Does your love one talk about their loss?

toolbeltexpert

Just wanted to ask if anyone else has heard thier love one talk about things they noticed they lost. Not material things though, we were driving yesterday and my dw said she can't remember anything from her 12 to 15 yr old period just out of the blue. I asked her to make sure I knew what she was taking about. Also when I am driving she says she doesn't know the roads any more. Even the main road a 1/4 mile from home. I just find it strange that she is recognizing these losses. Is this a common  thing. Dementia  drives me crazy trying to understand. I have started dating the first time she has a new loss. Sometimes they don't stay lost for more than a few days.

Last night DW have you ever meet my sister Joyce? She only has one sister and I know her well.

Ed1937

My wife will say "I can't even talk anymore". But she never delves into her losses. I don't think it is uncommon for people to mention their losses.

Quilting brings calm

My Mom is still in our reality.  MCI or stage 4 on the given day.  She knows she has lost memories. She knows she can’t recall names of people she should know, but doesn’t see often anymore.  Such as her sister in law.  She knows she can’t remember what happened ‘last night’, and it bothers her a lot.  She knows she is confused and ‘can’t get it together’( her words).  She knows she’s lost when we go anywhere.  She’s obsessed with upcoming appointments but cant remember the reason for the appointment.   She used to describe her brain as spinning in different directions as if it was in pieces.  The saddest part?  She continues to express that this should be temporary and that time passing will make it all go away.   Her mom had dementia, but she doesn’t seem to recognize she does. The doctors mention it in her presence, but I don’t use that term to her outside of the doctors office,

RNS

My DH will start to say something, hesitate and I'll ask him what he said. He then pauses and you can see he is trying to recall his thought.  He usually is unable and then replies, " I don't know".  He will then just retreat back into his silence.  He was a brilliant scientist and I can only imagine the frustration and fear he feels.  However, 15 to 30 seconds later, he has totally forgotten about it.

Gig Harbor

RNS my husband does exactly that too. He also remarks how he doesn’t recognize streets around our house and is often surprised when he sees our house. He will mention his family and is surprised when I say I know them. I have made 30 trips back to his home town over 50 years and he is amazed when I tell him this. I would be far less lonely if I were home alone so I know exactly how you feel.

terei

IMO it is a waste of time to try to ‘understand’ the effects of dementia.  A diseased brain is going to work (or not work) so that a rational mind is never gong to make sense of it.

JoseyWales

My husband went from knowing there was something wrong (but the doctors wouldn't diagnose), to understanding his diagnosis, to thinking he was just forgetful, to being upset over his loss of speech but not aware of his memory, to having no idea about any of it.

He was often angry about all of it along the way.

Every PWD is different. I imagine each individual's brain loses different peices at different times. There's just no figuring this out.

Rescue mom

I was trying to understand what the OP was asking or saying, but Terei and Josey comment helped, (maybe).

 My DH often, and cheerfully, tells me “I don’t remember that,” or “I don’t recognize that” (his office of 50 years), “who is that?” (The grandkids)  or “I don’t know how to do that anymore.”. He gives no hint of being upset about it, he’s “just” telling me.

 I hear other caregivers say they’re upset when their PWD doesn’t  remember things, and PWD are likely to say that a lot.

Caregivers  usually know or expect that PWDs forget things like that. It’s not that PWD may or may not talk about it, it’s the forgetting that still hurts.  Maybe worse, seems to me, when the PWD is upset because they don’t remember.

I also second what RNS and Gig said. When you have no shared memories or past, no understanding of current situations, and no meaningful future likely, “conversation” becomes, ummm,difficult.

Pat6177

My DH is often saying “my brain is going” or “I’ve forgotten so much”. And so often I’ll make reference to something we recently did and he’ll say “was I there?” If I mention a store or restaurant, he always asks where it is and sometimes he persists, asking where such and such a street is. He had his annual wellness visit with his PCP about a week ago and they had him draw the clock. Which he couldn’t do. When the medical assistant left the room, he said “I’m so embarrassed “. Where is anosognosia when you need it?!? And yet when he had repeat neuro psych testing done at the end of Jan, she asked him how he felt his memory was and he replied that he didn’t think it was too bad. So maybe he sees the individual losses but not the overall total picture of his losses?

jmlarue

"Dementia  drives me crazy trying to understand. "

I just don't try to understand it. I'm pretty sure I've fallen down Alice's rabbit hole. I really can't make sense of DH's behavior or speech anymore and I just find it exhausting to even try. In earlier days, I tried. Even kept a journal for a time. What a worthless waste of time that was. I can tell you the date of the first time he didn't recognize his own sons, but it provided no insight on why that happened or a forecast on when he might not recognize me anymore. These dementia brains are like a computer that's been scrambled by a power surge. They might still fill up the screen with random data bits. You might recognize words or phrases, but it's all just random nonsense.

M1

TB my partner also asked me frequently if I had ever met her family members--whom I've known for thirty years---as well as our neighbors and many mutual friends.  It stings at first, for sure.  But then there also came the times when she didn't recognize me, and that was worse.  And forgot all our mutual history.

toolbeltexpert

Thanks everyone I was just wondering about the things that happen with a pwd. It does sound common now that you all chimed in. I had visited MCF for many years but,my time there wasn't  long enough to learn the little things that the love ones go thru. I am not looking forward to the things that will continue change, but I am preparing myself cause it is coming regardless.

Paris20

My husband is completely oblivious to his condition. It has been that way from the start. He has tried to engage his neurologist in debate over issues like driving, finances, etc. He thinks he is still in charge. I leave that delusion in place because it keeps him relatively happy and safe. On the one hand he’s a happy anosognosiac. On the other hand, I feel very alone on this awful journey. He was the one I’d talk to about everything. Now there’s just getting through the day.

My husband’s memory is fading backwards in time. He is now in 1972, the year we moved from his home town to the place where we live today. His career as a university professor and administrator is just about gone. He doesn’t know where his parents and brother are and wants to call them. They’re all dead. He will die blissfully unaware of his destruction.