Just a rant(2)

toolbeltexpert

Just when things seemed to smooth out,the last couple days has gone progressively worse. This morning dw lost it, the cats got her upset then she got even madder cause she thinks I do everything. Ten seconds after feeding the cats she thinks I did it. I mean furniture throwing fist pounding gonna slash my wrist mad. I tried to let her be but that didn't help, she's gonna pack up and move out and if she can't she's gonna slash her wrists.  Praying for God to help me help her. She has an appointment for her other eye surgery this Thursday at 830, I hope this changes before then.

Jo C.

How terrible to deal with; I am sorry.  If she does not improve, may be time to have her checked for one of those "silent" urinary tract infections that may not have any physical symptoms, but can cause severe changes in behavior to the negative side of the ledger until treated.

If that is negative and if the changes do not calm down, then may have to get ahold of the dementia specialist to gain peace for both of you.  So hope this is a temporary blip and she soon returns to her usual self.

J.

June45

tbe, I am so sorry; the situation sounds awful. Does she had cataract surgery scheduled?  That might be impossible if she continues like she is now.  You might just need to schedule another type of doctor appointment!

Joydean

So sorry for you both! That has to be a little scary for each of you! Please get her checked for UTI. Prayers for you and your dear wife!

Ed1937

If I remember correctly, she recently had a negative UTI test. But that doesn't mean she doesn't have one now. It's worth testing again, with a culture. Wishing you luck.

toolbeltexpert

Well it's a flip flop sometimes. I work real hard at changing our outlook. Kill them with kindness they never see that coming. Things are getting better right now.  Just got a call from the eye surgeon they want to do it today now at 230. She said OK so now it's off to the docs this afternoon. I just have to work through it every day.  I don't suspect a uti,this is a part of who she has become. And it runs thru cycles. I will have to love her thru it all. Thanks for letting me rant. Some of you have it so much harder than me I shouldn't be complaining.

Ed1937

toolbeltexpert wrote:

Some of you have it so much harder than me I shouldn't be complaining.

Never let someone else's problems lessen yours. It's all in how we think about it. What might seem like a deal breaker to you, might not even faze someone else. 

jmlarue

When she has one of these total meltdowns, how long do they last and does she quickly forget why she was mad and what was said? If I can take myself out of his sight - to another room or outside - the rage dissipates fairly quickly. 20 minutes later, he doesn't remember why he was mad or the specifics of what was said. I'm grateful for that, since his rage can trigger an ugly response from me. Just curious if this is typical for other PWD? So far, he hasn't broken up the furniture or physically attacked me, but he sure scares the snot out of me while in full rant.

toolbeltexpert

jmlarue wrote:

When she has one of these total meltdowns, how long do they last and does she quickly forget why she was mad and what was said? 

Yes that is what happens very often. Today I tried leaving her alone but she thought of a trigger and held on to it, that kept her angry.  Eventually she realizes her behavior is  out of control.  You worded what my dw does most of the time exactly. Sorry your going thru this. Sometimes it's hell. She pounded her fists on a piece of furniture that she built, bad mistake,1inch thick Maple, tough tough, she could never hurt it but her hands get sollen if she has several episodes in a week. I got her a compression glove to help bring the swelling down. It works wonders. She did grab a 2 piece basket chair and kinda tossed it, no damage. Jmlarue you must be from the south. Dw scares the snot out of me at times when she threatens to hurt herself. 

ButterflyWings

That roller coaster, or Jekyll & Hyde phenomenon. I know it well, but the peaks and valleys had smoothed out a bit thanks to getting a handle on DH’s recurring UTIs, and the magic Seroquel works on his confused brain. 

BUT- 2 days ago, after an unusual day including car trip in the driving rain to retrieve meds the respite staff forgot to give us on checkout (grrr)... the combination triggered DH’s wrath and it was like the old AD days for a while: 

• He refused to exit the car upon return home, 
• Tried to commandeer it after I stepped back to give him wind down space 
• Couldn’t start the car thankfully (pushbutton is a mystery to him)
• Refused to go in the house after banging on the back door ahead of me
• Went around to the front door (with me following since he wanders)
• Knocked on the front door for who knows who to let him in
• Did I mention he was cursing me out the entire time? Yes he was not mincing words.
• I picked my moment & slipped away without him noticing & ran back to the back door
• DH indignantly entered the front door when I unlocked it from the inside, & let him in
• (Huh?)
• Within a few minutes he had grabbed one of the only 2 remaining knives in our house (both are butter knives lol! I purged weapons long ago) and threatened me with it. That’s a first but I knew how to keep my distance and not panic, but also not take anything for granted. Poured 1/2 glass of apple juice spiked with melatonin (thank God for liquid meds) and set it within view then left the room. Bingo.
• Before he napped I was able to get the knife when he got distracted & stashed it. We will be down to finger foods here due to no more utensils.  Better safe than sorry!
• One last hurrah, he told me he had made some calls and when his people arrived they were going to f*~€ me up. 

I am so unphased by much of what AD throws at us these days, verbally anyway.  At least I know for sure I can outrun him & he’d have to catch me before he could harm me. And I can pretty much sneak his meds into him which has never failed to tame the beast.  But my goodness it is stressful.

