our limits and we know when it’s time. Stay strong.

Jo C.

Dear Neverends, you have cared for your mother for so long, she has been blessed to have such a caring and loving daughter.

I can understand your feelings about the transfer to the care facility; it is difficult to do and driving an hour to get her there must be difficult to think about.  I have said a prayer on your behalf.  Do know that while we cannot be with you in person, we will be with you in spirit; and we really do care.

Let us know how you are and how things went.  It may take a little while to settle in to the new way of being without having the daily care of your mother.  You will soon find yourself again and the days will take on a different sort of energy.  You can rest and recoup yourself and when you visit your mother, you can be the loving daughter without the exhaustion.

Sending warm thoughts you way and wishing you the very best,

J.

Jean loves wildlife

Neverends, you have given so much to others, both in your career as a nurse and caring for your mom. What a long difficult road you have travelled. You are making the right decision to get her into full time care. It is impossible to do everything on your own, and so sad that even your siblings and kids are MIA. Sending love and prayers as you move her to LTC. I can imagine that hour's drive will be very difficult given your mom's condition. Sending loving thoughts and prayers for that trip, for her, and for your future life. It will still be hard because of your concern for her but I pray you will be able to do some things for yourself that help you heal and that bring joy back into your life. 

"There's a special place in heaven for caregivers."

 --Maureen Reagan

ladyzetta

Dear Neverends, 

I have a few thoughts that might help if you have not figured a way to get your mom to the care facility.

Put out a e mail to all your family and friends that are close enough to help. Let them know you need someone to accompany you on this 1-hour trip. If you get no replies, Shame on Them. 

Contact a place like Uber and look for a driver. I don't know how expensive this is but maybe you can get VA to help. Maybe contact the VA in your area and see if they can help.

My DH was in a MC facility and there was a lot of people there that volunteered in many ways, maybe you can call the MC where your mother will be going and ask them. Take Care Zetta 

Fairyland

I think it would be worth considering hiring an aide just to run interference for you on the day,  if nothing else.