Another little loss.

toolbeltexpert

So today is first Sunday that is when we take communion. So dw is in front of me and walks up to be serve and doesn't know what to do, she's starts walking away so I get her bread and juice and give them to her, she drinks the juice eats the bread and puts the cup back in the serving tray. I went along like it wasn't anything. I didn't see that coming. She has been saying she doesn't want to go to church. She's drawing back from the only social interaction we have left. I this hate disease, Stealing every little thing.

Ed1937

Stewart, there are no small losses. I'm sorry.

Joe C.

I am sorry for this loss. I experience something similar, DW was extremely extremely active in the Catholic Church including being a Eucharist minister. One day I found a host in her pocket after church and realized she no longer knew what to do with the communion bread.

Scooterr

I'm so sorry my friend. When these little losses hit, it's so gut wrenching and you never see them coming, or at least I don't. Your right this horrible disease steals constantly little pieces from our LO's without mercy. The pain from these small losses are so profound and we have to endure them. I hope, and pray you and your DW are able to continue going to church I know it's so important for you both. Stay Strong.

Joydean

I am so sorry because church is so important to you both. You are right DA does keep stealing from our lo and from each of us. Because our lo doesn’t recognize what they are loosing makes it so much more painful!  It is as Scooterr said, gut wrenching!

I will be praying for you both and pray you don’t lose your only place of socializing. Being in church and around your friends is a good thing.  

CStrope

Yes, the small things sometimes do seem so significant.  I remember one day a couple of months ago when we were in the car and I sneezed 3 times, and DH said nothing.  There was no Gesondheid or God Bless you, just silence.  There have been no responses to my sneezes since.  A very small thing, but yet it seemed so significant.

Marie58

No such thing as a little loss. They all hurt. We pass the elements in our church so I would get mine and DH's and hold them until it was time. I learned to hold his because one time he ate and drank them right away. It was like "oh a snack, thank you". We stopped going to church eventually because when he reached his limit he'd just get up and walk out. I tried sitting on the aisle but then he just got really antsy until we left.

ImMaggieMae

It sounds like you adapted and found a workaround for the communion that could work in the future. Not wanting to go to church is the bigger thing. Do you think maybe she could be convinced to go back to church again or maybe doesn’t even remember that she said she didn’t want to go?

toolbeltexpert

Maggie May, dw starts saying she doesn't want to go to church on Saturday night every week. I think it is too stressful for her. This is her first slip. I don't believe anyone else notice except the server and maybe the folks behind us. Dw never realized it either. I have a great church family and everybody is aware and knows kinda what to do. I do know that it's gonna get more stressful and I am gonna be ok. Our church is getting a new pastor in a couple months,the umc is an itinerant church, the other crazy thing is dw has fabricated in her mind he is being thrown out cause he got caught fooling around with other women. I warned a few folks about that on Sunday. The last pastor was doing that and removed himself. I have tried to remind her he is being moved by the hierarchy of the umc but she Continues to believe her reality. I know I will miss worship, it is always refreshing to be with my brothers and sisters, they truly are my family. God knows what's going on and will make a way for us to go thru this.  Thanks all for understanding. Today was a good day. I got out in my garage and repaired a mower I have been working on for 6 months. Went to town and did some banking stuff only gone an hour but it felt so good to get something done.

May flowers

I agree, this disease is the worst thief, robbing our LOs of their joy and personality bit by bit.

We had to stop taking my FIL to church a while back, but we do watch online and he sort of pays attention. His pastor comes here to visit sometimes. If she ends up on hospice, maybe a chaplain can continue sacraments with her. The socialization will continue to decline, sadly. Maybe you can find a sitter on Sundays so you can continue to keep connected with your church family.

We pray at dinner every night and even though my FIL is almost 100 percent disengaged with everything going on around him he does close his eyes when we say “Let’s pray” and keeps them closed after we say amen. I always wonder if he is praying? He also sings along with hymns we’ve recorded for him. 

I hold on to the fact that God loves him and knows him beyond the dementia. I know that when my FIL curses God, he is not comprehending what he is saying. God knows that, and I wonder if He looks at it the same as if he were a child, without the mental ability to understand his actions. 

Anyway, it is still a great loss. There is at least hope that our LOs will be enjoying fellowship again in heaven, and be completely healed.

White Crane

Dear Toolbeltexpert,  Any loss is sad and needs to be grieved.  I'm sorry this has happened to your DW.  It made me think of our own loss recently.  A couple of months ago, DH had trouble getting up from the communion rail.  An usher had to help him.  Then DH lost his balance and the usher managed to catch him before he went down and help him regain his balance.  The usher was kind enough to make sure we got back to our pew ok.  It hurt my heart.  I realized then that DH would no longer be able to walk up to the communion rail to receive  communion.  I called the church the next day and told them from now on, DH and I would remain seated during communion.  The pastor and elder now bring communion to us in the pew.  I could go up to the communion rail but that would leave DH alone in the pew so this is a loss for both of us.  It is a sad realization that his disease is progressing. 

Brenda

toolbeltexpert

Brenda I had the same thought about staying seated,our servers bring it to those who who have indicated they would like to be served. Dw get stressed every week about going because she can't  remember and she knows it. Thanks for sharing I am greatful for my forum family.

Marie58

May flowers wrote:

I hold on to the fact that God loves him and knows him beyond the dementia.

May flowers, I take great comfort in that for my DH as well. I received a true gift early on about this. I was driving and listening to my favorite Christian radio station which has a combination of music and teachings. It was very early in our dementia journey, perhaps just a couple months post diagnosis. I knew next to nothing about dementia and of course was fearful of the future. The speaker on the program was talking about his dad who had dementia and had passed away. He said something like, "My dad may have forgotten who God is, but God has not/will not ever forget my dad". I was so struck by that truth. I had to pull over as the tears streamed down my face. I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future. Blessings everyone.

OrganizerBecky

My DH, who used to teach adult Sunday School, can't look up a Bible verse anymore. I noticed this past Sunday, he didn't even try. Up until then, he'd open his Bible and try and I would help him. He can still sing all the praise songs, though, even the ones from 15 years ago that we don't sing very often anymore. 

We will continue attending as long as he wants to and we can. He loves going and loves getting attention from the Pastor. We're a small congregation and most know about our situation.