Tips for patience

Kibbee

My friends say to me "Oh you are so patient with your husband." - but the truth of the matter is I am not always patient and I sometimes have to consciously work at it.  Two things I have tried that seem to help.  (1) Analyze events in order to recognize the situations that trigger me to struggle with being patient, and (2) Actively remind myself that in a 24 hour day really only a small percentage of my time is devoted to direct hands-on care.  This helps me keep things in perspective, so I can take a deep breath, and make the effort that is required to try to calmly get through those challenging moments.  Doing this has helped but I am still in need of improvement.  I would be interested in hearing from others about any tips or tricks they use to help maintain patience when they're facing whatever their particular trigger/s may be.

toolbeltexpert

Kibbe you have a good outlook. I always try to remember to keep my emotions out of the picture. It always goes better for me and my dw. I always want a good outcome,although that doesn't always happen. I do practice being patient. Pwd can test our wits all day everyday.

Ed1937

Good thread. I also think of it as only a small fraction of the day. I also remind myself that if my emotions go in a direction that I wish they hadn't, that feeling is temporary, and it will subside. The other day, I noticed that when I looked at the situation from her perspective, and spoke with empathy, it made a difference how she responded to me. I tried that again today. Didn't work. But if something works half the time, I'll take it.

sandwichone123

I sometimes compare whatever symptom is driving me crazy with a symptom of some other terminal illness (my go-to is pancreatic cancer). I think of how patient I would be with displays of cancer symptoms and it seems to help me get more grounded.

I also sometimes think about how I would feel/behave if I couldn't drive/communicate/decide for myself and it helps me respect the frustrated behavior more.

Paris20

Since I am not a particularly patient person, I have had to work very hard at controlling what I say and do when my husband does all that dementia-stuff that has made me crazy in the past. I do my best to change the subject, agree with him, play along, or present endless fiblets to get rid of the problem. I remind myself that his annoying behaviors are temporary and DH will soon forget them anyway. On the other hand, there are certain behaviors that I will not tolerate, e.g., vile, verbal violence against his aide. I revert to my toddler discipline voice to make clear that abuse is not allowed. So far I’ve had some success. However, I must admit that there are times I just want to scream.