Advice:new to group. ADLO

Lindaandro

Hi. I just found this site and joined. So many areas to investigate. thank you.

My 86yr old mom has alzheimers and she is phsyically healthy.  She lives with my sister in her own space and we have an friend/aid visit every day to spend time with her, take her out, and basically be a companion. She loved her own suite within my sister's home when she was independent - she could come and go as she wished. Now, she feels she is just visiting my sister and this is not her "home" and she  contacts everyone she can to “get her out” and bring her home. We know  this is part of the disease bu she gets very argumentative and wants to be moving from one child’s house to another after a few days. We try to support her visiting both me (1.5hours away) me and her son(iacross country) when schedules allow but she’s at the point where she wants to move around every few days which obviously doesn’t work. She gets bored and we think she’s afraid to be idle for too long.  She will call each of us and complain about the others and lies about it all. She was fiercely independent and now she is dependent on us to go anywhere. Any ideas as to what help or what might be triggering the need for constant movement and how to handle it? Thanks so much..

toolbeltexpert

Lindaandro I don't have any advice but to say welcome to the forum and some body out there has been down that road and will be by to help you with the fork in the road. I can say your not alone. You might try a search for going home that might bring up some helpful post.

May flowers

We dealt with something similar with my FIL last year… instead of wanting to go from home to home, he wanted to move constantly. He would walk for hours on end outside and inside during bad weather. He must have logged many miles per day.

I think it may be similar because it is a kind of restlessness, like if they sit still or stay in one place they will die. 

For us, the answer was MC because he put some of that energy into activities there. But if that’s not an option, maybe she could burn off some of the restlessness in a senior day care program?

Cyndisaunt

So very familiar, my LO will daily start packing up to go "home" even though she has lived in her home for 2 years (next door to me and I am with her 4 - 6 hours a day). 

The only thing that helped was to dump out a puzzle before I left for the evening, she would get up at night and instead of packing she would start puzzling. Then in the morning she would complain about someone leaving this puzzle here so I pack it up and put it away until I dump it out at night. Same puzzle, although some days she wants me to help so we work on it together. 

She NEVER liked puzzles before so she does have mornings where she has tossed it in the garbage (which is a clean bag I have setup the night before so that when she throws it away it is not getting gunky with other garbage). 

Of course, I talk to her about her wanting to move and we look at all her favorite wall hangings and hand crocheted blankets that she loves which seems to orient her back to feeling safe with all her stuff. 

Lately she has reported "a man in my bed just sleeping" so instead of packing she is looking for a pot roast to fix for him so she will have defrosted something that I then help her cook for dinner for her and I. 

I hope the shared experience helps... if you find a project or purpose that works to distract when you are not in the room let me know. My LO is not at the stage for a fidget blanket or activities, so I am trying to find something that will keep her hands busy. 

Cyndi

SusanB-dil

Hi Lindaandro - welcome to 'here'...  Arguing back will never work, as her mind is no longer capable of being logical.  You could try saying that her home is being worked on, so she is staying there for a while.  I know some who have mentioned they may take their LO for a ride around the block and end up back 'home'.  If the agitation is bad, check with her doc, she may need something for that, or they can even check for a UTI.

It sounds like you and siblings are on the same page, do be sure to continue this, so she cannot play you against each other with those complaints. 

Lindaandro

This was really helpful. I really appreciate your advice . I’ll let you know if I find anything to help..

Lindaandro

Thank you!