ABC123

Battlebuddy

Was thinking about you and that move coming up. I hope you are not too stressed out or pulling your hair out. I think closings can be stressful so your in my prayers

M1

Agree, fingers crossed for you and your dad. Let us know when you can.

robertmayy

That's for sure! Instead I decided to cut my hair short.trap the cat

toolbeltexpert

Reported

Quilting brings calm

Bringing this up to the top since today was expected to be closing day for your dad’s new home.  Please let us know if  it went smoothly,  I saw your post on Ed’s thread- sounds like your dad is really suffering through this stage of your Mom’s situation? How are you? I know you have been extremely  stressed and that’s causing you some worries about your own health.

abc123

Hello BB, M1 and QBC, Thank you for reaching out to me! I deeply appreciate the support. So much has been happening at such a fast rate. the days all seem to run together and I'm having a hard time keeping up with important things. I live with a note book in my hands and write down everything. The closing was today and everything went well. The truck arrives some time tonight and we will start unloading in the morning. My brother and brother in law are supposed to come tomorrow to help unload the truck I sure hope they show up! My brother has not been doing well and quit his job. 

Momma has been doing well the past few days and has been talking in sentences. The next few days will be very hectic for me. I will stay in touch the best I cam. I am asking for prayers bc I am I need them. Everyone here is always  mind and in my prayers.

Quilting brings calm

abc123 - have you had a moment to rest yet?  Based upon how long the move out of the old house took, are you still trying to get your dad up packed enough to function at the new place? Did the relatives show up?  How is mom? How is your brother?

abc123

Update on the move.

The truck arrived on the 19th and was unloaded. I worked all day on the 19th and when I woke up on the following day I was so sore AND tired, I couldn't get out of bed. Didn't have the energy to stand up. It was awful! My brother and brother in law both showed up on the 19th and were absolutely useless. I wish they wouldn't have come at all. My brother had just quit his job and had the nerve to ask Dad for $5000!!!! I couldn't believe it. My brother kicked an ottoman around the living room for a couple of hours before he finally left. The only thing my BIL did was make a full report back to my sister of every word that was said all day by either my dad or myself. When I got in my car to leave for home at 7:30 that night, my sister called me and yelled, screamed and cursed me out over a bed! When I couldn't get a word in, I just hung up on her. My dad was so stressed out and tired I was concerned about him. He's 85 years old and his wife is slowly but steadily wasting away before our eyes. Thank God the four young men on the moving crew went above and beyond! A friend of mine came that morning and stayed all day and worked like a mule. On the 21st my friend came back and also another friend drove in from Mississippi. They both worked with me all day. They also treated my dad with respect and kindness. I really appreciated that! My sister and BIL showed up at my house Friday night with their yappy little dog who barks constantly! My sister immediately starts trying to take over by telling dad and me what we will be doing on Saturday morning when we first get to the new house. My dad quietly went into his bedroom here and threw some clothes in a bag, kissed mom good night, put his two little dogs in his car and left. He spent his first night in the new place alone with his dogs. I thought he handled the situation well. I was here and also a caregiver was here so he knew mom would be taken care of. Geese! I forgot to mention my daughter was here too! She was extremely helpful and I was so happy to have her emotional support. At noon she quietly left with dad and took him to lunch then to AT&T. She was able to help him get his phone set up properly and they set up a new account for wi-fi and cable TV. They also got keys made for the house. She was able to keep him busy and away from my sister and BIL for almost 4 hours. When they got back, he looked much better and his stress level was way down! BIG win! My friend was also there to help me again. Between the two of us we were able to get a lot accomplished while dad and daughter were gone. My sister and BIL managed to get a guest bedroom set up. They didn't unpack anything or place any furniture unless it was related to the guest room which she announced would be "their" room when they come to visit! The few times we were alone together she wanted to know what was going to happen to the house when dad dies! I left to go home and check on momma and the caregiver about 4 pm. I had had enough. My friend went home too. They went out to dinner, dad dropped my daughter off at my house after dinner. My sister and BIL slept at dad's house last night. I'm sorry this post is so long but I have got to get this off my chest. I feel like I was in a bad movie. It's unbelievable. My daughter and I went back to dad's this morning about 10. I insisted my friend NOT come today. I was afraid it would be another 'freak show" and wanted to spare her from the BS. I was right! Major freak show! 

abc123

Update~Part 2

Dad came out to my car the moment we pulled up! I was in work mode and was hoping my sister had calmed down and would behave like an adult. Wrong...... ..Dad said I have to get out of here! They are driving me crazy! He offered to bring my daughter home! The two of them drive off and here comes my sister and BIL. They started bombarding me with questions about what did dad just say to you? He's crazy, yadda, yadda, yadda. My sister starts crying and screaming AND cursing. It was just like a flash back of every time she has a meltdown about dad. The exact same thing! It's like being a teenager again. She's mad because he hurt her feelings, she's mad because he won't give her keys to the house, she's mad because she wants him to leave the house to her when he dies. This went on for at least 15 minutes. The next thing I know, she's packing their car to leave. Her husband tries to help her, she starts screaming at him in the driveway out front. She comes storming back into the house. The very last thing she said to me was, "They are not our fu-king responsibility! Then they left. I think I'm still in shock. I have an appointment with a therapist this Wednesday at 1. I wish it were tomorrow. I don't understand how three siblings can be raised by the same parents in the same house, the same way and all turn out so different. I have my fair share of issues, don't get me wrong. I'm far from perfect but darn! Does anyone else have siblings like mine? Am I the only one? They didn't even take the time to swing by my house to tell our mother good-bye. Nothing! I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. I'm ashamed to post this but I had to vent.

