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Peewee no longer wants to do anything.

He no longer wants to help with the dishes. He no longer wants to do laundry, He no longer wants to help around the house at all. All he wants to do is lay in bed and watch Gunsmoke and little house. or the Waltons when he is not sleeping. I can't get him motivated to do anything. He has lost interest in crushing his coke cans. He still wants to save them but now his sister comes and gets them from him and she crushes them for him. Just thought I would update on what's going on with him.

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  • [Deleted User]
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  • Lynne D
    Lynne D Member Posts: 276
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    Hello Ladypeewee!

    Thanks for the update. My HWD is about the same. He will watch me do hard physical work in the yard. I ask him if he wants to help. “I don’t do that kind of work.”

    In reality, he does not do anything, much less any kind of work. He is happy listening to music and looking out the window. He is happy. I guess that is all we can hope for,

    Hang in there!

  • Joydean
    Joydean Member Posts: 1,500
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    My DH hasn’t any physical work in a long time. He does watch me do all the yard work, house work, offers a a comment once in a while. Tells me I’m working too hard! But he has no interest or motivation to help. But, like the others have stated, he’s content. Guess I can’t ask for more! It could be a lot worse.
  • Paris20
    Paris20 Member Posts: 502
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    My husband is the same. He could sleep all day. His interests and hobbies are gone. He wouldn’t go a day without following his beloved Yankees. Now he couldn’t care less. I try to work around this new and different man.
  • KathyF1
    KathyF1 Member Posts: 122
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    My husband is exactly the same, I do everything. I do understand it’s part of the disease, but what is hard is not feeling appreciated. I don’t think he realizes how much I do. But- he is content most of the time so I’m counting my blessings.
  • toolbeltexpert
    toolbeltexpert Member Posts: 1,583
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    Well I kinda wish I had a little of one of your lo's. My dw walks around and says "I haven't dusted in forever," she runs her finger across anything and thens says this house is so dusty, she can't get motivated to do it. But if I do something she isn't doing, trouble is just around the corner. I wish I could do it all without constant anxiety. She is always saying I am going to get a job cause you do everything I used to do. Believe me I would love to do it all if she would just not go off the deep end angry. When I don't  vacuum she complains about walking on a gritty floor but she won't do it. I have to say my dw has always had a meticulous house before dementia. I guess if I was in one of your shoes I would feel the same way, I am killing myself trying to do what I do now. Sorry I am ranting it's been one of those days, I did the shopping and she was there, till the foods put away. Ten minutes later she is saying, I wish I was doing the shopping I haven't been to the store in forever. I can't do anything without causing a fuss.
  • JulieB46
    JulieB46 Member Posts: 50
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    My DH is the same. I don’t think he has turned lazy, he seriously cannot do anything anymore.  He can barely dress or find the bathroom.  He can’t rake or mow or load the dishwasher or shave or dry himself after a shower or tie his shoes or undo the knots in his shoes or put his pants on forward or make it to the bathroom at night without me helping him, he can’t make a call or answer a call, he can’t change the channel or turn the tv on or off. He can’t fasten his seatbelt, cut his food, he can’t follow a show or read an article.  He can’t complete a thought or have a conversation.  I know it’s getting worse by the day, but I wonder how long it will go on? I had a partner, now I have a dependent.
  • JulieB46
    JulieB46 Member Posts: 50
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    Toolbeltexpert, I just noticed we joined this helpful group exactly one year apart.  I’m sorry we are members of this horrible club.
  • [Deleted User]
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  • Jeff86
    Jeff86 Member Posts: 684
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    Thanks for the update, ladypeewee, and sorry about your DH’s progression. Apathy is pretty common as AD progresses.  Less and less interest in, and awareness of, the world around them.  And a greater burden on caregivers to create some stimulation.  Teepa Snow rightly says that, lacking any self motivation, PWDs are in a perpetual state of waiting.  Waiting for us to tell them what to do, where they should be, and so on.  Apart from the loss of abilities, there’s the loss of will. 

    It’s a tough slog.  But you knew that.  
  • Rescue mom
    Rescue mom Member Posts: 988
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    Again, it helps to know others see the same thing. My DH is perfectly happy to sit and watch me  wash cars, do yard work, do any kind of work regarding house, yard or car.  It’s just so different from the way he was before. He never cooked, but he did so much else. 

    Never in a million years would I have predicted he’d be ok to just watch me. He gets incredibly angry/upset of anybody else helps, and some have suggested he’s not as “unaware” as I may think.  But at least he’s not fussing or angry, as long as there’s nobody else  helping. He seems fine to just watch me do it. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a clue what I’m doing, so there’s certainly no appreciation. Just keep saying, at least he’s not acting out.

