Final Stage(1)

Mlewis501

After years of suffering with this awful disease, my mom has now passed away (age 90).  I could not leave this forum without saying thank-you so much for always being here to listen, often advise, and always pass along great caregiving help!  My mom's journey has been one filled with lots of struggles.  I think I will always feel guilt for not doing more, even though I always tried my very best.  I made my mom 2 promises many years ago.... 1.  Not to seek out any doctor who would try to prolong her health  and 2.  never put her into a home.  I failed on both promises.  You see, my mom had 5 sisters and 1 brother.  She had watched all but 1 of her siblings suffer from Alzheimer's or dementia.  She knew her time was coming.  The worst day of my life was the day I had to call 911 and have her removed from the home and put into the hospital and then memory care.  I knew as that ambulance pulled away, she would never come home.  She lived the last year and half in memory care.  I will continue to look at some of the post on this forum from time to time as  I feel like I know many of you!  I will continue to pray for you as you continue on your journey.  I wish you well and I wish you peace.  Caretaking is the most difficult thing I have ever done!  I am now left as caretaker for my father.  While his mind is still great (at 93), his body is failing him.  God's blessing and peace be with you all!

SusanB-dil

Mlewis - so sorry for your loss.  you have no reason to feel guilty!   Caregiving is hard. You know you did your best, and really that's exactly all she would have wanted.  You did not 'fail'.

Peace and comfort to you and your family - God bless as you continue on with Dad.

toolbeltexpert

Mlewis  sorry for your loss. Don't beat your self up for something you couldn't have predicted or stopped. You did it for her.  Caregiveing is super hard,and unless has someone's done it they wouldn't know.

Lafmore

I am new here so have not been along on your journey. I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. You may have made her promises, but whether you said it out loud or not, I'm sure you made her and yourself a promise to do what was best for her. You didn't fail, you fulfilled that promise as best you could and demonstrated tremendous love. Blessings to you and your father.

Mlewis501

Thank you for you kind responses!

Joydean

 I also send my condolences for the loss of your mom. We make promises, but some we just can’t keep. You loved your mom and did the best you could do. Prayers for you and your family. 

Rescue mom

Miswis, I feel so sad for you. You have nothing to feel guilty for, but it sounds too easy for me to say that. You wanted to do (or not do) things and promised with all good intentions and expectations. But life dealt you not only new cards, but a whole new game. Like you promised to be a 10k runner but you lost your legs.  Sometimes these life promises simply can’t be kept b anyone because life interferes. “Prolonging health”has so many aspects that are not always clear at first. What if she’s in terrible pain? Relief might prolong, but we can’t let them,face pain like that. And we just can’t give up our own life to keep them “home.” in conditions very different from expected at the beginning.  That gives the disease two lives, and you know she did not want to lose yours because of her.

You protected her, loved her,watched out for her best interest and wants. I think that is what we mothers really want. That was important to get done; details of how, less so.

It is the most difficult,challenging, toughest job we’ll ever do. We do our best. And the end outcome is always sad regardless. Try to focus on all the good you did and the love always there. No guilt. Doing it again with a dad is beyond me to even think about.

abc123

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious mother. Please try to let go of the guilt. It serves no good purpose. When you feel up to it, it would be nice to hear from you. Remember we are all still here for you.

nikopapp

I am sorry for your loss as well- we have very similiar stories with our mother's.

I wish you all the best with your Dad as well and hopefully you have some peace that your mother is out of her mental prison.

BlackCat1

I would love to hear more of your story.  I wish there was a thread where people could tell their story in more detail with dealing with a LO suffering from this disease.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry you lost your dear mother.  She knew and felt your deep love for her.  She would have told you if she could.  I wish you peace and comfort going forward, and for your father.