Our mother looks like a skeleton now. She's still eating and drinking. Her vital signs are still good. There are times when she's very alert! Her hips and shoulders are just bones with a layer of skin over them. She is losing muscle mass very quickly. By the grace of God she has not developed any pressure sores. I spend as much time as possible with her but recently I'm so busy with dad and his needs.

ButterflyWings

ABC123 - So glad to hear from you and glad it sounds like the move-in went well overall. 

You really are a force of nature in all that you are helping get accomplished for your dear parents. I’m sorry for your DM’s progression, but glad you have help. I hope you can continue getting some rest whenever possible. Sending you hugs, prayers, and strength. As for your siblings—good grief!

Quilting brings calm

Abc123 - I am so sorry the move lasted so long and was so stressful.  You couldn’t even rest at your house between caregivers, relatives and the stress of it all.  I have definitely learned that my 63 year old body no longer has the stamina and oomph that it used to.  I’m sure you are exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. 

It’s very distressing to be the only sibling doing everything.   I understand why it’s that way in my family, but that understanding  doesn’t make me resent them any less. The only thing worse than them not being around is them being around and causing havoc. Havoc  pretty much describes your week with your siblings and BIL.  I wish I could say that it will all smooth over soon, but that havoc hurt your heart and your dad’s heart. 80 some year olds can’t seem to get over that hurt( at least my mom can’t).  As for myself, the resentment of it all keeps building.   I’m glad you have a therapy appointment coming up. 

I do hope this week is better for you. 

M1

Abc, I'm sorry it was so hard:  sounds like money is at the root of it.  Unfortunately that's true for a lot of families.  

I'm glad tbey're gone.  Hope your dad can settle in and have a little peace.  You too.

SusanB-dil

Agree with M1 - glad the toxic ones are gone.  Glad you did have some help. kudos to daughter and your friend!  Now just get dad settled a bit at a time and get some rest.

and no - you are not the only one with sibling issues.  Fortunately, my brother and I get along fine, but friends of mine have their hands full trying to assist his mom.  His sister wants it her way or no way and says 'why the concern, there aren't any issues'. That sis is another toxic one and really, just doesn't want to deal with anything - unless it benefits her.  Sounds about the same where sis wants that guest room 'just so' for herself and then no need to deal with the rest.

Joydean

ABC, I’m glad to hear you got your dad moved in. You are blessed to have such wonderful friends and such a special blessing with your daughter. Hope you get some rest so you can visit with your mom! Will be thinking of you!

Babilv

Praying for you and your family! I suggest you think about turning the ‘guest room’ into a physical therapy, relaxation or other type of room for dad. Tell anyone coming for an overnight visit will have to get a room somewhere else. Hopefully that can create a space for dad to help with the stress level when your siblings come to visit. All the best.

Ed1937

Oh, ABC! I'm so sorry you have had such a hard time with everything. You are a saint!! See if you can let go of the negative things that happened, and try to find the positive. It is only human to really focus on the bad things in life, but that does not serve us well. There were some positives. Sister and BIL are out. Daughter and friends are in.  Dad seems to be adapting well. Mom still has positive things going on with her. The major part of moving is over. Movers were helping the situation. You have friends here. I think about you, mom, and dad often. Prayers coming your way for all of you.

Battlebuddy

  So sorry that there were some very tough parts to the move. But I am glad it is done. I’m hoping that after all the work you have put in for the last couple months that things settle down and there is a new normal. 

  Praying for you and yours as you solder on. 

   I agree with Ed’s post. You have accomplished a lot and should be proud of yourself! You are a care giving rockstar

abc123

I’d never make it without all of you! You have recharged my battery! Thank you! You are all in my daily prayers and thoughts! Ed, I do agree with you. I really don’t like being negative-sometimes I just want to smack someone!

Stomach Virus Warning!

Sunday night within about 6 hours my sister, BIL, daughter and I came down with a terrible stomach virus. I just got out of bed last night for the first time since Sunday night. Thank God my parents didn’t get it. 

mommyandme (m&m)

My mother got our stomach virus.  Fortunately it was only a 36 hour one, but what a mess!  Poor thing.  Glad you’re feeling better finally. Thanks for sharing!

Pat6177

Oh abc123, what a bummer to have the stomach virus! I’m sure all of the stress of the past month(s) made you more susceptible. I sure hope you’re on the mend now. And you probably had to cancel that therapy appointment. I hope you can get that rescheduled soon. Thank goodness neither of your parents got sick. Try to be gentle with yourself as you get back on your feet. Hugs and prayers!