What to do when simple affirmations are not enough?

wizmo

DW around stage 5 has increasing confabulations, a mix of real current events in her life and confused random bits from her disease.  Today she came up with some story about a woman who approached her and gave her a spare pair of glasses.  She is indeed using some spare glasses temporarily in preparation for a vision correction (RLE) exam, but there has been no recent interaction with a strange woman.  I am getting accustomed to simply agreeing with her version of reality, but have a hard time when it comes to helping her fill in missing pieces because my guesses to her probing questions are always wrong.  If I say I don't know anything about this woman, she insists that I was there too and I should know, i.e. I'm denying her reality.  I tried to suggest possible alternatives like maybe she ran into her doctor while we were out shopping or at a restaurant, and I had stepped away briefly so I missed it.  If I affirm she met this woman, then DW wants to know more details about who she is, how did we get connected with her, when will we see her again - with deeper explanations I am not ready to fabricate and try to keep straight.  There is still enough retention that when I use excuses like "we will find out more tomorrow or next week", there is a fair chance she will ask me tomorrow and hold me to what I said yesterday - then get irritated that I am withholding information, and it must be bad news because otherwise I would just tell her.  These conversations just escalate her agitation and I find myself at a loss to appease her.  Of course it usually dissipates in hours or days, I just wish I could get to a temporary happy ending more often instead of having it spiral out of control.

Rick4407

My favorite response is "I don't remember".  My DW usually accepts this since she also does not remember.   I have a long list of responses that I use with all sorts of questions.

"I think so but maybe not"

"We'll figure it out when the time comes"

"You're eyes are much better than mine, I didn't see it"

"Mostly but it changes, we'll see"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention"

"Lets wait and see what happens"

The list goes on.  Ultimately you can return her question with a question, "Why would she do that?"  "Do you like them?"  

Lastly, pretend you are a politician and answer a different question than the one asked.  "Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be nice".  "Lets do take out for dinner".

For me, over the last few years, it has become easy to turn the conversation.  Good luck, Rick

Paris20

Rick, you stole all my best lines! Over time, I learned that these off-handed answers are often enough. What doesn’t work is explanation, rational discussion, or any effort at convincing our LO of the truth.

Vitruvius

Rick!  These are the exact same answers in my repertoire! They ALMOST always work. Occasionally she come back with "you always say that".

Davegrant

Here it is a Monday morning and my DW pops her head into my computer room to tell me that she found black hairs in the shower. (We both have white hair) She has been saying this for a few weeks. I was sitting here actually reading this post, so the timing was perfect. I said, "You have better eyes than I do" She then tried to blame our granddaughter who is staying with us but in another part of the house and who has her own bath.  But DW is relentless in her stories and mostly wants to argue. It is always good for me to realize that I am not alone. Finding black hair is a new version of the person who stole her purse, money, jacket etc. I find this mildly annoying compared to DW other behaviors related to suspicion. She did ask if my granddaughter took a shower with me. (My granddaughter is 26 and pregnant. so that cuts deeper) It never ends.