As I expected, he woke up with no apparent awareness of any agitation and it has been smooth (6E) sailing since. So toolbelt and jmlarue I am right there with you with the retreat-and-wait for the storm to pass strategy. What a life though. Tough for our LOs and for us. 

toolbeltexpert

ButterflyWings wrote:

Bw it is a crazy life you sound like you are a careful caregiver,you know the work arounds. Who would have thought you could sneak around and open the door,wow. I was wondering you said you slipped him a melatonin micky. How fast does that work?and does it mess up his sleeping pattern?. I have decided I am gonna get my wife to a doctor,under the guise of Medicare required annual check up. Our neighbor is a family physician and he has said he could diagnosis her if she has dementia. I hear so much about Seroquel and how much help it is for most folks. I have to do something for her. She has had issues for at least 10 years now more than likely 12 years. That's funny about the push button car. I have been on a search for a newer vehicle ours is a 2007 subaru with 173k. I want one with pb start,I don't think she could figure it out either. Thanks for sharing. 

ButterflyWings

TBE - great idea for you to take her to the Dr. as a "medicare checkup". It can't hurt to get a diagnosis and potential med backup. Melatonin has always worked for us in minutes. It is not something I use every day, and does not alter his nighttime sleep pattern.

The initial dose suggested was 3mg, and I may as well have given him water or nothing at all. Same for 5mg and even 7 mg. His neurppsych said I could go up to 10mg with no worries, and that does slow him down...immediately mellow and within 5 minutes he is usually napping. Not knocked out though, he may be up in an hour or less. 

This has been the best PlanB when redirection did not work as he's on his way out the door (!) and in addition to helping slow his roll when he's bound and determined to wander...it also just chills him out when he's in a true rant, which hasn't happened for ages it seems. It is a very useful "bridge" mickey for us, when it's too early to give him his next dose of Seroquel. 

FYI, since going on hospice 6 mos ago, we also have Lorazepam .5 on hand for the same purpose if needed (interrupting his anxiety and agitation if over the top or dangerous) but that is a much, much stronger class of medication so I try not to use it unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes (like earlier today), it is necessary and I am grateful to have the approved prescribed options on hand. The Lorazepam is a small quick-dissolving tablet and like with the liquid melatonin, I'm lucky that DH is always happy to take a glass of anything as well as to have a bite to eat, (so I can get his meds in him with a little creativity) though he looks more suspiciously at any food and definitely any meds I may try to hand him -- especially when he is in a mood. 

I expected him to be a little off kilter after the different environment and experiences of respite, and the unexpected car trip took him over the edge. Good luck to you getting some additional tools in your toolkit - just in case.

Rescue mom

Jmlarue, You asked about others’ experience with the quick rage and forgetting, which was also a big topic in my support group today. My own DH could fly into terrible rages, in a second, and threatened me physically unless I got away. I have no doubt he would hurt me except I’m a lot quicker than he is, and I can see it coming a bit sooner than at first, which blindsided me.

But as you say,  he forgets the whole thing 30 minutes later, if I get out sight and quiet.

Other women in my group of about 15 (more than usual) also said their DHs forget such incidents very fast—except one. She said he’ll stay angry, and scary,  for hours. She was physically frail, so sad (inadequate word) and still very new to caregiving.  She was so upset, could not imagine doing the things we talk about, there and here.  Just kept saying “he’s changed, he’s so different….” Over and over. She stayed afterward, I think/hope for more counseling.

As butterfly said, I can handle words ok. The physical threats, though….sometime you think they can catch you off guard, even with just hands. It’s stressful; and many women are smaller.

There is a laugh here though…We weren’t “allowed” to say “slap the …” in public, but ha! I still remember (with affection and respect) a teacher who loudly told a troublemaker to “sit down or I’ll slap the snot out of you.” She never had a lick of trouble in that class again!

Scooterr

toolbelt I hope the rest of your day went  better than your morning, that's a rough start. I've been woken in the middle of the night by my DW  throwing haymakers on me and where the rage comes from I don't knows, but it can be frightening, and it will take forever to redirect her. I noticed some who responded to your post had mentioned UTI, I never knew they could cause these kind of problems. I learned something new every time I get on here

toolbeltexpert

Well we got the other eye done today and it took twice as long and she seems more groggy this time around. She very compliant which I love till the anesthesia wears off. Thanks everyone.

jmlarue

Thanks for the input, everyone. Sounds like my DH is in the normal range of abnormal behavior    It took me awhile to figure out that he needed an audience or a co-combatant in order to perpetuate his angry and aggressive behavior. Fortunately, getting out of sight and out of earshot does help to neutralize his scary rants. I did ask his neuro-psych about medications for him. He was prescribed Prazosin. While it does seem to reduce the frequency of full meltdown incidents, it does tend to lose effectiveness over about 3 months and require an increased dosage to restore some calm. I'm grateful for the mention of giving melatonin to calm these episodes. It's the first I've heard of using it for anything other than sleep disturbances. I've got that on the shelf, so I'll sure give it a try next time.

It's funny how our speech can reveal things about our upbringing. Although born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, my mother's side of the family were native Tennesseans grounded in Pentecostal Christianity. Profanity was totally off-limits, but threatening to slap the snot out of someone was accepted. I never saw them do it, but mother and grandmother, both, would get compliance from out-of-control children by threatening to go outside and cut a switch. I'm sure you all are familiar with the oft used expression, "Bless your heart," for every thoroughly boneheaded stunt committed by both kids and adults.

toolbeltexpert

Scooterr wrote:

Oh yes UTI's can be real crazy. Major confusion, hallucinations, irritability, pain while urinating,going often. A real key to pick up on is the suddenness way off baseline suddenly. Love the ride is that you and dw. I have owned several and still have my mc license. 

Scooterr

toolbeltexpert wrote:

Scooterr wrote:

Oh yes UTI's can be real crazy. Major confusion, hallucinations, irritability, pain while urinating,going often. A real key to pick up on is the suddenness way off baseline suddenly. Love the ride is that you and dw. I have owned several and still have my mc license. 

Yelp that's the wife, me, and the bike. You got to love riding it sure is freedom.