  • toolbeltexpert
    toolbeltexpert Member Posts: 1,583
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    JulieB46 wrote:
    Toolbeltexpert, I just noticed we joined this helpful group exactly one year apart.  I’m sorry we are members of this horrible club.
    Julieb46 that's is wild. When I  joined I read a lot but never posted.like you said this is a very helpful group. I acted on a few of the big things I read back them like the dpoa,I got my dw tested for thyroid, vitamin d deficiency ect. When the behavior started getting a little out of hand I started posting. I am sorry for you, I read your profile your a lot younger than most. I don't know how you do it.
  • Beachfan
    Beachfan Member Posts: 806
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    Lady Peewee,

    I am sorry to read of your DH’s decline.  Jeff86 has explained a situation that, sadly, affects many, if not most Alz patients.  “Apathy” is well defined by Jennifer Ghent in a downloadable 28 page easy to read document: Understanding the Dementia Experience.  Reading about apathy gave me great comfort as my DH progressed here at home.  He was content to sit quietly for hours with soft music playing until I led him to another spot or activity.  He progressed over several years to the point where he had absolutely no initiative, there was no conversation, it was like living alone, except that he required 24 hour supervision and physical assistance.  He has been residing in a MCF since November and the apathy continues.  But he is well cared for and content, and I am slowly getting some semblance of a normal life back.  I liken it to being a widow whose spouse is still alive.  I can accept this, knowing it could be a lot worse.  

  • Arrowhead
    Arrowhead Member Posts: 362
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    My wife is often ready and willing to help, even when I don't ask her to. However, she never does anything right, and I have to change what she did wrong. It actually makes more work for me.
  • ButterflyWings
    ButterflyWings Member Posts: 1,757
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    Dear LadyPeewee - so glad to hear from you. I thought about you and your DH not long ago. Was searching through some older threads and saw one of your last updates and was hoping no news was good news. I guess in a way, that is correct. It sounds like you and your DH have been getting along OK, but yes, we do know the decline and progression continues. I'm sorry for that sad fact of life for all of us and our LOs.

    My problem is that DH never wants to do what I would suggest, nor will he "help" me (like Arrowhead says...he can't really do things correctly like he used to) but I would be happy to have him participate in many things anyway if he would agree to do them together -- he just won't cooperate with that under any circumstances. Doesn't matter what the task or activity is.  He either has to do it himself (tries a lot, but can't so I am always redirecting him - ALL DAY!) or he refuses and gets huffy. So it isn't worth it to me to try engaging him, much less counting on him to do dishes or put things away, or any of the things it sounds like your Peewee has been doing until now. Wishing you well.

    I'm also thinking like Toolbelt, kinda wish I had some of the other LOs here...ijs --if my DH would be content to watch me do yard work rather than wandering off and rummaging any time I am not right by his side, or even if he would watch TV or nap longer, I'd take that in a heartbeat. Then, I could at least get some things done and/or spend a few minutes in peace. This caregiving gig is just not easy no matter what, is it? Darned if you do; darned if you don't.

  • ladypeewee
    ladypeewee Member Posts: 62
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    Thank you everyone for your replies. There is still alot my peewee can do and does for the most part. he goes to sleep around 10 or 11 pm. and sleeps till around 1:00 pm. Then he gets up and goes to get the mail. He can still talk on the phone, Which he does all the time when he's awake. He spends hours and hours talking to his sister. He can find things to talk about with her. He can still make me a sandwich if I tell him to. He always wants to go somewhere to get out of the house, it doesn't  matter if we just got back from town. I been working in the yard trying to unstop my septic tank from backing up. Peewee just stood there watching me dig to try and find the drain lines. I then I had to change out the pump. and he just watched me do it. 

    I mowed the yard and needed to dig my drain up that goes to my washing machine because it was plugged up. So I told him to carry my shovel around the house when that drain line was and he did that just fine but after he got the shovel around there he just laid the shovel down in the ditch and went the house and went to bed...

    I have since partly retired so I can spend more time with my Peewee. I only work 2 nights a week now.

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,091
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    Ladypeewee, it's good to hear from you again. I'm sorry you have everything landing in your lap, but glad you are only working 2 nights a week. Stay strong.
  • Marie58
    Marie58 Member Posts: 382
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    ladypeewee, good to hear from you and thanks for the update. I'm glad you're partly retired now. That must make things easier for sure.
  • Jo C.
    Jo C. Member Posts: 2,955
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    Lady;  I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing; so glad you dropped on in; really good to hear from you.  I am sorry to hear about Peewee.

