Transitioning?

Itsy

My first post..took all of my courage to do this as I am sure that I am the stupidest person to ever inquire on this board. My sister (actually sister-in-law) but we are that close, moved so I could help her as she has no one else and I LOVE her so. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's  at the age of 68. I moved her into Assisted Living, then Memory Care a year later. These past two months she has descended quickly. I received a call from her Memory care  unit that they recommended hospice. This was arranged immediately and on Easter she had a TIA leaving her face drawn.  Then on Wednesday she had another that paralyzed her entire right side. She has no appetite despite me taking all of her favorite foods to her and trying to coerce her to try them. Last night she sat in her wheelchair with head down and not acknowledging my presence. I just received a call from hospice saying she has been in bed all day sleeping and that they have arranged a hospital bed be brought in. This nurse said "I believe she is starting to transition ". She said a few other things and then hung up. In all of my shock and sorrow I said NOTHING. I now realize I don't even know for sure if I understand what that means! Please help me understand.

MN Chickadee

Not stupid at all. If you haven't been through it before it is all new and hard to process through a heavy heart. I'm sorry you are going through this. My mother declined into death suddenly too and it is hard to think straight in the middle of it. Transitional comes before active dying. It means your sister is indeed starting the dying process. For some people this transitional phase lasts weeks, for others mere hours or a couple days. If your sister is not taking in food and water it probably won't be long. The last time my mother ingested anything (a few sips of Ensure) was 4 days before she passed. Hospice will start monitoring your sister for signs of pain and discomfort and likely start some medications to make her comfortable like morphine and/or ativan. The hospice nurse will probably start visiting her at least every couple days and then every day to oversee changes and medication needs. The MC staff will reposition her often to avoid bedsores and moisten her mouth with a sponge and gently clean her but there is often discomfort. Your sister may have incredible restlessness and involuntary movements during this phase. This part is hard to watch but it does pass. Don't hesitate to call the hospice and ask more questions. They are used to family being in shock and will understand that you weren't prepared to discuss this at the time they called. It's all part of their job. Spend time with your sister and tell her what is in your heart. If she enjoys music you might put some softly on in her room. Create a quiet calming space with an eye on over stimulation and prevent too much light and noise. If she is religious bring in her clergy for any desired rituals or prayer. Now is the time for contemplation, final thoughts and moments and touches, and preparing both of you for her peaceful landing. I'm sorry.

Itsy

Thank you so much for helping me understand  and for your kindness. Bless you!

Olly_Bake

Hugs to you Itsy and to your sister-in-law (your sister). I can tell you love her very much and I bet if she could tell you, she would say she love you much. From my understanding transitioning means, "the beginning of the final stage of dying." For my uncle hospice gave him two weeks and for my mom it was days. I agree to call on hospice to help you understand specifically for your sister.

Again Hugs!!!

Itsy

Olly...you are SO right!! I LOVE this beautiful lady!! Before her illness really took over, we had such great adventures together...going to the Zoo, Broadway shows and just silly trips to the local ice cream parlor!! I miss her so much. Thank you for your warm and uplifting words!

jfkoc

They told me my husband was transitioning. Went right over my head. I had never heard the term and frankly can't understand its use. Transitioning getting ready to enter active dying? Why not just say someone is close to dying and will not live much longer and then why can't we use the term die and not pass. 

My friend tells me it is a religious thing...transitioning from this life into the next and passing from one world into another. 

Now is the time to just be with your sister. It is a good time to share memories with her.She may not eat but she may be listening.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m so sorry for your pain and anguish. I think the dying are often more aware than some give them credit.  Those two TIA events may have spoken to her loud and clear and she’s ready to move on from her worldly vessel.  She can hear you and knows you are there. She’ll feel your love through this transition and when she starts to actively die.  It’s a blessing to share her last days, hours, moments with her. Hospice will help immensely. 

I’m sorry if this is truly the end of her life here on earth.  I hope you will find peace and comfort soon. 

You are so far from stupid, you have wisdom no one else has and have shared it with your sister.