How do you answer a spouse who has severe hallucinations?

carlc

She really believes that her relatives are here and staying in our house and then they go out and don't tell her.  They also say "Lets all go to throve, out to dinner, etc and we'll meet at Mary's house."

Stuck in the middle

Hello, carlc.

Delusions and hallucinations are symptoms of psychosis.  Talking and logic are useless in such cases.  I would get her to a psychiatrist for antipsychotic medications.  

Jo C.

Hello and welcome to you.   When someone has rigid false beliefs those are called, delusions.  Hallucinations are sensory in the moment; the person sees or hears something not there.

It appears your wife is experiencing delusions.  Here is a link to the Alzheimer's Assn. discussion of such dynamics:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/suspicions-delusions

Though we try to make sense and keep logically trying to explain facts to our Loved One (LO) before we know more about handling such a situation, that particular form of response will only cause more issues and even, sometimes mistrust.

If she is telling you something that she has heard "them" say and does not presently see them right in front of you, just best to not argue and try to refocus her onto something else; if that cannot be done, then it is okay to say that the relatives decided to go out somewhere else and that you will get together tomorrow and then refocus her.

Routine and structure in a calm environment to the days are important for a person with dementia.  Sometimes we have to respond to the feelings behind the words rather than the words themselves.  If they are feeling angry or upset and delusional, we can validate the feeling and not address the delusion.  We can even take blame for something even if we are not to blame for the deluded feelings; this often is soothing to the person.
 
 Another thing that happens rather often, especially in females is that of the, "Silent urinary tract infection."  These UTIs are called, "silent" because there are no physical symptoms, except quite often there will be a change in behaviors.  It may be worthwhile to have that checked out.
 
 If the delusions are upsetting to her, or a newer behavior, it may be worthwhile to consult her dementia specialist.

  If you have not yet read it, do Google, "Understanding The Dementia Experience," by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller.  If you Google it, ask for the pdf format; it will be available at no cost.  It is a really good basic primer on dementia and explains the reasons "why" things happen.

Let us know how it is going, this is a difficult place to be and we here sure understand that.  My LO became delusion driven to the point at which it was affecting the very quality of life and medication had to be prescribed as it had become quite severe.

You can also contact the Alzheimer's Assn. 24 Hour Helpline at (800) 272-3900.  If you call,  ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant.  There are no fees for this service.  Consultants are highly educated Social Workers who specialize in dementia and family dynamics.  They are very supportive, have much information and can often assist us with our problem solving and planning. 
 

 J.