No more Normal

Scooterr

      My wife and I have been married for over 40yrs now. We first met in Jr. High School, I guess you could call it puppy love. We done everything together movies, going to the races and walks in the park. By the time we got though high school we were getting married. We raised our family and bought my old family Homestead. Together we worked on the old place making it a home. My wife became pretty handy, she could lay tile, patch drywall, and became very skilled with many of my tools, hate to say it at times she was better than me. We done everything together from working on the house, long motorcycle rides, walks, buying groceries, fishing and even mowing the yard, that was our wonderful normal life.

     The last several days I've been replacing our sidewalk around the front of the house. In my mind I thought it would be a great project for my wife and I to do together. For some reason I thought I could have my wife help me and everything would fall into place and there would be a since of normalcy. The dream was short lived, it didn't take long for me to see the confusion on her face along with the frustration. She would try the best she could then just wander off. I tried to get her to just sit under our porch and watch, but she would get up and wander off. I then realized there was no more normal in our life.

     My wife was a big talker, she would talk, talk, and ramble on for hours about anything and everything.  I remember we would take short adventures on the weekend just to get away and she would talk the whole time. She's now nonverbal and the talking has gone. Dear God how I miss it so much, in 40yrs I've never felt so alone in our home.

    I know I'm singing the Blue's and many of you know where I'm coming from.  When night comes and I get her put in bed, I just prey for mercy for my wife. This is a horrible, horrible disease and I hate it with every part of my body, I hate the crap that comes with it, and I hate that everyday it steals a little more of my wife from me!  It's been a rough couple of weeks and I had to unload it. Sorry

      

      

60 falcon

I get it scooter.  No need to apologize.

Kibbee

It's a long, hard road caring for a loved one with dementia.  It sucks to be on this journey, but unfortunately many of us find ourselves here.  I often come to this online community and just read the entries.  I have learned so much from the many wise and experienced caregivers here.  I also find myself filled with admiration for the other caregivers who give so much of themselves to care for their loved one.  Just knowing I am not alone helps me keep going.

As for normal, I sometimes cannot even remember what DH was like back before his Neuro-cognitive condition began., and especially since the rate of progression has picked up in the past 5 years.  I guess the DH of today is our new normal.  

Crushed

I get you . We met when She was 18 but it took a while to convince her.  We bought the house from my parents after two years of marriage.  I found out she could sweat pipe better than I could.  She built my first computer in 1980.  I was the cook and could iron a pleated skirt.    

Normal stopped five years ago. 

Marie58

I get it. Especially the communication part. DH has been nonverbal for about 2 years now. And no need to apologize...you're feelings are real.

Joydean

I get it! Normal, it’s just a forgotten word that has no meaning, not in Alzheimer’s world. 

Ed1937

Scooter, you posted your thoughts in the right place. There's not one of us who does not understand.

toolbeltexpert

Scooteer life with your dw sounds like you lived it well. 

The doing things together and building a life, and now the broken paths can only be repaired to keep her safe. These are the little losses that make us sad. 

You made me think, I was contemplating having dw help with the mowing, at one time she did most of it. She hasn't done any at all for at least a year maybe 2. I don't know what I was thinking, she wouldn't know where to start.  She keeps telling me not to sell her John deere mower cause she knows how to use that one. I sold it 2 or 3 years ago, now it's a 4 wheel steering jd mower. She doesn't recognize the difference. As long as it's yellow and green we are good.

We are all alone now, doing the best we can on these broken paths that dementia was broken. I am so sorry you or anyone has to go thru this especially those who are still working I don't know how they do it. Your a great caregiver scooteer.  Praying for you and dw. 

Paris20

Scooterr, you are so right. Sometimes I have to catch myself when I see my husband showing a new symptom of this horrible disease and I say, «Well, that’s normal for Alzheimer’s.»  That word has no place in a description of what is happening to my DH. We met as teens and have known each other for almost 60 years. We are losing that wonderful couple-history like an outgoing tide. Of course I remember, but what do we do when so much of the joy, hard work, laughing and crying together, building a life are no longer shared.

Scooterr

Thank you guys so much.

    It feels good to be able to have a place to come and vent, unload, and let it out. I know you guys know how it feels sometimes when you just keep it bottled up for so long it starts to break you down. I truly hate that anyone has to be in our position and as bad as it sounds, I find solace knowing I'm not alone in this fight, and there's good people out there who knows where I'm coming from. Thank You

DrinaJGB

I am right there with you.

Buggsroo

My husband would go on the hilarious rants about something he saw or did during the day. He would have me in tears of laughter, his keen eye for the human condition was so bang on, it was great. We laughed together for 26 years together but the last few years the house has been silent. I thought I might play some music and maybe the silence would be mitigated for a short time. 

If I ask a question, I get a blank stare, or he sits there and counts his fingers over and over again. I try to tease him about being worried if a finger went missing last night but he just stares blankly again. It reminds me of my grandmother’s house late at night with just the ticking of the clock. I honestly never saw this coming even though dementia runs in his family.