    Jennifer Ghent-Fuller had a good explanation regarding apathy in her writing, "Understanding The Dementia Experience."  You can Google it adding pdf at the end so you get the free and easy to read copy.

    The Canadian Alz Society has a nice writing including  a good booklet at the end that you can download online.  It is well written:

    https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/im-caring-person-living-dementia/understanding-symptoms/changes-mood-behaviour

    Just wondering if you can tell whether Peewee is depressed or if it is more apathy from brain changes.  He seems to feel safe, secure and cared for which is a credit to you.

    Working two shifts a week still gives you a lot of busy time what with Peewee and the house and all. 

    Do drop in and let us know how you are doing and how it is going, we miss seeing you.

    J.

  • JulieB46
    JulieB46 Member Posts: 50
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    Thanks TBE, truthfully, I don’t know how any of us do it.  One day at a time, one hour at a time. I do glean so many ideas and tips from you all. I also own about 12 books on Alzheimer’s that I order from Amazon. My friends tell me to read for pleasure, and I will, someday.  Right now, I need to understand as much as I can about this insidious disease.  I just hope my grown steps don’t try to micromanage as we move further into stage 6 or 7.
  • JulieB46
    JulieB46 Member Posts: 50
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    That was my DH a few short months ago.  I told family and friends how he’d put dishes away in the wrong spot, or put dirty dishes in with the clean ones or vacuum wrong or only dust certain things. Now, he can do NO chores around the home.  But, at least I’m not having to redo things, so maybe it is easier?
  • toolbeltexpert
    toolbeltexpert Member Posts: 1,583
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    Ladypeewee your one heck of a woman,digging up field lines and drain lines. Changing out a pump that's skills,I'll bet there are men here who wouldn't know where to start. Except to call roto rooter. And I want to say that's a crappy job,pun intended. There is a septic tank pumper in our area who has a sign on the back of the tank that says smells like money". Your a good caregiver LPW digging line is a piece of cake when compared to taking care of your lo imho.

    ps I have a backhoe I dug up 60ft of plugged 6 inch perf pipe line when the baffle in the tank fell off.

  • ladypeewee
    ladypeewee Member Posts: 62
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    Thanks for all the replies. I am so tired and exhausted. Not only am I taking care of my Peewee and the yard work, the house work, cooking all the meals. Now I am helping take care of a Newborn Great Granddaughter. 

    I am trying to figure out why my septic tank pump won't kick on unless I take the top off the access point and move the float with my hand, then it will kick on and works. My drain lines are full of Roots it's just one problem after another. Going to sleep now while I still can.

  • jmlarue
    jmlarue Member Posts: 511
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    Wow! Adding care for a newborn to your already full plate is really something. I can't imagine where you're finding the energy to put one foot in front of the other these days. You are amazing.
  • abc123
    abc123 Member Posts: 1,171
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    Dear LadyPeeWee,  It is good to hear from you! I am sorry to hear of PeeWee's decline and lack of interest BUT it is good to hear from you. You are indeed a tuff lady if you can change out a pump! When I have to fix something I always go to you tube! They seem to have a video to help fix everything! You tube video's have saved me money. Maybe you can find a video that will help you with your pump. Good luck!

    I admire you helping with a new baby! I hope you find some peace and enjoyment by doing it.  Thank you for checking in with us! I think of you and PeeWee often. 

  • Rosi's Mom
    Rosi's Mom Member Posts: 11
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    Good to hear from you Lady Peewee.  Glad to hear that you are partially retired. Sounds like Peewee and my DH are at about the same stage. I snake the toilet when it gets clogged, but never thought of digging the septic pump.  You are one tough lady! 

    Take care and enjoy that little one!

  • T. Slothrop
    T. Slothrop Member Posts: 37
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    ladypeewee,

    Thanks for sharing your travails with the pump, and with peewee. I am moved to reply by your mention of a Great Granddaughter. I am a small piece of the team caring for my Grandaughter, seven months old yesterday. She is my salvation, being so decidedly perpendicular to the AD slope my wife is slaloming down. 

    Yesterday, on my wife’s birthday, we hiked to a National Park beach, spotted elephant seals, elk, and hawks, ate lunch on the shore. When we got home, chatting about where we had gone, she said “I wasn’t there!”  No new memories, please. 

    But our granddaughter is making new memories every second; she is the source of my joy, and when she’s with us, my wife is locked on her wavelength, at least for now. 

    Good luck to us all. 

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more