DH threatening to stop taking meds

sunshine5

I order his meds, give to him diligently each lunch and dinner time, I put the meds  in a little dish, right under his nose! he forgot to take them today! I was annoyed, he threatened to stop taking them!

Sometimes, he says how long he has to continue having a patch( I put the patch every am)

It’s so frustrating!

How should I react?

After all, he never has taken care of me! Now, to have this kind of behavior!

I told him we should look into a assisted living for future, he says - who for? He is fine, his memory is super!

jfkoc

It is frustrating...maddening...sad....unreasonable. It will continue to be so the bottom line is do you want to be responsible for his care. It is  a  choice.

If you choose to continue we will share all of our support and information with you. It is not an easy journey...you will be tested many times but if you choose to continue we do all we can  to make the journey easier.

If you choose not to we will still be here.

Now the pills. You can say OK. You can accept that he truly did not remember to take them ( I am quilty of doing that) You can simply ask " do you want to take your pills or hand them to him. You can get upset and we understnad that but getting  angry does not accomplish much. If you choose this caregiver job you will have mch bigger fish to fry than the taking of pills.

Again....we understand  how you feel and we care about you and we understand hall passes.

Paris20

Sunshine, I am sorry that you’re dealing with all this. I can identify with your frustration. Every interaction with my husband has become a challenge, requiring immense amounts of wasted time. He fights everything. He has many medications that he must take am and pm. Every single time he asks why he has to take all those pills, often holding up each one to ask me what it is. I just persist until he takes them. 

Getting him out of bed each day is an ordeal. When I let him do as he pleases, he comes down at 5pm. I avoid early morning appointments because if we must go somewhere early, I need 2-3 hours of prep time. Yesterday, he had an online video appointment with our PCP. He told her he was fine and had no problems. I then went down the list of his symptoms, all of which he denied. When he said he eats no sweets, I almost choked. He LIVES on sweets. The doctor had no trouble believing my side of things.

Quilting brings calm

Medication management can become a real problem.  When my LO was in the La La land of a UTI, getting her to take her medication was almost impossible.  We would put it in front of her and then have  to beg her to take it  for 30 minutes or more every time.  It didn’t matter if we left it in the pill reminder ( a home health suggestion) or not.  It was as if she thought it was poison.  Sometimes a friend could  persuade her.  When I moved my parents into assisted living, I signed them up for medication management there.

Ed1937

Sunshine, is this the first time he forgot to take his meds? If this is the first time, you really shouldn't be upset about it. We all forget things from time to time. If he forgets to take them routinely, you probably should watch to make sure he takes them.

If you don't want to take care of him because he never took care of you, you should find someone else to take the job. If you do want to do the job, you really need to do your homework, so you know what you're dealing with. The more you understand it, the easier it will be for you.

You said "He is fine, his memory is super!". You probably should watch this video. Why your loved one doesn't believe they have dementia- It's NOT denial. 

We can help you get through the hard times. It will help if you follow this link too. http://www.dementiacarestrategies.com/12_pt_Understanding_the_Dementia_Experience.pdf  

Michael Ellenbogen

I would just say how important is this medication. What happens if they don’t take it. I have so much trouble take in my pills that I hate it so much daily. They are always getting couth in my throut and some time I have hours of pain from them. I can not wash them down if drink or eat bread. And trust me some of these burn the sh-- out of my throat.  

Gig Harbor

You can ask his doctor to stop the pills that are not necessary for a person with dementia such as a statin. Maybe with fewer pills to take he won’t argue. You can also put the patch on his back where he might not notice you putting it on. I get how you are tired. It is hard to do everything for someone and have them criticize you. My husband never did anything for me because I could do it for myself yet over the years I cooked all his meals, shopped for groceries, did his laundry, paid the bills and cleaned the house as well as worked full time and managed our daughter’s school and activities. My advice to young women today is divide the house chores up evenly with your husbands so you never feel like you have done everything.

Iris L.

sunshine5 wrote:

I have this kind of behavior!

I told him we should look into a assisted living for future, he says - who for? He is fine, his memory is super!

Please familiarize yourself with anosognosia.  He truly believes he is fine!  YOU have to learn how to compensate and learn work-arounds.  To begin with, stop frustrating yourself.

Iris L.

JJ401

DH has taken morning blood pressure pills for years. He’s added meds and still automatically takes them. But, now he also takes a night pill. I’ve set an alarm and when it rings he recognizes it’s time for his pill, but unless I watch him actually take it, it has ended up sitting on the counter. So now I watch to be sure it’s in the mouth and swallowed.

My SIL had the pill swallowing difficulty Michael described. Her crushable pills were added to pudding so that administration was easier. 

sunshine5

If I had a choice- i will gladly pass on the responsibility of medication management to someone else, sadly it’s a costly affair!

Yes, mostly he takes it when I put them under his nose! I make sure he takes them!

I can’t even begin to think if this goes on daily basis!

Thanks for all the support the group has given, u brave souls!